Raw "Reality"

2008-12-08T17:25:00.001-06:00

Safari Morning

Life finds its way of catching up with us. It’s when we truly realize what Life and Living is that the subtle moments of the day take on a whole new meaning and spring up on us in surprise. I won’t ever forget the one morning that I was going on a morning prayer-walk during debrief in Nisela, Swaziland. The sun was still working its way over the horizon and light was still at work heralding in the day. To my left several impala were peacefully grazing in the grass next to the road, though hawkishly aware of every move I was making. To my right, ran the fence that kept me safe from the pride of the safari: Lucky the Lion. And as I traversed the dirt road in prayer, I looked ahead and noticed a young giraffe only 20 feet ahead of me on the edge of the road. He was just standing there watching me walk.

I kept walking forward as he stood there, chewing cud, and flicking his tail. As soon as I got no closer than a stone’s toss from him, he tore into the bush, and ended up on the edge of the road about another 20 feet ahead. And as soon as I got a another stones toss from the guy, he took off through the bush and once again, ended up another 20 feet ahead of me.

He was playing with me... longing for me to continue the chase.

And it’s in moments like those that I realize God exists. It’s moments like those that I’m reminded of how God first chases us and then we chase Him. See – He’s always up the road guiding and leading us, waiting anxiously for us to decrease the distance between Him and ourselves… but as we get ever closer, He yearns for us to keep chasing Him.

One day we’ll catch up… and return the favor.

2008-12-07T14:57:00.000-06:00

A Day of Clouds

I’m finding that the tragedy of losing innocence is one of the greatest things. Some might even say that the obstacle of losing ignorance is equal to such. I would argue. I think that innocence in many ways is far more valuable than ignorance, but I’m learning that ignorance is quite the comforting thing I oftentimes seek.

I’m learning that once I’ve walked in the realities that truly face us in any given day that we can’t plead ignorance anymore, and not for the sake of trying to avoid looking like an idiot to others, but for the sake of sparing ourselves some kind of humiliation. I mean this in the fairest of forms and oftentimes I’m struck at the Truth that I wake up to everyday. I want to deny it on days such as this, days where the sky is blanketed with a grey that overwhelms me in a way that’s unwelcoming.

I want to find shelter but it’s as if none exists around here. Where’s the shadow and sanctuary of God’s wing from the storms that plague us through life? I’m learning that the thorn in my flesh is a lot closer to my heart than I originally thought. I’m learning what a rude awakening is that grips my spirit every morning as I try to pull myself out of bed and squeeze words out from between my lips in battle.

And why’s sorrow so easy to express yet joy escapes the form of words? I can’t get it off my chest when it’s not there, but when it’s there I can find words for the agony and even when I release – the blanket remains.

I hate feeling wet.

Surely there’s a sun beyond the horizon, a sun that pleads with my own spirit to the God of God’s for some kind of relief to the cloudiness that this day’s producing.

I hate feeling alone.

2008-06-16T04:56:00.000-05:00

Blowing off the Dust

I’m not sure why I decided to pick this blog back up during the middle of the Race. Something just started stirring inside of me, something that was clawing to get out, and it was a freedom that in some ways my World Race blog suppressed. I know that I’ve operated two blogs before and I seem to do better that way. And while I tend to throw similar content back and forth between the two, I have absolute freedom here. I know only close friends and family read this blog and for the time being, I’m going to keep it that way.

My blog traffic usually tends to be about 50-100 hits on each post throughout time. I’ve had around 300-some before, but here, it’s much more subtle. I usually get around five. And I’m okay with that. I just want to express myself again and to be completely unfettered to do so.

I desire such rawness in baring my soul.

So by reading this, you get an inside peek that no one else is at the liberty to. However, I’m not going to advertise or spread the word, personally. If you desire to do so – more power to you. I’ve had a glimpse of what could happen after I return to the States at the end of November. Writing could, perhaps, become an even more common occurrence though I feel completed unqualified in thought and word. My writing’s gone downhill in a rapidly, increasingly, and spiraling fashion.

Hopefully I can blow the dust of my imagination, my thoughts, and God will breathe life back into something I loved.

2008-06-10T15:43:00.002-05:00

Resurrecting the Dead

If one were to resurrect something decaying from beneath the dirt, who would really take notice?

I'm not so sure many would.

But if even one does...

2008-01-03T09:21:00.000-06:00

Beginning of the End

This is probably the point in time that I supposed to say something incredibly profound about leaving tomorrow. A lot of people have probably expected me to have spent the last three months in solitude perfecting my walk with God before I go, spending time with Jesus every morning, digging into the Word, praying for little kids in the stores, etc.

But I'm no superhero and I realize that nobody really expected that from me but myself.

I would probably say that I'm the most ill prepared person to leave and go on the World Race, yet I truly believe that God wouldn't want it any other way. I've reached that point where I don't know what to expect from myself that I'm waiting to be surprised at who I become. I'm preparing for the shock as best as I know how, but I also know that it'll never be what I expect it to be. Basically, my expectations have been blown to bits already and since they're lying around all over the place, what I think I expect couldn't be any farther from the truth. It's strange to explain.

The reality of departure has finally caught up with me… about yesterday afternoon. I sold my car to some really amazing people, I packed, and now I'm just kind of waiting around getting ready to say goodbye to some more incredible people throughout the day. And though the reality of leaving has caught up with me, I'm not so sure that my emotions have.

I feel numb.

There's excitement but there's also an abyss resonating deeply in my stomach. Am I nervous? Probably. Am I hungry? Always. I would be lying to you if I told you that I wasn't scared. Unfamiliarity stretches me and grows me beyond what I could ever describe, but it doesn't make it easy. And the fact that I'm leaving all that I call normal freaks me out.

But I can't wait.

The most difficult part has been waiting to say goodbye to the few that I love the most - not that I have an attachment more to some than to others… well, I do. These goodbyes have yet to occur, but are scheduled to happen in the next 24 hours. It exhausts my spirit thinking of the emotion that's going to drain from my body.

Yet I can't wait to be ruined.

There came a point during my New Year's Eve party that I realized 11 months really isn't that long of a time. Some people would beg to differ with me and that's fine - I'll let them because we're all different and we all place a different value on the time that we've been given. I'm just choosing to do this with mine. It's all perspective, really.

So a little over 24 hours from this moment, I'll be sitting on a seat in the sky headed to Florida where I'm meeting my team to fly out to Peru. This is probably my last blog before I'm in another country, but I hope that you continue to follow my journey as I traverse across the globe chasing Jesus. Please send emails, leave comments, and all that encouraging and sappy stuff. I truly do enjoy it.

God bless!

** And this is my last blog on this particular web address for the year. Please read about my World Race journey at matthewsnyder.theworldrace.org**

2007-12-21T01:09:00.000-06:00

Cup of Grace

I have some pretty incredible friends. In fact, I think I underestimate them a lot of the time because I don't expect much of myself so, naturally, I find no reason to expect too much of them. But then there are those times that I'm floored by what occurs when we're together and I marvel at the ability God has given us to be His hands and feet when He needs people to be His hands and feet the most.

A few mornings ago I met some friends at a coffee shop in downtown Wichita. I really like the little utopia it is for me so I find myself going in there every day. Sometimes I feel really pathetic because I spend hours there, but it isn't usually until later in the day. This happened to be a very early morning visit for me so I was still quite sleepy and found myself rubbing dreams out of my eyes when I sat down.

We exchanged morning pleasantries and smiled as best as one can smile in the morning. Next thing I knew, we were talking about the most ridiculous things. My friends and I tend to do that but because it was so early and my brain still wasn't functioning and I had no idea what we were really talking about. I just remember what happened next and I'm still trying to process it.

They started talking about this homeless man that comes into the coffee shop. Apparently he comes in there once in awhile, orders something, and then stays for a very long time. But after awhile, hotel management decides that he is a nuisance or something ridiculous like that and has him kicked out. I guess the baristas are told that if when he comes in, if they don't ask him to leave, their jobs are on the line. Fortunately, they're not that heartless and will let him stay as long as they can, then they escort him outside and bog him down with love.

As they were talking about this guy I wanted to walk up to hotel management and punch them in the face. Being tired and thinking slowly, it gradually dawned on me that this wasn't a very Christian thing to do, so I started planning a protest in my head where we throw rocks and cause havoc outside. I think that's what Jesus would do…

The reason they were talking about this guy was because he had walked into the shop. And before I really knew what was going on, another chair was pulled up to our table, this man was invited over, drowned with coffee, and flooded with questions.

His name was Butch. He had an awesome beard (thought I'd throw that in there). He spoke very slowly, but with great concentration. Butch had traveled a lot up and down the middle of the country working. His favorite state was Utah because he made the most money there. My friends continued to bother him with questions until finally they stopped and normal conversation around the whole table presented itself again.

And Butch just sat there… beaming. He laughed. He smiled. He reverberated with a joy that I've yet to see even on my own face that early in the morning.

I couldn't help but think of how amazing my friends are, how amazing those employees in the coffee shop are, how marvelous the presence of Grace is and the intrinsic good dwelling in us all. I can honestly say that I didn't do anything that morning. I didn't invite Butch over to the table, I didn't talk to him outside of introducing myself, I didn't invite him to Church on the Street, I didn't pray for him - I didn't do much of anything. I just sat and stared at him, something that the church is really good at doing with the poor.

Staring tends to be safe. It keeps us at a distance and keeps us from investing ourselves into issues and problems greater than what we are. If something challenges us, then we like to run from it - at least I do. I'm beginning to learn that this is no longer an option. I have to stare myself in the face and decide what I'm going to do that challenges me to live outside of myself.

My friends did a tremendous job of being the Church to Butch that morning. They enabled him to live 30 minutes of one day as a normal human being, infusing him with a freedom to just be. I did a tremendous job of being the Church, too, of remaining distant and watching people be Jesus with skin on while I dreamed of the courage to be the same way.

Maybe I was tired and maybe my brain wasn't functioning, but my heart definitely knew what was occurring. Once again I'm astounded by Grace… by it's unfathomable splendor… and by it's attendance in a man with a really sweet beard.

2007-12-19T16:40:00.000-06:00

Parting Ways

I leave in 16 days and it seems so unreal that though this will remain the place that I call home, it will no longer be the place that I feel like I fit. As each day presses on, I grow more eager to push the edges of where God is taking me. Strangely, I'm not even sure where all that is but I like to think of that as part of the adventure.

Everyone has asked me at some point as to whether I'm excited to leave or not. Of course I am but I have an incredible fear in leaving behind all that I call 'normal' for something that's completely out of the ordinary... and then knowing full well that the un-ordinary is going to become the ordinary and I'll come back and expect even greater things.

It's amazing the transformation that God has done on my heart in the last three weeks. I feel like He's preparing me for what's going to occur, but in a very vague sense - in a way that I cannot even put into words what I'm feeling at this point.

I guess the point of this is: I'm ready to leave. I'm ready to chase Jesus to new places that are outside of my senses and what I can comprehend so that I can come back here to the States and infuse others here. My problem is knowing that I already have this itch that I'm getting ready to scratch - only it's going to itch even worst after I scratch it, so I don't know how long I'll remain here when I come home. Fortunately, that's not for me to decide but that's something that I daily turn over into God's hands.

At this point, I'm fighting the desire to return to school and work on my Masters. I would love to be able to teach, do urban ministry, but continue mission work overseas. Yet that may not be what God wants for me. I know that I have the freedom to dream big and I'm taking advantage of that right now. I can't wait to see what He has in store for me over the course of the next year or two.

My prayer is that I don't limit God or myself, but take advantage of the liberation that I have through Christ to take the passions He's given me to the places most out of the ordinary.

Oh... and I still need $7000. Support me here.

2007-12-13T09:57:00.000-06:00

"LEEEEEEROY JEEEENKINS!"

2007-12-10T20:00:00.001-06:00

Prodigal Brother

"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,' he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.' The older brother became angry and refused to go in…" - Luke 15.25-28a

We hear a lot about the prodigal son growing up in churches. We even hear a lot about the brother, maybe about how big of a prick he was. And we're often told that the older brother often times gets ignored because, well, he had it all together and stuff. In a lot of ways, I think most people relate more to the prodigal son than the brother, but I think I share more similarities with the brother than the guy who ran away…maybe.

I get jealous pretty easily. It's something that I've always struggled with when it comes to most of everything. If you're more athletic than I am, I probably envy your abilities. If you sound smarter than me, I hate you. And if you get more attention from the girl that I like than me, the passion in me grows beyond my control. I get bitter. Sometimes I secretly hate you. Sometimes it's bad. It doesn't usually happen that often but… okay, it may not be passion… passionate jealousy.

And I grew up in the church. I grew up in a Christian home - as Christian as it was able to get. I wore the t-shirts. I toted around my Bible in high school though I didn't have a hard enough heart to actually beat people with it. I went to youth ‘group'. I even spoke Christianese, throwing around words like: Jesus, salvation, Easter, and eternal torment. When I got to college I was able to draw out the Trinitarian-Incarnational paradigm. It was sweet. So you can only imagine that my testimony is, well, not that powerful…

That's right - I didn't come off of any incredible sexual addictions, seven years of life embedded in detestable sin, drug dealing, etc. I wasn't a runaway although there were times I probably would have wanted to. I didn't struggle with depression. I'm not an orphan. I didn't even run from God. So I used to get really jealous of all these people that went through crap like this. They had amazing stories to tell about how they came to Christ, about how God called them out of all their mess.

I grew up with God, at least thinking I knew Him. How boring, right?

As the older brother you find yourself pleading with your father, "All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!"

It's situations like these that, as the older brother, you want to intentionally create problems for yourself. You want to put yourself in a situation where you leave God with no other choice than to pull you out. Why? Because you want the attention… you want people to see how ‘changed' you really are… you want your Father to notice you. The only thing is…

It doesn't work.

Instead of turning yourself into a prodigal, you turn yourself into a fool. You look like an idiot. At least that's what I do. You realize that the people you never knew looked up to you actually look up to you and so you fall and as a result become a stumbling block to them. It's not humbling… it's humiliating.

Maybe we're all prodigals in one way or another. We all run from what the Father has given us, is offering us, because even though we're like the brother - we still get jealous and want what the younger son now has… and then we fall into sin. The father says to us, "you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."

And so grace continues to astound us… or me at least. I can only sit and marvel. There's so many times in my life, even though I was a goody-goody, that I intentionally tried to create problems for myself because, well, I wanted a ‘powerful' testimony. I just succeeded in making myself look stupid and like every other sinner, which is probably a good thing. I think the point is that we're all lost whether we want to admit it or not and our Father is desiring for our hearts to be ‘found'. Even though the brother was always with the Father, maybe he just didn't realize it until his brother came home. Seems to me he took advantage of it, much like myself.

Maybe I really don't know what I'm talking about. I'm still a prodigal. I'm still the prodigal brother I was seven years ago. And I'm still searching desperately to find myself.

Edit: I might clear things up a little bit. I'm very thankful for the upbringing that I had. I couldn't thank God enough for it. I'm rather glad that I wasn't a 'bad' kid or anything like that. I know a lot of the 'bad' people regret being bad... or wished they had had someone like I did to show them the right way. And, for my sister, I know that my testimony is powerful. It really is. In fact... my sister's a big part of it whether she realizes it or not. I'll probably follow up with a post of my actual 'coming to Jesus'.

When I say that my testimony isn't powerful, I realize I'm limiting God in a lot of ways. I'm limiting myself as well...

And I guess I do sort of want a "cool" testimony to glorify myself in a lot of ways. I really wrestle with that. The change in the 'bad to good' people is so night and day. I often forget how many people aren't like that - including myself. My testimony often speaks to a different crowd. It doesn't ring volumes with the guys on the street. It doesn't make kids in the skate park jump up and down. It doesn't even cause old people to flinch in their pews. But it does speak directly to those who grew up like we did. They often wrestle with the same things, or so I've come to find. A lot of kids that grow up in the church I've noticed struggle with the same feeling: they don't have a CRAZY testimony. God didn't necessarily 'clean them up'. They've always been like the older brother. Always there. Always taking it all in without even realizing what they have.

So yeah, I do get jealous when people pat others on the back and say, "good job! Welcome to the fam." I struggle with inviting them in because, well, how come I never had that attention? I frequently forget the role that I have in the kingdom. I'm not as hospitable as I would like to be, you know? It's something I'm trying to change, but it's often times hard to fight. I'm still so into myself and I'm trying to find my way out of it. I want to challenge people to live outside themselves and I can't even do it myself. I don't understand why it's a battle I'm always in.

2007-12-10T17:21:00.000-06:00

AIDS in Africa

Interesting video to watch. It may seem slow, but it's powerful...

2007-12-08T21:48:00.000-06:00

what now

I've reached this point where I'm not even sure. I feel like I'm sitting on a fence, completely unbalanced. On one side is the World Race and on the other is Wichita. And I feel like I can't balance it anymore.

It's getting more and more difficult as time draws nearer that I think to myself: is this really the right decision? A friend and I were talking about running - like running away from life, from problems, from things when they get hard. Yeah. That's me. I feel like I'm running away from home because, well, home has gotten difficult. But I feel like I'm trying to run toward something else that I don't even know if it's me or not. I guess I don't even know who I really am in some ways, yet I do I'm just afraid to own up to it - that requires commitment, which is something I might struggle with in some ways.

There's so much here that I like though, people that I love, people that maybe I'm not even sure how to love. There's a whiff of a future but it's still distant. I know I'll be back here, I just don't know for how long. I have such a restless spirit. I don't know that I could be tied down to one place for a long time. I think that's why I like traveling. It's always nice to have a place to come back to though. And I desire so much to share that with somebody.

I guess there's unfamiliarity with me and being obedient to God, especially to this degree. Him telling me to leave the country and me actually doing it is huge. I'm leaving so much behind, which maybe doesn't seem that much to you, but it is to me. And I'm not talking about things. I have things. It's easy to leave 'things' for a time. I'm talking about people. It's going to be so hard leaving the people in my life behind.

And you would think that after 23 years I would have 100s of people to leave behind. I probably do, but I only have a handful that I'm going to truly miss. I wrote a blog at one point about my 'five or less'. It's still true. I'm going to miss my five or less. These are the persons that I'm HIGHLY invested in. One of them wasn't even supposed to be here, but returned before I left, which has really messed with me. Another I really worry about. I don't know what's going to become of him. He's a true brother to me in a lot of ways that I've never been to him. I'm rather a poor friend. And there's yet another that I wonder if she'll ever slow down and just breathe.

I just don't have the heart to leave these people behind, especially when I desire so much for them and with them.

I've never been to this point where I've completely been pissed off at God, but now is probably one of them. I just can't stand it. Why? I wish I could take them with me.

2007-12-07T22:13:00.000-06:00

11th hour God

This is a blog post that Seth Barnes made a few days ago. It really spoke to me, convicted me, convinced me that this is the way that God moves in my life. Read it. Soak it up. Let it split open your soul to new understanding of the true Author of Life.

God loves surprise endings. He delights in unexpected plot twists that leave you saying, "I didn't see that one coming." He loves to swoop in at the end of a scene that seems destined to finish badly and pull it out of the fire.

I don't know if you've ever experienced what I'm talking about, but it happens to me all the time. We had sold our house in Florida and couldn't find a place in Georgia. At the last second, we found it. I was driving a load of wood across the border to Mexico. My lawyer never showed up with the permit. As my heart was beating out of control, God showed up in the form of a border guard.

I was in love with Karen when she got engaged to another man. It seemed impossible that she'd break the engagement and fall for me, but she did. It was one of a hundred instances where it seemed my life was going over a cliff and at the last second God reached down from heaven and saved me. And beyond that, while my heart was still beating from fear and my mind still playing slow-motion replays of what could have happened, he seemed to want me to delight in our adventure together.

And all of us who have trusted God in these extreme ways are left to ask ourselves, "Why does he do that? It would be so much less stressful if he would not wait till the last possible second."

My best guess is that whatever is in us that thrills to see a surprise, that loves a happy ending, is in God too. I think he's a hopeless romantic. He loves to be trusted so much that we'll do anything for him.

It's Abraham and Isaac on the mountain. It's Moses before the Red Sea with Pharaoh bearing down. It's Elijah dramatically calling fire down on the prophets of Baal. It's Jesus rising from the dead and promising us we'll do the same.

Too many of us love a jolly old grandfather of a God. If you're such a person, I long to introduce you to my overwhelming and terrifyingly unpredictable 11^th hour God. What a life he has for those who will trust him radically.

2007-12-03T17:08:00.000-06:00

humility

It amazes me how the simplest thing can humble us. Sometimes it's one compliment from a stranger, other times it's a meaningful conversation with the closest of friends. And it seems like there's different degrees of humility that typically go unnoticed. There's humility that breaks us to our core and challenges the very soul of who we are. There's humility that breaks only the surface, but it's the humility that though a scratch, still has the potential of ruining us.

Yet there's also humility that doesn't do either. It just stares us in the eye. For me, this kind of humility does the most damage to who I am. It haunts me for not one fleeting moment, but even for years on end. But it is this simplicity that wrecks me for the better.

I have the blessing of sharing my life with dozens of men that I don't even know much of every week. These men are phenomenal and endure so much. Their resilience and their faith astound me. It makes me look like a wuss - probably because I am. But I find it interesting that the spiritual giants of the world aren't who we would typically expect, they're the ones who live their lives in the gutters, in the dirt, in the temp-jobs, bars, and most unlikely of places. They're the ones who go completely unnoticed week-in and week-out.

A few Sundays ago I was sitting on a park bench talking with a few of these ‘spiritual giants'. It just happened to be freezing outside. I just happened to complain about it. Then I received a response that was almost like a whisper because I chose to not hear as much of it as I could. One of these guys said, "yeah, it got pretty cold last night," and he just stared at me.

Ouch.

Last night I had another unlikely experience. I was asked by one of my good friends to help him lead worship at his youth group. I love having the opportunity to lead others in such an amazing thing that's more than words can even express, so I jumped at the offer. After worship, the high schoolers started asking me all kinds of questions about this crazy mission trip I'm going on. I answered them as best as I could with a 15-minute monologue and heresy. I guess I like the sound of my voice too much.

But Parker did the unexpected. This, what I've learned to be not-so-average-18-year-old, had everyone surround me, lay their hands on me, and pray.

Talk about powerful.

Talk about humbling.

I don't know if you've ever had 40-some teenagers laying their hands on you and praying for you, but it's an experience that I cannot even put into words. It's merely one that humbles a person. Imagine having 40 of society's biggest nuisances lifting you into God's care and protection, praying that you're enabled to do His ministry successfully. To have the blessing of such a rag-tag bunch of youth merely makes me smile. It makes my heart rejoice.

And it makes me think that we run into Jesus in the most unexpected places. Sometimes it's on the street, sometimes it's in a troubled youth, sometimes it's our own reflection in the mirror. But I think that each time we run into Christ, we're somehow reminded of our need to make ourselves humble. I'm one of the most proud people I know, but this is one of the things that God's been teaching me a lot lately. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it just stares me in the face.

2007-12-03T09:58:00.001-06:00

The Remedy (2 of 2)

This is the last post in the blog series "A Gospel Stripped of Power". Read the intro., part one, part two, and part three.

With Christ leading the church, we can no longer begin our evangelism with the thing that separates a man from God. Christ himself is within himself the answer of why we cannot. In Christ, we see that God confronted man in his heathenism, in his folly, darkness, and separation from him. But also in Christ, we see that God himself took the initiative to look past these things. God views this man to whom we are speaking from the perspective of what he has already accomplished in Christ.[1] In other words, we cannot obscure the "yes" of God in Jesus Christ, with a "yes-but".[2] We must consider our fellow man on the same ground on which we stand, delivered from the wages of sin and reconciled back to God because of Christ. We cannot start with condemnation, Jesus doesn't.

Therefore our message in no way can be condemning. The word that comes from Jesus' lips are God's "yes" in the face of the mankind's "no".[3] And so should our message be. We view this man as one that Jesus died for, who has ownership of the freedom found in Christ, but does not yet know it. Our work is the joyful proclaiming of this paradox of man, that he be awakened of his freedom in Christ, that he lives as he now can, and find his true individuality in finding Jesus Christ. In his awakening he embraces God, a God of flesh and blood that meets him where he stands. He meets this God in Jesus Christ.[4]

Thus is the reality of the Christian within the Church. And how much more joyful is this message, a message carrying the hope of truly experiencing life by experiencing the fullness of all reality in God. This life is the witness of the members of the Church to the world. The world, blind to the freedom they have in Christ confronts him when they confront the church. This confrontation with Christ is the thing that will lead the lost to repentance, for in confronting the holiness of Christ, one can only see what is wrong within himself. Only in this way can we understand the missional nature of the Church. Anderson puts it this way:

"The Church's mission is not to build up an empire or kingdom that it controls but to experience and express the kingdom of God through the lives of its members as well as the various groups and organizations that they form."[5]

When we gather in worship, when we celebrate Christmas and Easter, when we live life, we are in fact witnessing to the truth of Christ.

It seems to me that when considering the good news of Christ, the idea of spreading the word is all the more exciting; the way that we understand the Gospel of Christ will affect the way that we view those that we outreach to. The conversion of an individual into Christianity is not just a change of mind or simply a prayer for eternal security. No, this conversion is an awakening. It is a complete renewal. Becoming who you are as a child of God isn't just gaining the power to do better and sin less. Rather, what is gained is completely new life.[6]

This conversion is the Spirit, guiding the person into a place where he or she sees and understands what God has done for him. This conversion takes place in the entire being of the person; it is life, as Paul said, apart from the vice of sin. It is truly life, because life is only truly life when it is life with God. And how beautiful is it to witness this work of Christ! Sin's power is broken; this life made new is life in the sense that it need not be influenced by sin. In other words, this life is life as it was meant to be, restored to God, in communion with him, and finding its identity in him. In this new life, we are free to worship as we never could. This new life is empowering. We have been given the privilege to take part in this awakening in others; this is how we are to understand evangelism.

With the understanding of the gospel as we have just discovered it, we experience perhaps a new sensation. It is liberation. It is liberation at not feeling as though we need to carry the weight of Christ's work on our shoulders. It is liberation at participating with him in his work. It is liberation at being in communion with a dynamic living savior in a vibrant and progressive faith.

More so, we do not have to worry as much about the question of pluralism in the modern age. In fact, we may embrace it. The gospel of Christ we have learned meets man on their own level. This is the crux of the gospel, God became man. The solidarity he shown is the same solidarity that we show our fellow man, understanding them in the framework of both our own humanity and the lens that God views them. The fear of pluralism is that the truth of the gospel is compromised. But as we have learned, the Church does not carry Christ and his news around in a briefcase, confronting people and opening its contents. The Gospel of Christ is not boxed in. Instead it seeks out man, on their own level. The story of redemption seeks to permeate time, age, and race. [7] With Christ at the helm we need not fear this confrontation of cultures. [8] In the True Church, under the Lordship of Christ, Christ takes our briefcase from us and invites us to follow him.

And we follow him to the corners of the world. We can escape the religious exclusivism created out of fear for reaching the people of the globe with the redemptive love of God. [9] We are already familiar with Christ's command, "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations."[10] Jesus Christ could have left the believers of the world as just that, simply believers. But he didn't. Instead, he defines the church with this great task; we are not left as bumbling beings wandering around in a meaningless euphoria. Rather, we are unified in our belief, set apart for the purpose of the spreading of the Good News. So in essence, this task defines us a collective unit under Christ. And this church, not being able to be separated from it, can only be measured by it.[11] But now we understand the fullness of our message, "He, Jesus Christ…in totality and fullness [is] the content of this task. His person, His work, His revealed name, the prophetic Word by which he proclaims himself within it, is the matter at issue in its task."[12] We proclaim the name of Jesus, not because he is the means to an end, but because within him only we are made righteous and reconciled to God.

I cannot help but feel, with all of the joy that the Gospel brings to me, that this reveals a certain failure within the church. This essay should have never had to be written. It reveals in some sense a misuse of the great joy that we carry, a misuse that extinguishes the joy for most. It shows us our effort to contain and steal the gospel of Christ from Christ. And a gospel without Christ is an idol. It becomes minimized, trivialized. People loose interest, and get bored. The hope in sanctification is lost, reduced to "trying harder". Philippians tells us that the gospel, even when presented not in its proper way will still hold power; indeed, I saw grace even in the version I was presented. But how empowering would it be to truly understand the Gospel as new life, in daily communion with God? How empowering would it be to a congregation?

May we begin to see the Gospel of Christ as a living powerful gospel. May we seek his face when we wake and pray our thanksgiving when we sleep. Let us begin to see the world, man and nature as one bound to God in Jesus Christ and may we continue to worship, discover, and share God as we now can.

[1] Barth. CD. IV, 3.2. Pg. 805

[2] Ibid. Pg. 801

[3] See Barth. CD. IV, 2. Pg. 580

[4] See Anderson, Ray. (2004). The Soul Of God. Eugene, Oregon. Wipf and Stock. Pg. 74

[5] Anderson, Ray. An Emerging Theology for an Emerging Church. Pg. 99

[6] Barth. CD. IV, 2. Pgs 553-560

[7] See Barth. CD. IV, 3.2 Pg. 822

[8] Ibid. Pg. 819-823. This is far from synchretism as Barth will point out. Indeed the truth of the Gospel is not and should not be a truth that is compromised. This is far from a form of liberalism that conforms the doctrine to a place or time. Rather this truth of the Gospel confronts the time and place, not in a mode of western assimilation or destruction, but permeates the culture with the reality of the redemption and freedom found in Christ. Christ himself, and his message in this way will critique the culture in whatever follies it may have the same way that when he confronts the individual, the individual can do nothing but see the unholyness in his life in contrast to the holiness of the Son. The reaction from a culture must respond to this, not to our attempts at assimilation.

[9] See Anderson. An Emerging Theology for an Emerging Church. Pg 149-150. Anderson relates the work that we are blessed to do as the "law of love." I would add, if he didn't already implicitly, that Christ's solidarity is found most prominently in this fashion.

[10] Matthew 28:19

[11] Barth. CD. IV, 3.2 Pg. 795. Although Barth here doesn't spend much time on this one fact, he emphasizes the fact that the church, by definition is set apart for the sake of the world. The "task" as he calls it, the work of Jesus Christ and the presentation of the gospel seems to me to become the measuring stick to show the life of the church, not in the sense of a number of people, but the life, livelihood, and contagiousness. And likewise, these attributes display the evangelical effectiveness of a given church.

[12] Ibid. Pg. 797

2007-12-03T09:57:00.001-06:00

The Remedy (1 of 2)

This is part three in a blog series titled, "A Gospel Stripped of Power" by my friend, Michael Dean Beardslee. Read the introduction, part one, and part two if you haven't already. If you have questions, feel free to ask.

What is required of a community that holds this dichotomy is nothing short of repentance. The repentance that is required is not a form of shame or apology; our apology will be in our action. This repentance is the change of the self and a humbling of the spirit. In submission it recognizes the holiness of God. It is a dying of the self and taking part in the work of the Christ whom we serve.

We as a church die to ourselves, and hand over the control of the church to the lordship of Christ. The Church by nature is now, by nature, evangelical. It is not merely a gathering place for believers, a stronghold against the evils of the world. It can do nothing else but testify the good news. This doesn't mean that every church, Baptist or Orthodox needs to send all of their members on worldwide mission. Rather, we need to recognize what the Church really is. The Church is the body of Christ.[1] The Christ who is the head of the Church is the living Christ who walked among men in the first century. We serve a resurrected Lord, one who is living, present, and continues to work among us.

The work of the True Church, the work that we are a part of, is primarily the work of the risen Lord. The Church universal is the earthly-historical form of the living Christ.[2] We are the hands and feet of Christ involved with the redemption of the world. The true Church is the church that views itself in this way, not in that God gave us this mandate and left us to it. The true church recognizes that it is under the guiding spirit of God. His movements are our movements. His words are our words. Jesus' message to the world is our message to the world.

Under this understanding of the Church and the Gospel, our message takes a different complexion. First, we are sent into the world with the message of the Good News of what Christ has done. What then has he done, it may be more of a discovery than one might think. Paul explains.

"Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand."[3]

Jesus took our place. God himself looked upon our sin, our disobedience, our lack of faith. He looked upon our folly and our separation from him and decided not too hold it against us. Instead, he became man, taking on our humanity with all of its finiteness and limits. He took all of that sin, disobedience, faithlessness, folly, and separation and put them to death on the cross. In other words, "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."[4] The life of Christ is the story of God overlooking our folly and grabbing us out of the pit of despair himself. Our hope is the life of Christ, the very "Yes" of God.

Therefore the life we live, we live as life should be. In other words, Jesus, by taking on our sin, and imparting to us his life, has reconciled us to God. We have been brought back into the fold; the folly of man has been overlooked by God, or better yet, undone by God. We live in the reality of the resurrection; as we are dead to sin we now live in the present reality of the resurrection.

Paul understands the Gospel in two ways that we could look at. First is the idea of salvation. The word, which appears often in his letters almost always are in the future tense, the concept seems eschatological. The fullness of salvation is something that is not yet. Furthermore, this concept of salvation is presented to us in light of the death and resurrection of Christ. The locus is the work of Christ, and the eternal destination is the byproduct of what he accomplished. So, in typical pragmatic fashion, the church collectively asks, "What did he accomplish?"[5]

Paul shows us that there is a present reality about the work of Christ. This is the language of deliverance. Because of Christ's work, our spirit is alive in Christ, presently! This deliverance is not to be understood in the future tense; hell is not the object that we are delivered from. Rather, we have been freed from the very thing that condemns us in the first place. There is where our freedom lies. He tells us, "But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life."[6] Paul can only ask his brothers and sisters to live a life of holiness if he believes there has been a change. To Paul, living life is not a just waiting game for either death or Christ's return in order that we experience the fruit of what Christ did. Not at all, we are to live life as we are only now able to, in the deliverance from sin.

Consider the idea of adoption. Romans tells us that we have "received the Spirit of sonship." This is no arbitrary description of our present status with God. No, we are co-heirs with Christ. In Christ, God has adopted us as sons and daughters into his family. The hope that we have in Christ is one where we share in Christ's humanity. We share in his death, dying to sin. We share in his resurrection, being raised into new life. We share in Christ's very relationship with the Father, with all the power and future glory of sitting at the right hand of the Father. Sin has been dethroned as the power of our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin; instead we are children of God drawn back into a living, active relationship with him. In summation, the good news is this: We can now live life as it was meant to be, in all of the fullness and beauty of being able to call him, "Abba, Father." The subsequent separation with the fall of man, has been undone by Christ. And this work that he did, he did at one point in history, and he did it for all man. This is the good news.[7]

[1] Colossians 1:18

[2] Barth. CD. IV, 2. Pg. 633

[3] Romans 5:1,2 Here paul begins to expound completely on the thesis of 1:16-17. In other words, here is where we begin to see how this "righteousness has been revealed." - Jesus' work is not separated from the work of God.

[4] Romans 5:8

[5] Perhaps a more accurate, but less politically correct, but equally as sad question would have been, "What can I gain today with this work of Christ."

[6] Romans 6:22 *The word "slave" might throw some people off. The idea of slavery was not a term of taboo in the ancient world. Depending on the Greek form, a better word to use for modern English may be servant, or the idea of "servitude".

[7] See Anderson, Ray. (2006.). An Emerging Theology for an Emerging Church. Downers Grove, Illinois. Intervarsity Press. Chapter 5. He explains how salvation is both a present and future reality and includes a discussion about the fall and redemption of the created order, or creation namely, which I had to regrettably leave out.

2007-12-01T23:15:00.001-06:00

The Sickness

This is part two of the blog series "A Gospel Stripped of Power". Read the intro. and part one.

What is reductionism? Barth calls it a shift in emphasis. It is an easy trap to fall into. As a church body we want to be effective as possible and in confronting different cultures and circumstances, the Gospel may be presented in a way that appeals to that different situation. The problem as Guder tells us is when these emphases become the absolute.[1] In other words, over time, the people of a church body begin to see and interpret the gospel through the lens of this emphasis. For instance, the kingdom of God which Christ brings is a kingdom displaying justice and morality. But when these things are taken out of context, from the redemptive work of Jesus Christ on the cross and his resurrection, they become an absolute within themselves.[2] The gospel narratives and Pauline epistles are then eisegetically read from the perspective solely of justice and morality, resulting in a flaky Social Gospel. But here I am concerned with a different reduction. Listen to an author trying to put the ideas of Christianity into contemporary language.

Jerry Pattengale in his new book giving "straight" answers about today's Christianity shares with us a story opening his chapter on the doctrine of salvation. He offers a couple of disillusioned teens at the beach the message of the good news of Christ. They reply in typical angst ridden rebellious fashion, "Tell us the g-oo-oo-ood newwws."

Pattengale begins, "The bible says that if you are living in sin, you are going to hell."

He would continue his conversation to the best of his ability, eventually praying with one of the recipients to receive Christ into her life. But something is very interesting about this tale.[3] Consider how he starts. The poor girl might consider anything good news after first hearing that. The book continues, it gives a model of how to "witness" to others. A Christian reader, who we will call Bob, is asked to pick two questions from a list to begin a conversation. I'll pick a few:

· What do you think that a person has to do to get into heaven?

· Do you know for sure that you will go to heaven when you die?

· Would you mind if I told you why I'm not afraid to die?

· Who do you think that Jesus is?

Afterward, Bob is told to share, if the recipient is open, the six points of the Gospel. Of which the final two, after Jesus died and rose again, focus on heaven and eternity, the fruit of Jesus' labor.[4]

This is the reductionist gospel of which I speak. The problem is that we have picked an element, a mere byproduct of what the central truth of the gospel is and stressed it to the point of making it an absolute. It has become the lens by which we view the saving grace of God. This byproduct is the subject of Heaven and Hell, and as shown by Mr. Pattengale above, the Gospel is now understood as a means of a gain, a Heaven ticket if you will. What we are left with, is a Gospel manageable but stripped of its power.

How did this happen, I'm sure it was painfully simple. Coming out of the Reformation which rightfully stressed the grace, and reacting from the collective oppression of the 16^th century church, the protestant stressed the individual care of God for each man. If this is where the problem was rooted, then perhaps it was a necessary evil. The enlightenment era of individual rationality fit well with this rising form of individualism.[5] The revivalists would adopt some form of necessary reduction to fit the mentality and appeal towards the individual. For individual appeal, it may have been easier to stress the eternal. It was moving and easy to systematize. It plainly showed the fruits of repentance and the consequences of rejection. In short, it was easy to manage.

This desire to manage is the first finger pointing towards the curse of reductionism. In trying to contain the gospel, or pigeonhole it, aren't we implying our ownership of the Gospel? Aren't we in essence telling Jesus that we have it from here? By limiting the Gospel of Jesus Christ into a subsection, aren't we claiming lordship over the task given to us?

Jesus is living. We sometimes forget that. But the truth is, that Christ is the Lord over the Church whether we say he is or not. He will not allow his Gospel to "sink into the abyss."[6] But a community of believers who take it upon themselves to fit the gospel into their box and attempt to establish its logos over Christ's will find themselves a product of their own making.

At first this problem isn't evident. Again, we find the difficulty in trying to explain what is wrong when the reduced gospel is based entirely on the True Gospel of Christ. "Formally," Barth says, "such an impartation need not be lacking in biblical foundation, biblical content, and attachment to the best traditions of the ecclesiastical past, such as, for example, those of the century of the Reformation."[7] The message might be that salvation is by grace alone, achieved only by Christ, but there is a qualitative difference. It refuses to see the Gospel as the living Word and continuing mission of Jesus Christ himself.[8] So instead, we preach a Gospel of benefits to the people evangelized to. The church offers a potential convert a gift box with a sticker that reads, "From: Jesus Christ." Inside is a ticket. His guilt is not at seeing how his life has missed the mark; he doesn't understand his sin in the brilliantly painful light of the holiness of Christ. Rather, his guilt comes from either a standpoint of eternal damnation or solely moral conviction; the first thing that Pattengale appealed to was the horrors of hell.

In this Heaven-Hell dichotomy, we may begin to subconsciously understand Christ as a Deist Christ. That is, because we understand his work as means by which we gain heaven, his work is finished, or that he accompanies at a distance, leaving his work purely in the hands of people. In this dichotomy, Christ is not dynamic, present, and living. He is merely a presence, a sidekick to the Church. All the while, this fire continues to spread as the urgency of Hell continues to add fuel to the movement.[9]

The emphasis on the conversion as the efficacy of salvation denotes a conditional love. Both Calvinist and Arminean camps, when viewing salvation through this lens, could demean the work of Christ. Either we do not take seriously the work of Christ as the appropriation of our salvation or we make love conditional by placing grace after election and conversion instead of within Jesus Christ.[10] The difference between this reductionistic Gospel and the living Gospel of Christ is extremely subtle, but the consequences are huge. It is the difference between a vibrant, living community participating in the work of Christ in his Lordship and a community that tries to control Jesus.

It could be argued that this type of reductionism results in no more than a Gnostic flavor of Christianity. Is that what we are not telling the world, that we have a salvation claimed in what we know about Christ? Our questions and aspirations have now become, not what the living Word of God has to say to this age; rather, our effort is put into how we can be relevant or "fresh" to the generations. In other words, "how do we best explain this knowledge to the world?"[11]

Thus forms our mission to the world. We hold this good news, and are left with the mandate, the obligation, to share it. Out we send our missionaries. I wonder how often we miss the mark. I remember a story about a missionary sent to Kenya. A student recounts what a tribesman said. "The missionaries missed their chance" he said, "They should have used baptism much more to initiate us into one new divine community."[12] To often the contents of our gift box is written in the wrong language. Our effort to reduce the Gospel and control it results in a somber trip back home. In our effort to master the Gospel, we only show a world of set of standards and ethics which have been stripped of their life-giving power.[13] In this "unevangelical conservatism" we find that we are not comfortable letting go and letting Christ be the head.

[1] Guder, Darrell. (2000.). The Continuing Conversion of the Church. Grand Rapids. Wm. B. Eerdmans. Pg. 101

[2] See Guder. Pg. 124

[3] Pattengale, Jerry. (2004.). Str8t@lk. Marion, Indiana. Triangle Publishing. Pg. 43

[4] Pattengale. Str8t@lk. Pg. 161-162

[5] See Guder. The Continuing Conversion of the Church. Pg. 115-119

[6] See Barth. CD IV, 3.2. Pg. 796

[7] Ibid. Pg. 813

[8] Ibid. Pg. 815

[9] Ibid. Pg. 817

[10] For a detailed discussion on this read James Torrance's essay The Incarnation and Limited Atonement.

[11] Barth. CD. IV, 3.2. Pg 818

[12] Asante, Emmanuel. (2001.). The gospel in Context: an African Perspective. Interpretation, 55-4, Pgs. 355-366

[13] Barth. CD. IV, 3.2 Pg. 819

2007-11-30T11:49:00.000-06:00

A Thorn of Disillusionment

I mentioned in my last post about a new blog series titled, "A Gospel Stripped of Power" where I'll be examining the emptiness behind the gospel we find ourselves presented with today. This is actually written by my friend Michael Beardslee and if you would like his contact information let me know and I'll get it to you. If you have any questions about what any of this 'means', let me know that too. I'm free to answer questions.

God has a way of reminding us that he is really God.

I'm usually not reminded by the sweaty evangelist on the morning radio anymore. I've become bored with him. What haunts me is a whisper. It's those times where the presence of God is so profoundly felt that it spurs me to change. The Word of God brings forth the winds of change. It moves and empowers; Elijah heard a quiet whisper, and returned to the city. I feel as though I have stumbled upon a change within the church. And like Israel, this change rides the wings of our folly.

I began to catch wind of this when I was involved with a simple outreach to high-school kids. Week after week I became more aware of a thorn in my side. We taught and taught, and after two years with mainly the same kids and various reinterpretations of the youth program itself my itch got worse. We were still left with a group where the passionate people that desired to worship and discover God were the minority. Our changes had failed. In the rest of the church, I saw many faces that were bored with God and uninspired to worship him. Communion had become a mandatory act, merely a filler of time. I knew something was about because of the few who seemed to radiate with gratitude. Was I judgmental? Perhaps. But it was too obvious to ignore, the thorn never left. Sometime later I talked with a close friend of mine. She had lost her faith.

A dear friend had died of cancer, which shook my friend to the core. As most of us would, she fell back on her doctrine supporting her faith, and fell straight through. Her doctrine failed to console her, but it was worse than that. It painted an ugly picture for her, one that disgusted her, to the point that she renounced her claim of being Christian. This doctrine of hers was not something strange or abnormal. On the contrary, it reminds me of the words of that early morning evangelist. Something was very wrong within the walls of the American Church.

Boredom, complacency, friends renouncing faith. At school I began to ask the "why" question. We entertained many hypotheses, such as teaching the disciplines. Then it hit me; the answer was desperately simple. We have a poor idea of what the gospel is truly about.

Let me explain

Man doesn't live life in his head; I was first awakened to the truth of the gospel in my heart, and then in my head. But the truth of the matter is this: the way that we understand the gospel as Christians builds the framework on how we understand the Christian life and relate to God. If this was the case, the answer was simple. The church, at least the churches that I had grown up knowing had a poor understanding of the gospel of Christ, and this poor understanding is passed onto others.

I propose that much of what the American church understands as the gospel is not gospel in full. It is instead a watered down version, stripped of its power in our attempt to pigeonhole it into a singular, systematic process. Best shown in two different categories, Richard Foster calls it the gospel of the right and the gospel of the left.[1] But I will restrict my argument to focus on the "gospel of the right".

It is difficult for me to point the finger and say, "That is wrong." The difficulty lies in that this gospel stripped of power denotes that it once did, indeed, have power. Karl Barth tells us that a gospel of salvation that has lost its power can have all of the trappings of a true gospel, it can be shrouded in biblical truth and pietistic zeal and still be a "dull impartation which says everything and nothing…"[2] Having once known power, or understood the gospel in one sense, the watery gospel cannot be critiqued on a purely doctrinal level as it still retains doctrinal truth. But we can begin to discover what happened.

What strips the Gospel of its power is what is called reductionism, and in a majority of churches, the gospel of Christ has been reduced.

[1] Foster, Richard. (2004.). "Salvation is For Life". Theology Today 61.03. Pg. 297-308

[2] Barth, Karl. Church Dogmatics. Vol IV. Part 2 Edinburgh. T & T Clark. Pg. 813

2007-11-29T19:00:00.000-06:00

A Gospel Stripped of Power

I've been thinking a lot lately about why we pray the prayer for salvation. I think a lot of it has to do with where we're at in the world, probably because it has a lot to do with how we're fed the gospel. Like in America, it's almost as if we pray it because it's a free ticket to Heaven - that's it and no more. We spend the rest of our lives just waiting around for death; death so we can go to Heaven and reap the benefits of speaking a few words in our lifetime. The result? Rotting dead people in pews.

The consequence is that we miss out on the reason for accepting Christ in the first place. We're such a consumerist society that this lopsided version of the gospel isn't well received anymore. Other religions have more appeal, especially with the promise at the chance of a new and maybe better life ‘reincarnated'.

But why does it seem that this is the one catch-phrase for most evangelists: are you going to heaven when you die? It's so empty, really. It's very shallow and whenever I run into street evangelists on the street… it pisses me off because this is all their concerned about. Some people say, "as long as the gospel's being preached…" But is this really all there is to the gospel? Because I think there's something more.

What I'm about to do I've never done before. I'm actually going to do a blog series. That's right. The funny part is: it's not my words. My friend Michael Beardslee and I were talking about this very issue and how it affects the church.

Apparently he wrote a paper on it.

It's a very sweet paper titled, "Reductionism Crisis: A Gospel Stripped of Power". It revolves around this very issue that's been plaguing my brain for the last few weeks. So I'm going to share it in a 3-4 part series.

In the meantime, I'm working on another blog series on "community". It's something I've been really passionate about in the last few years and, well, I'm going to write more about it looking at it biblically, theologically, and practically… granted I'm sure that over the course of the next year, I'm going to blow my own thoughts out of the water.

I might mention that Beardo's writing is pretty in depth. If you have any questions as to what something means, whether vocabulary-wise or theologically, let me know. I would love to answer questions. Not only will this challenge me, it'll hopefully challenge you.

2007-11-26T18:44:00.000-06:00

dreams

It’s just a vapor
A tantalizing desire;
Something I dream
Of chasing into reality.
Fear of grasping air
Catches up with me,
Paralyzing my feet
And imagination.
Where is this hope
Of something new?
Something not a mirage?
Perhaps it’s up ahead
Or else another
Cloud, a vapor that I
Wish to chase…

2007-11-20T23:34:00.000-06:00

Jesus Came Back

About a month ago I wrote about an experience I had. I was approached by a homeless man for money, money for a shelter, he wanted a hug ‘in the name of Jesus', amongst other things. I turned him away in a not-so-kindly manner. I wrote about it here and I really encourage you to go read it before reading the rest of this post. Consider this the sequel, a continuation of my journey through life…

Every Tuesday night some friends and I get together in a local bar. Part of me hesitates to call it a bar because, well, they serve coffee and special food and it doesn't seem like a bar. It smells like a bar. It looks like a bar. But because of the coffee, I consider it a coffee shop with extra strong coffee ‘options'. Anyway, we gather there to talk about theology.

It's called "Theology Pub". Part of me thinks it's really ridiculous. Sometimes the intention is to talk about theology; issues of our faith that we're really wrestling with, other times we just sit and catch up. I've come to find out that a lot happens to each of us in a week's time and theology pub has become a great place to lay prayer requests on the table. It's a powerful thing because these are Christians who actually pick them up and pray over them - they even follow up the next week to see how things have or haven't improved. And, yes, they drink beer.

I was sitting there tonight and started dozing off. It gave me the impression that I was pretty tired, so I decided to head home for the night. I said my goodbyes, made my way through the haze of smoke, and walked outside. It's finally winter here in Wichita. Today our first ‘official' cold front came through. It's a biting 40 degrees out… with wind. Needless to say, the cold punched me in the face when I stepped out of the bar.

I started walking to my car, which was a block away - parking was severely limited when I arrived earlier. But as I was making my way to the car, I saw this guy ride his bike out of the alley. I'm not going to lie, it was kind of creepy seeing someone emerge from the darkness on a bicycle, especially when you realize they're talking to you.

"You still got your black friends?" he asked.

"Excuse me," I inquired because I wasn't sure if I heard him right.

"You still got your black friends?"

"Well, yeah. I have lots of black friends." I was puzzled at what having ‘black friends' had to do with anything, but I knew he was checking me out so I just went with it. I immediately knew this guy was homeless, too, but I couldn't understand why he looked so familiar. I had seen him before but I knew I hadn't ever seen him at Church on the Street.

"Listen brother," he began, "It's pretty cold tonight and I'm sleeping in a shack that I built. I was wondering if I could have a few bucks to recharge my propane tank?"

A few weeks ago I had bought several blankets to keep in my car so when I'm driving around at night and see someone camped out on the side of the road, I can do what I can to help keep them warm. I offered all of the blankets to this guy and he didn't want them. He said he had plenty, that what he really wanted was actual heat. "Just a few bucks," he pleaded. I truly had no cash on me, so I told him he could follow me to my car and I would check the ashtray.

We made conversation on the way to my car. His name was Tater - obviously not his real name. A lot of times the homeless won't give their real name, but a nickname or such, just to avoid being picked off by cops or something. Tater's from California but came here when he found out his mother was sick, but now he's trapped on the street and does what he can to get by, including begging. I was able to give him about $1.50 in change - all I had - and then he asked me to pray for him. So I took his request and gave it to God. It was powerful. He also asked for prayer for one of his friends. Despite his condition, his faith astounded me.

And on my way home, I just smiled. I remember where I saw this guy last. He was that other face of Jesus that I told to ‘buzz off' up the road a month before. Talk about a renewed opportunity.

Maybe there's no such thing as second chances, but I think God's pretty passionate about restoration. I think he remembered how much that experience had scarred me, how dirty and rotten I felt. I truly believe that he presented me with an opportunity to not redeem myself, but I believe he let me tangibly feel the restoration in my own heart. And maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, but I really don't care. I just know that God rocked my life tonight… again.

2007-11-16T22:39:00.000-06:00

When I'm at the End

I don't know what it is, but I'm definitely at the end of my rope. I'm restless. Very restless. And that's probably the biggest understatement that I've made this year. I've noticed, also, that it's paved a road to a lot of anger lately - not what I was expecting. I feel like I've been kept locked up for so long, I'm ready to break loose, to be set free. But I wait. I still have more time to fester and to let my emotions stir. Why? Because sometimes the cruelest thing I endure is what's best for me.

But I'm definitely at the end. I can take no more.

2007-11-08T13:59:00.000-06:00

Crippled Faith

I was at the coffee shop one day just sitting there. I like to sit in the front of the store because I can stare out the window and into the street where people are carrying on with the day's activities. Sometimes I feel like I'm at the zoo because I watch them so carefully, paying close attention to their every move, almost like I'm going to write about them later or something…

But while I was sitting there I noticed an individual scootin' by in their wheelchair. It was one of those fancy motorized ones, you know, with the joystick that enables their mangled hand to weave them in and out of traffic. If I were them, I would probably use it to hit people or opossums. I would blame my rudeness on my handicap, which is why I probably don't have one. It's God's way of punishing me and telling me I can't have fun while wheeling around town or the mall (that would be a fun place!).

Fortunately, this particular individual wasn't me. He was a very generous man, gracefully moving around on four wheels like they were his own two feet. He was courteous and very kind to those that were getting in his way, although he didn't view it like that. There was one thing that stood out, however: he had the worlds most simple and complex book resting on his lap. It was the Bible. I could only sit there and marvel.

Maybe I'm jumping to an insurmountable conclusion concerning this, but I admire the faith of the handicapped. I don't understand how so many of them do it. They're completely crippled, fettered to a wheelchair for their entire lives, yet they hold so diligent and fast to their faith - to God. They love and proclaim the goodness of God from the confides of a chair on wheels and the whole time they tote around a Bible that sports story after story of God healing people, including the paralyzed, lame, and crippled.

I don't know about you, but I would have a serious problem with this… yet it doesn't bother them that Jesus hasn't healed their handicap.

Or has he?

See, I think the ‘handicapped' understand something about faith and God that I'll never understand. They have a grasp on the reality of life and what it really is. Cause while I'm busy running back and forth from meaningless activity to redundant inactivity, they're sitting on their motorized seat, powered by Jesus, and look at me like I'm crazy.

Why do I look at them like they're crazy? Is it because I'm insensitive to their ailment? Is it because I stare at people like they belong in a zoo?

No.

I marvel at their display of faith. And what's more, I don't think it's a display. I think it is their faith which captivates my attention, my gaze, and my heart - my heart to be more like them.

So next time you see a handicapped person, don't stick your foot in the way to trip them or see if it hurts when they run over it - just smile at them and attempt to muster out a ‘hello' to someone with great faith.

**I might make it clear that I really like handicapped people. I'm not mean to them, really. I have handicapped friends. I don't stare at them… all the time… but I do admire the faith of many of them. It inspires me and I hope that in some way it can inspire you as well. And please don't trip them, that's just plain stupid A lot of them know karate…

2007-11-04T23:38:00.001-06:00

Asleep in the Light

"Surpresa Sithole, one of the four international directors of Iris Ministries, had to attend the tragic funeral of his brother Pastor Sithole and his cousin after a group of radical religious anti-Christians cut him up into pieces because he was preaching the gospel. Pastor Sithole will be greatly missed."

This was a report from Heidi Baker on October 22, 2007. Her and Rolland, Heidi's husband, run Iris Ministries where my friend is actually in school right now.

But the reality and worthiness of the Gospel really hit home reading this urgent prayer request. There were actually several prayer requests, but this particular one stood out at me. It made me realize the presence of darkness out in the world - the opposition that Christians face on a daily basis across the globe.

I guess the frustrating part is that there are so many Christians here in America who will read something like this and think how pathetically sad it is that that had happened to somebody, then they'll promptly go back to retreating to their pew on Sunday mornings where they play a Christian one day a week. It drives me nuts at the insensitivity of Christians in the States. The least they can do is actually get on their knees and pray. It demands nothing of us but our time.

Oh, wait.

I forget how much value we've placed on time in America. We don't have much of it.

But dang it, if there's something this intense happening in the Kingdom, especially in the realm of spiritual attack, why do we just sit on our hands, kick up our feet and not do anything about it? We're all the same under Christ. Under Christ we are all brothers and sisters. We are family. Pastor Sithole was my brother. I lost a brother. My brother was chopped into pieces by religious fanatics because he was preaching about our Jesus.

While I am incredibly saddened by the loss - sincerely - I am rejoicing that he ‘went out' doing something so awesome. I hope that I can go out whatever way brings God the most glory. If it's while sleeping in my bed… great. If it's while getting slaughtered in a jail cell because I told someone about Jesus… (though hesitant), great!

Seth Barnes wrote in one of his blogs, "I want to live the kind of life so that when my eyes snap open in the morning, the demons say, 'Oh no, he's awake again.'" I'm pretty sure that's how I want to be. In all honesty, I wish that's the way that we were as a church. I think it's rather unfortunate that we're not. I'm pretty sure the demons shrieked every morning Pastor Sithole woke up. They knew that he knew how to kick their smelly butts.

Keith Green, an awesome Christian hippie and musician from the 70's, wrote a song called Asleep in the Light. He says, "the world is sleeping in the dark that the church can't fight, cause it's asleep in the light." How true is that?

When are we going to wake up? When are we going to realize the immensity of the Kingdom? When will we stop hiding our ‘faith' inside a building on Sunday morning and actually start living it?

Jesus is on the move - are you?

2007-10-25T13:40:00.000-05:00

As part of training for this world missions trip, we were asked to share a brief story of when God called us to to do something radical. Here is my story...

Meredith Dinsdale opened my eyes to something. We're supposed to write about a radical adventure that we've had. Normally when I think of radical adventures I think of something, well, pretty crazy. I think of people hanging off cliffs and purposively trying to drown themselves in raging river rapids. I don't usually think of going to a party full of drunks and druggies - let alone going to a party of ‘said caliber' and sharing the love of Jesus. If I went to a party like that to be Jesus - "Jesus" would end up punching a lot of people in the face for their stupidity.

Church on the Street, a ministry that I am a part of, meets in a park in downtown Wichita. It's a pretty sweet homeless ministry with a significant number of guys that come each week to stuff their faces of food and gorge themselves on Jesus. One Sunday this past summer we weren't able to meet in our park. Being city property, the park was rented out to a festival - for gay and lesbian pride day.

Truly, I was okay with it. Honestly. It didn't bother me one bit that our church had to move a block away to hold service. It didn't bother me that we cranked up the sound system and boldly proclaimed the word of God. It didn't bother me that homeless guys were wondering why there were gay people in the park. It didn't even bother me that four of us planned on going over there later.

Call me ‘radical'.

Our purposes for going over to the gay pride festival were completely innocent. We didn't plan on doing ministry and we didn't plan on telling people they were going to burn in hell for committing a sin - there are enough people in this world trying to feel good about themselves. The reason we wanted to go over there was to check out this guy's sound equipment. He offered to let us use his services for an event we were planning in August.

Walking across the street to go to the park, we were a little nervous. I have gay friends but I've never been to a massive gathering of them. We decided if anybody wanted to do anything to us, we would just love on them like Jesus. We weren't there to condemn anybody. Christ loved us into being something better we what we were. I thought we should do the same; however, we weren't even to the park yet and we encountered opposition.

"What you're doing is wrong," some guy said to me wearing a burn-in-hell shirt.

I said, "umm… not it's not" because I knew full well checking out a guys sound system while surrounded by human beings was not wrong.

"You should be scared," he said back.

I don't understand why ‘Christians' feel the desire to condemn others (Jn. 3.17). So I raised my fist in the air and said, "Well then - I'm going in!"

As we walked into the gate of the park we were asked to purchase a button. I'm going to safely assume that this lady was a lesbian. I honestly didn't care. We explained our reasoning for being in the park. She was really excited for us and let us in without pay proving to me that it's really not about what you know, but who you know…

Walking in we saw a lot of same-sex couples. Most were holding hands. I didn't see anyone making out or having sex - apparently people think that's all gay people do. We even saw some of our friends. People were really nice. I think it was very clear to those around the four of us that we weren't gay. It might have been because, well, they ‘just know' or it might have been that we were purposively walking through the park girl-guy-girl-guy.

We eventually stumbled across Joel, the soundman, and he showed us his gear. It was very fancy and high-tech. He accepted the job offer we had in place for him and then that was it. We said our goodbyes, wished him luck, and left. Walking out there was a man speaking, sort of like a motivational speaker, and he was encouraging the gay community to keep doing what they're doing, to keep lobbying for bills in congress, and to continue fighting for their rights. I didn't know what to think.

Outside the park we stood on the street corner waiting to cross the street, the entire time being judged by the nice little ‘Christians' sitting there shouting at us. I felt like my home was being prepared in hell - nice cushy pillow and all. They tried handing us a track - you know, the little pieces of paper that tell people about Jesus. They just handed it to us. We refused it and told them they should probably read it.

I couldn't help but think of how nice all of the gay people were to us and how condemning the Christians were. I think if I had gone back, I would have wanted to sit and just ‘be' with the gay people. I honestly felt like throwing rocks at the Christians on the street corner. I didn't ‘feel the love' from them, I only felt hatred.

I guess I still marvel at grace. I've never been gay and truly don't ever want to be. The thing is we're all sinners saved by grace - saved by Jesus. It's not because we deserve it, it's because God loves us. Those people aren't going to hell any more for being ‘gay' than I will for being a liar. But I think there comes a point where we realize the intensity of this Love and it changes us, including our lifestyles. This adventure changed me, changed my perspective, and gave me a renewed ability to love people for who they are, not what they do.

I just hope that I never do throw rocks in the name of love.

2007-10-22T18:56:00.001-05:00

International Justice Mission

I want to start highlighting some of these organizations to the left. They do some great work around the globe, including here in the States. Take a closer look at the International Justice Mission...

History of IJM

Founded in 1997, IJM began operations after a group of human rights professionals, lawyers and public officials

launched an extensive study of the injustices witnessed by overseas missionaries and relief and development workers. This study, surveying more than 65 organizations and representing 40,000 overseas workers, uncovered a nearly unanimous awareness of abuses of power by police and other authorities in the communities where they served. Without the resources or expertise to confront the abuse and to bring rescue to the victims, these overseas workers required the assistance of trained public justice professionals

When the poor are hungry, homeless or alienated, the Church has come to their aid by providing food, shelter and missionaries to meet the pressing needs. But when the poor have been oppressed, treated unjustly and suffered under the hand of someone more powerful, little was done on their behalf.

Accordingly, IJM was established to help fill this void, acting as an organization that stands in the gap for victims when they are left without an advocate. IJM staff members (human rights experts, attorneys and law enforcement professionals) receive case referrals from, and work in conjunction with, other non-governmental organizations and casework alliances abroad.

2007-10-21T16:57:00.001-05:00

Adventure?

Apparently Neil Young once said in a movie to a hitchhiker who knew not of his direction, “if you don’t know where you’re going, does it matter how you get there?”

I think that resonates a lot with my life at this stage of it. I have no clue where I am going – literally, and I have no idea where I’m going on this Race either, but truly, I also have no idea of the direction that I want to go in life.

Typically when a person graduates from college they’re supposed to have some kind of idea about what they want to do. I sincerely have none. I know that I want to go on this mission trip; I know that I want to serve God in some fashion or another, but I’m really not too picky. I just don’t want him to place me in a fancy church. I might not love the people there the way that I should.

Maybe that’s why I like church in the park. It’s a lot tamer. I know that sounds crazy – church tame in a park full of drug dealers and prostitutes? Yeah, it’s tame. Another word for tame is ‘broken’. You don’t know what to expect. I think that’s partly what I like about it. We’ve never had a fight break out (yet) but I’ve seen some drug deals go down at church on Sunday. How many people can say that? We got booted out of our park one time because there was going to be a “Gay Pride Festival”. Yep. We shovel the snow off the sidewalks in the winter. We stand outside in the rain. Most other churches these days get into fights when there’s juice spilled on the carpet. It would be much more entertaining to see blood on the carpet from a fistfight. Then I would probably go visit that church with a bag of popcorn. The pastor obviously delivers powerful sermons.

I don’t know though. Most days I think I know what I want to do but I don’t. I tell myself that I want to be a missionary. In all honesty, I really do. I want to work with kids. I want to work in an urban setting. Urban missionary work – that would be sweet. I don’t know if that’s what God has planned for me though. Maybe He wants me to be the next president of the – okay, just kidding...

My friend in the Peace Corp said that while working for them, you begin to learn how to take living just one day at a time, hour-by-hour, minute by minute. I’m starting to embrace that philosophy on life. God reveals such tiny portions of where He wants me, but never when I want to know it – only when I need to. Does it get frustrating? Heck yes it does. But does it matter? No.

That’s part of the adventure. If I knew where I was going to end up at the end of my life I would probably not like it, but it’s because I would miss out on the life in between. Maybe there’s a reason I end up there. Who knows? Only God Almighty does and I’m okay with that most days. Other days I want to be God, but after dwelling on the responsibility that job description entails, I embrace my humanness and decide it’s best to take orders from Him.

The World Race is no different. Yeah, I don’t know where I’m going yet. But that’s part of the adventure. I didn’t sign up to travel the world on a vacation. I signed up to wreck my life in the name of Jesus, for the name of Jesus, to see the Kingdom of God manifested in some pretty radical ways.

I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t give a rat’s ass about how I get there. Just bring on the adventure.

2007-10-20T09:07:00.000-05:00

A lot of you have been asking me the infamous question of 'where are you going on your trip?' Well... I still don't know. But below is an example of what the World Race itinerary could look like. If I remember correctly, this is the route for January '07, which mine could look incredibly similar *coughhintcough*. You check this out and read these stories. They're good. I've read all of them. And if you really like what you read, you should consider living vicariously through me and supporting me on my trip. Just click the 'Support Me!' link. :)

There is something stirring in the hearts of young people today - a holy unrest, a small voice that whispers, "You were meant for more." The World Race takes people on a journey in search of God's heart. Below are some stops on that trek. The itinerary changes every year, but here's a sample:

Mexico

So, rewind back to Mexico. By the end of our stay in Arroya Palenque, the locals had let go of their watertower suspicions of us and had really started to show us their beautiful golden smiles. They finally warmed up; I loved it. It was priceless. Read more at Reminiscing Mexico over greasy chicken in Antigua

Guatemala

Today I added one more thing to my growing list of once in a lifetime experiences. I got to climb an active volcano! It was absolutely amazing! Read more at Lovin' Guatemala!!

Nicaragua

While we were finishing up our last week in Mexico, we were told about the potential ministry sites in Nicaragua. There were three possibilities - one of them being dump ministry. My home for the month is among the people who live in the barrios surrounding the dump. He is drawing me to the "poorest of the poor", the "outcasts of the outcasts," the "nobodies among the nobodies," the "forgotten among the forgotten." Read more at Down in the Dumps

Costa Rica

As we were saying goodbyes, a flood of memories came back to me of all the great things that happened here in Costa Rica… I mean just look at this picture. Does that look like the heart of a lonely old man dying inside anymore? Christ gave him back his life! And now he is living it to the full. Read more at pura vida

Argentina

I really loved the feeling of the people and the culture of the city of Buenos Aires. I went to my first soccer/futbol match and loved it. So far it wins the award for my favorite city of the World Race. Read more at Boca es mi passion

Peru

Hey everybody! We all arrived really early this morning in Lima, Peru. We got off the bus after mucho hours of travel and there were a ton of people from the church waiting to welcome us and give us giant hugs. It was so precious. I was super tired but felt touched by the love of the people. Read more at I'm in Peru!

South Africa

Our last night in Africa was spent enjoying the native flora and fauna of the land. Our kruger Safari a few weeks ago satisfied our appetite for watching the lions sleep, hearing the baboons howl, smelling the elephant dung and even touching baby snakes... Read more at "Chow Down" - Adios Africa!

Mozambique

The time we have spent in Africa has been amazing. God is so good, and I am so thankful for this adventure he is taking me on… I think we all know that Africa is in need, but to come here and see it makes me want to do all I can to help them. I want to encourage the body of Christ to come to Africa or to look at Africa and ask God what you can do. I want to encourage the body of Christ to come to Africa or to look at Africa and ask God what you can do. Read more at Consuming Fire in Mozambique

Swaziland

Here we were 3 women in the middle of the bush in Swaziland, in a place that has hardly seen foreign missionaries, showing them that God sees them and knows them and loves them... And people asked for prayer for happiness, for people in their family to stop dying, for healing for family members dying of AIDS, for children that had run away, for their babies to stop being sick, for children that were psychotic, the list continues. Read more at In the land of Swazi

Botswana

We arrived in Maun, Botswana last week. Yes...it is right in the middle of the desert. This is actually the Africa I was waiting to experience. Even desiring this experience, I am getting a glimpse into why the Israelites were so frustrated with wandering around the desert for 40 years. Read more at Life In The Desert

Thailand

I have not been able to sleep much since we have arrived in Thailand. It is right here. My mind and heart has been caught up with ‘the girls'. It is happening all around you. I can hear their cries in my spirit. Look around and see it. The oppressive spirit is sinking into my bones. Though not outwardly visible, it is here. Do not be tricked. My being cannot rest... Read more at Bangkok

China

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. That was my exact prayer today because the desires of my heart were for the Lord to touch this little boys life in ways that he couldn't comprehend. I had just come from the internet and decided to chat with Sarah outside our room when the head monk asked us if we would like to join him for a ritual. We were a little perplexed but gladly agreed. Read more at From Boy to Monk

Are you interested? Click here for a quick app!

2007-10-16T19:44:00.000-05:00

I Turned Down Jesus

There are a lot of days that I eat my own words, that what I write and what I say comes back to haunt me. I talk about living lives of love, about being Jesus’ hands and feet to the world around me, basically I paint myself and some others as ‘super-christians’ that purposively proclaim our brokenness in an attempt to make ourselves appear more holy than what we really are. We serve the poor, crawl in the ditches, sell what we own, and will go anywhere and do anything for Jesus.

But I don’t.

I am full of some really good stories and they’re all true – don’t get me wrong. Unfortunately I think they’re stories that shed light on a more positive side of my existence. I want to be honest with all of you about myself. There are plenty of days that I don’t give up my coat. I turn the other direction and run. I choose disobedience to what God is calling me to do instead of embracing the love that has wrecked my life – love I shouldn’t resist others.

Long story short: I turned down Jesus. This happened the evening after I posted a blog calling out lazy Christians. I subconsciously lived out my fear of becoming what I’m most afraid of.

A friend and I pulled into a parking lot in downtown Wichita. As we were pulling in I noticed a homeless guy walking around the parking lot. I told her, “I bet this guy is going to harass us for money.” I seriously couldn’t believe the words that came out of my mouth, but they expressed the true condition of my heart. We parked and the homeless man walked over to my side of the car and started talking to me before I even opened the door. I didn’t feel like loving anybody.

As I stepped out of the car he threw his arms around me and said, “give me a hug in the name of Jesus!” I gave him a hug. Honestly looking back on this I can say it’s the most sincere hug I’ve ever received from a stranger. I thought he would grope me and try to feel my pockets for money, but he didn’t. He let go and explained to me that he needed some money for a place to stay. The whole time he was explaining his condition, I was trying to figure out what he was strung out on – it was obviously something.

I told him that I didn’t have cash – a blatant lie. I had $15 in my back pocket and three cents in my front pocket. I always tell guys when I have money, I just tell them, “I don’t give out cash.” I’ll buy them what they need. He pleaded with me for money, to stop by an ATM. My heart grew cold. I thrusted the 3 cents into his hand and started naming off shelters. I worked at a homeless shelter and have homeless friends – I knew all the spots in town. I grew bitter. I got really frustrated with him and sent him to the Salvation Army. It was only a few blocks away.

Normally, I would have walked with this guy but I chose not to. I would have walked around with him until he found a place but I chose not to. I truly believe I turned down Jesus. And why did I not do this? Honestly – I was tired. I had a bad day. I didn’t feel like ‘working’ for love. It would’ve taken everything I had in me. No thank you Jesus.

Then he disappeared into the night air. This guy – maybe an angel – went away without shelter, without money for food, without Jesus having held his hand. I just gave him a hug and resented every minute of it.

I only write this to prove one thing: I’m not who you probably think I am. I still have a lot of growing to do. I have a lot of learning left in life. I’m not a superhero or an amazing Jesus-lover. I’m just like you. I’m broken. I’m fallen. I fail everyday. But it makes me think of this, “no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Heb. 12.11).

Failure stinks and reeks a horrible odor, but only if we let it. We choose what we gain from our mistakes. Mine sucks because, well, I turned down a man who I haven’t seen since. The Jesus screaming for some love from this man – I told him to ‘get’. How lame.

2007-10-15T14:51:00.000-05:00

This I Believe - Grace

We were asked to write an essay called "This I Believe" about what really matters to us, as preparation for this world missions adventure called the World Race. This is what I believe...

I was sitting there minding my own business, reading my Bible, journaling, and trying to radiate what appeared to be holiness. I have come to realize that coffee shops are probably the worst place to try to create an image of yourself that you're not. The people that hang out at these places are so real and broken that they can see past the masks. And sometimes I think they grasp parts of living that are still foreign to me - that I'm still trying to understand myself.

There's this guy that frequents the coffee shop I constantly choose to perch myself ‘righteously' inside. He looks rather poor and less fortunate than myself. He is also very eccentric and has an animated personality. This man always carries his guitar around and when he sits at the community computer to get on the internet, he hunches over the keyboard in a way that's almost like he's guarding it, like someone's going to snatch the only possession he has away from him. I usually just stare at him and judge - but only when I'm feeling righteous.

It was interesting to watch him today though. He walked in, set his stuff down, and went up to the counter to order what I assumed would inevitably be ‘just a coffee'. Then the unexpected happened. The two baristas working said, "Morning! We have a surprise for you today."

"Oh?" he inquired.

"Yep. Here you go, enjoy!" They handed him one of the coffee shops' fanciest mugs brimming full of coffee, but with just enough room that he could doctor it up - apparently he doesn't like it black. The girls showed him how it worked, what all the fancy caps were for and such. He couldn't contain himself. This guy was so excited!

The horrible thing? I didn't expect this from these two girls. I would have expected Norah Jones to sing me to sleep before these girls just gave something away. They're very gossipy. They talk about customers - about things they don't like. They've never indicated to me that they love Jesus.

But they blind-sided this guy with grace.

Not only did they blind-side him, they knocked me off my feet. Those two girls gave that guy something he didn't deserve. They showed him love when he had never shown it to them. Why would they do that? Because they've received the same love before from someone else - and they wanted to share it with him.

It made me realize the good that resides in us all regardless of who we are. It made me realize what I'm capable of and the grace and love that is so much larger than what I can imagine. It transcends even my most selfish motives and thoughts - my self-ascribed ‘righteousness'. My friend Brenna says it best, "the amazing thing about grace is its comparison to the sky. Completely vast and seemingly tangible but when it is reached for we're somehow surprised that it is too big. And so we stand under it and marvel at all the ways it chooses to inspire us."

This I Believe.

2007-10-14T00:09:00.000-05:00

Change of Place

I figured I should probably make a post that beginning on Monday my web address for this blog is going to change. It will no longer be 'prayerguy23.blogspot.com'. It will be...

matthewsnyder.blogspot.com

I realize a lot of people are probably saddened by this, but take heart! Jesus has overcome the world!

**mad props to Joshua Luper for snapping this photo using my super-sweet camera...

2007-10-03T04:44:00.001-05:00

For the Love of God...

This is kind of like an open letter to a lot of Christians out there who will be offended by reading this. If you're not offended, this wasn't meant for you. If you stand up and shout "AMEN!" then I congratulate you. Stop shouting and go love on somebody. If you read this and your initial reaction is "I HATE YOU MATT SNYDER" and you then attempt to email me a letter explaining all your frustrations with this post, I will read it. I will listen to you. And then I will do my best to love you in a way that might usher you into the arms of Jesus... and then I'll stick all my other loving friends on you and leave you without option to be loved by God. You'll be so overwhelmed you won't know what you hit you. It will be like... like... well, just read...

There are things that are a lot bigger than me. Bigger than my imagination. Bigger than my heart or the courage that it takes to muster up the strength to stand. And I'm not ever sure what those things are. They're beyond me. They're beyond what I can dream or what I even desire to dream. It's these things that captivate my attention, that imprison my thoughts and steal moments from my days - chances at life from my life, itself.

I can't help but think about the love of God. It's beyond me. It's bigger than me, than my imagination. Thank goodness that it's bigger than my own heart. I just read a book a few hours ago that attempted to break apart the love of God into understandable chunks. They were very uneven chunks, yet I didn't even realize that the love of God was so easy to compartmentalize. If I had known that I would have written about it years ago in attempt to work off my unnecessary college loan. I would have been top of my class. I could have taught classes for that matter. My wisdom would have easily outweighed my professors'. They probably would have wanted to take me out for coffee or buy me dinner. Shoot, I could have signed autographs.

Too bad that didn't happen. But it's probably a good thing because I already wrestle enough with pride - in thinking that I'm better than you.

I'll quote this guy, "Today most people seem to have little difficulty believing in the love of God; they have far more difficulty believing in the justice of God, the wrath of God, and the noncontradictory truthfulness of an omniscent God." And he asks, "How is God's love tied to God's justice?" He basically explores, although not too much, as to why there seems to be a chasm between God's love and God's justice. He briefly mentions that some people don't believe in the love of God because of the lack of God's justice in the world (my very loose paraphrase of what he says in a lot of words). Hm. I wonder why this could be?

Could it be because of lazy Christians?

It enrages me the amount of "Christians" who go around proclaiming the love of God while they continuously walk by those that need to experience God's love the most. The moment that the love of God demands something from them, they choose to create a doctrine or new theology around why they don't act, why they can't find it in themselves to move at the impulse of love. And really all they're doing is creating a bunch of excuses.

It breaks my heart that I know a lot of these said "Christians". Maybe it's that my patience has run out with putting up with their nonsense 'love' or maybe it's that I'm pointing fingers in order to mask a fear that I have of becoming what I hate the most. D.A. Carson says, "Christian faithfulness entails our responsibility to grow in our grasp of what it means to confess that God is love." And yes, I think it's important that we understand God's love, however, I don't think it's something that we, as humans, have the ability to 'grasp' objectively.

I would have never understood God's love if I had never experienced it. I would never have experienced it had someone not been willing to become a vessel of God's love, to become His hands and feet, Love that I could touch and feel - that I could put a face to. And that person wouldn't have been able to do that had they not been obedient to Love, Itself.

I think people are afraid to admit that God might actually use them to show His love to another fellow human being. Why afraid? Because it actually asks something of us. It calls us out of our selfishness, out of our own little bubbles, and into something bigger and greater that God is doing. It's beyond us, beyond what we can imagine or even begin to fathom. Because it's Life calling our life. It's Love pleading for love.

There's a reason God asks us to love others. Why don't we? Might it actually change not only someone else's life, but ours as well? Might it actually usher God's justice into the world's vision? The possibility of God's love is endless. It creates. It sustains. It transforms.

So for Jesus' sake, be obedient to Love for the purpose to love... and stop creating excuses. It's really beginning to piss me and all the other people who desire to experience God's love off.

**And I should mention that I have nothing against D.A. Carson. I love the guy. He's brilliant. Go read his stuff. I just think it's too easy for us to limit not only our faith, but God's love to the pages of a book (that includes the Bible). There comes a point where we're called to take the stuff off of paper and implement it into our lives, folks. The love of God wasn't something that was just meant to be stared at on a dead tree (no pun intended...)

2007-10-02T18:09:00.000-05:00

Slap God in the Face!

ask me how.

don't worry, there's more to come...

2007-09-29T10:57:00.000-05:00

"Love your enemies."

That's a high calling. It's definitely not something that I would choose to do by instinct. If I followed my instinct, I would probably want to continuously punch my enemies in the face. I'm not going to lie. I know, I know... that's not something Jesus would do. Too bad we're talking about what I want to do... not Jesus. My will is a lot more important than Jesus', right?

And maybe that's my problem. Maybe when I need to be like Jesus the most are the times that I would much rather be like me - the incomplete me that is, the one who is without or once in awhile denies the calling of Jesus. I'm pretty good at rejecting the desire to yearn for the Spirit's direction at times. The funny and humbling thing is: I know when I do it, when I reject that thirst.

I don't want to follow Jesus when things sometimes get too tough. I mean, love my enemies? Really? That's hard. It's like trying to keep me from eating ice cream... only a lot harder than that. I think that people sugarcoat it though or dramatize it, making love seem easier or less significant than what it really is. Loving God is not for pushovers. It's a distinctly high calling that's incredibly hard to embrace. Loving God, which essentially means loving your enemies as well, is for 'bad-asses'. I can't believe I just wrote that, but in my culture it makes the concept of loving God easier to understand... and probably cooler because I used a cussword.

Back to loving my enemies...

What does that even look like?

"Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12.29-31).

Dang that sucks. I think that it's important to note that we must love God before we love our enemies (a.k.a. our neighbor). Wait? What the -?! How dare I compare our enemies and neighbors! What was I thinking? What's wrong with me?! I mean to say that they're one in the same? Aren't my neighbors the ones who are for me and my enemies are the ones who are against me?

No.

First of all - loving God is not for the faint at heart, as I've said. I'm to love God with absolutely everything that I've got. When I love him with my heart, I surrender all my passions to Him. When I love Him with all my soul, I sacrifice all that makes me 'me' to Him. When I love Him with all my mind, I give away all my dreams to Him. And when I love Him with all my strength, I forgo all of my own efforts to His service and to His will. Loving my God requires ALL of me - to the very last ounce of who I am. It's more than obedience because love that demands this much asks for more than that. It asks for life where the return is better life itself.

And this same God turns around and asks us to also love our neighbor? Our enemies? Christianity is for REAL men (or women, don't worry ladies, I know you read this...)

We have this idea that anybody who is against us is our enemy. In some cases, I think this is the truth, especially in football or any other sport where the opposing team is trying to defeat you and your ugly face. I don't have a lot of respect for sports because marching band was never considered one (even though it was on ESPN the other day). That's kind of a sore spot with me. Marching band takes more out of a person than getting caught in a stampede of eleven 250lb. jocks. Then again, I've never been caught in a stampede of eleven 'cattle'...

But truly, I think that it's important for us to not draw a line between us and our neighbor. It's damaging to the love we're able to pour forth if we view everybody as our enemies. And I think as human beings it's easy for us to selfishly view someone as an enemy if they offend us, if they do something 'human' to us. It's almost like we have no tolerance for it anymore or something and we want to inadvertently shut them down - so we treat them like jocks treat the chess club. It's just not cool! And it really takes away from your manliness (or woman-ness...). When are we going to start actually loving people without regard to their human characteristics?

I think Christians in America, and probably in the world at large, are pretty good at creating enemies. That's right. Christians create enemies... because sometimes Christians suck at love.

And I'll humbly admit: I'm a Christian that sucks at love.

2007-09-25T19:22:00.000-05:00

Church Attendance

Please take this for what it is... sarcasm.

www.thechurchyouknow.com

2007-09-24T14:37:00.001-05:00

the lovely Brenna Powers, has spoken...

Yep. Go check out her blog - all the way from Africa! This girl is something else...

*she also called me and said that it's like everybody's waiting for something to happen in Africa, like they're just sitting around and... waiting. I found that interesting.

But really, go leave her some love - even if you don't know her. And Jami, keep it clean... ;)

2007-09-24T02:00:00.000-05:00

proving faith?

I want to serve God more passionately than what I already do. I've noticed that the more I serve in one area, the deeper I must go inside of it. Take what happened at church for example.

I was able to talk with Grant* today. The thing to remember about Grant - despite the fact that he's 'crazy' - is that he's a faithful member of Church on the Street and he's Muslim. He says he doesn't come because he's homeless - he's not. He doesn't come for the free meal - though admittedly it's good. And he doesn't come out of boredom. No, Grant comes because of the people there, because of the environment. It's something he's never encountered before. (The bad part is that this paragraph does no justice in describing anything about this guy.)

Regardless, we were able to have a deep conversation about our religions. It was in that moment that I realized how scared I am of deep theological conversations with nonbelievers. I'll sit down and hammer things out with other believers because we all believe the other person is wrong anyway. But with nonbelievers it's different. It's almost because I feel there's something on the line, not just their salvation... but my dignity. Like if I can't answer every question then I look like a complete fool - and not just me, but my whole belief system.

Maybe I know my problem.

I was really challenged by Church on the Street for the longest time because just stepping out and talking to complete strangers was hard enough for me. Now I'm being challenged to go deeper with them than just surface level. And maybe I'm afraid of leading them down the wrong path or worst yet, I'm afraid of being wrong.

But all this is probably because I'm approaching these conversations the wrong way in the first place. I don't need to prove anything about my faith that I already know is true. If I do, then it's because I don't already believe it myself. I need to stop looking at these people, such as Grant, as someone that I need to prove my faith to or that I get to save. These are people searching for the truth and I get the opportunity to guide them towards that - towards Jesus (the one who REALLY does the saving).

Truly, until I do this, I doubt that I will personally see someone come to Christ (yes, I'll admit that in the last 4+ years I've spent in ministry, I've never led anyone to Christ). I need to get over myself, my fears, and embrace all of what I know to be true and let it change me because at this point, I have nothing to prove.

*names have been changed

2007-09-22T22:41:00.001-05:00

fear

I'm afraid to start new. I know that sounds completely ridiculous but it couldn't be closer to the truth that I've found myself running from in the last 24 hours. You might be thinking: Matt, what could you possibly be talking about? Relationships? Faith? No. I'm not talking about any of that.

Sometimes I fear change. I've found it a challenge that I've had to deal with in the last week, but that's not the change that's really causing me problems right now. The change I'm talking about it my new journal.

I'm afraid to bloody its pages with my life, with my endless droning and amusing attempts at writing, with my stories and my history, with everything I've tried to be and failed to become. So I've gone an entire day - up to this point - without writing in my journal. The pages have been left unscathed, though the pockets are packed with photos, letters, and memories of friends who've gone away for some time. Maybe I need to find a way to turn those photos, letters, and memories into words all my own, words that I can write into a legacy on paper.

I'm not sure. I just know that at this point, I fear a little dirt.

2007-09-21T17:10:00.000-05:00

When Sacrifice Hurts

My friend Jimmy McCarty is on the World Race currently ministering in Cambodia. His post on sacrifice really hit home with me. Read it. Enjoy it. It's beautifully painful.

"I will not sacrifice to the Lord that which costs me nothing." (2 Samuel 24:24) David refused to insult his God with an offering that did not infringe on his comfort. The widow's mite was viewed as more valuable and more worthy to be acknowledged than the wealthy contributions of the elite. The rich young ruler went away sad when the price of inheriting eternal life required selling everything he had.

These stories haunt me not because scripture is implying wealth is sinful or that gifts should be distained - but because Jesus saw the heart of the matter: idolatry. Idols are not merely sculpted figures representing some demonic substitute for the one, true God. Idols are a matter of the heart - a devotion to something other than who God is.

In March, I walked down the beaches of Lake Nicaragua with a friend and had the discussion of what truly loving God meant. On one perspective, loving God and loving others are incredibly simplistic commands! We've complicated them into programs and committees when the devotion to God alone is all that is needed. However, from my perspective, in that brief moment I understood what had haunted me for so long: loving God was truly the hardest thing God has ever asked of me.

To love God with all my mind means that no thought, no daydream, no object, no idea, no logic - nothing distracts me from my one and only motivation of loving God with the entirety of my mind. To love God with my heart means that every emotion, every ounce of ego, every sense I perceive is directed wholly on who God is and desires to glorify Him. To love God with all my strength means every effort I make, every place I go, every action I initiate (or refrain from initiating) is ultimately to the glorification of God the Father.

I've said recently that God doesn't always want the things that are easy to give up. For example, I couldn't care less about what car I drive. The only purpose for owning a vehicle is to get me from point A to point B, cosmetics, power, color - none of it matters to me at all. However, I love people. I desperately desire the closeness of friends and love ministry and service to others. In the last several months, God's asked it of me. Am I willing to face loneliness? Am I willing to serve in obscurity or in the background? Am I willing to surrender that which is most important to me to follow Christ above all?

A hot topic of discussion between World Racers has been of Abraham and Isaac. In the Biblical narrative, Isaac not only represented a future for Abraham and Sarah, he was the promise of a legacy. He was the redemption of God's people, he was, by all accounts and purposes, a good thing.

It's the most frustrating of all when God asks for the good things. Why would he ask me to relinquish a ministry I love? Why would he ask me to remain single when I so desire to get married? Why would he take me around the world and leave the comforts of home? All innately good things - yet ones God is requesting me to relinquish.

You see, David had it right. In 2 Samuel 24:24 David comments how he refuses to sacrifice something to the Lord that costs him nothing. It's not the act of sacrifice that's important, it is the statement, the accountability that nothing stands in the way of my devotion to Christ. God Himself says that he doesn't delight in burnt offerings but a broken and contrite heart.

He wants me. He wants my devotion, my commitment.

We worry so much about protecting the things that are important to us. We surrender all until it hurts. We've stopped asking things of God because of what it might cost us. Brokenness is a noble prayer to pray until God answers it. Dependence on God, trust in Him - all good things, until He truly puts us in a position of desperation - then we react.

Abraham's sacrifice was complete, it was a surrender even of the best he had. Isaac was even a promise from God - something especially given, an answer to prayer. Yet, God asked for it back. Abraham was obedient with no hope of redemption. He wasn't entitled to a legacy, to a relationship with his son, to a gift from God, to a promise fulfilled. He didn't deserve to have what he had been given, he didn't deserve the miracle or the grace. He had no right to receive what he did, he had no merit that earned him what he was given. God didn't ask for his camels or his offerings or his livelihood - he asked for that which was most important. The sacrifice itself wasn't what was important, God wanted Abraham - and he got him.

If this is true discipleship: to deny ourselves and take up our cross to follow Christ. If we are to follow Christ's example of making ourselves nothing. If we truly want to live a life devoted to Christ, it's time to live open-handed. God's not calling all of us to poverty - but if He did, would you give everything up? God's not calling us to rags - but if He did, would you follow Him there? God's not calling all of us to the slums of Cambodia or the Philippines, but if He did, would you go? God's not calling all of us to singleness, but if He did, would you give the hope of marriage up? God's not stripping us of all the blessings He's given, not taking back the promises He's made, but if He did, would you respond in anger or trust?

Obedience is not just for the adventurous at heart. Just because I gave up a year of my life to travel the world doesn't make me more obedient or more faith-filled. Truthfully, my faith is tested more here, my dependence on the Lord is under greater scrutiny. God has asked more of me than He usually does at home. I'm called to love God with the entirety of my being. Am I ready?

2007-09-20T02:28:00.000-05:00

[a load of bull]

it seems like there’s no end to this:
you tearing down to build up;
a bigger wall of I’m-rights and your-wrongs.
stop viewing others like innocents
that need taught the realities of life.
they know more about living than you’ll ever know
trapped in your philosophical fizz.

2007-09-15T01:35:00.000-05:00

This isn't goodbye...

I'm going to miss Brenna.
A lot.

"You are my fire..." :)

2007-09-13T01:58:00.000-05:00

Sometimes others have better words than me. Hence these brilliant thoughts of Seth Barnes appearing on my blog...

How God Guides Us: The Bicycle Principle

A blog reader recently wrote this comment "What happens when God is NOT leading for a Season and you choose a path... NOT knowing if He would choose that for you?" Here was my response:

Bicycles can only be steered once they are rolling forward. A stationary bike doesn't need guidance. So it is between God and us. He wants to guide us, but to do so, we need to be in motion, about His business - touching people on His behalf.

We see God state this as a covenantal proposition in Isaiah 58. The task is to demonstrate to the poor, the hungry, and the oppressed that God cares about them.

God doesn't say, "If you'll do just the basics and look out for your own needs, then I'll guide you." He says, "If you'll spend yourself in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed...then the Lord will guide you always."(Is. 58:10-11)

Why will He guide us? For one thing, we will need His guidance. Ministering to the down and out is hard work.

There are so many; how do we know which to target or how to go about identifying and meeting their needs? We need His guidance.

Over and over the pattern is repeated: God gives His people an assignment for which they are inadequate, then provides what they need. The message: "Go and rescue my people and I will guide you and protect you."

God cares about people and wants to touch them. Jesus' heart burst with compassion when he surveyed the teaming crowds and needy people who seemed like sheep without a shepherd.

But God's plan for demonstrating His compassion has always been a man. He has chosen to work through us "as though God were making His appeal through us" (2 Cor. 5:20).

2007-09-10T00:49:00.000-05:00

untitled[2]

I had this whole poem written before and even posted part of it but I felt the need to post the rest of it. I decided I liked it.

there's an inward romance
between these words I sing;
one that you've yet to hear,
but you already know the melody by heart.
the simplicity of our song has been lost,
complicated by what you add;
drowning our harmony with noise
in an attempt to wash away what's true.

the day our song's stripped bare
is drawing nearer each night.
eagerly I wait for the sun to rise,
for your smile to provoke my heart to sing;
and arm in arm in the morning light
we dance to this melody.

your eyes glisten
with the reflection of my love;
love I've only confessed
to our God dwelling in our hearts.
and though He hears me,
you see me,
and together we live this love
into a dance.

2007-08-29T18:15:00.000-05:00

pushing away

pushing away what once was
for something more new
surprising, less filling.
the words you wrote
now fade into eternity,
yet, caught on this heart
holding onto what you
definitely don't want.
you've pushed me away.
your wish is fulfilled.
what remains is a shattered heart
and a place where dignity once stood.

2007-08-26T11:41:00.001-05:00

Saying what I can't

The words of others that speak to my condition...

"What great gravity is this that drew my soul toward yours? What great force, that though I went falsely, went kicking, went disguising myself to earn your love, also disguised, to earn your keeping, your resting, your staying, your will fleshed into mine, rasped by a slowly revealed truth, the barter of my soul, the soul that I fear, the soul that I loathe, the soul that: if you will love, I will love. I will redeem you, if you will redeem me? Is this our purpose, you and I together to pacify each other, to lead each other toward the lie that we are good, that we are noble, that we need not redemption, save the one that you and I invented of our own clay?

I am not scared of you, my love, I am scared of me.

I went looking, I wrote out a list, I drew an image, I bled a poem of you. You were pretty, and my friends believed I was worthy of you. You were clever, but I was smarter, perhaps the only one smarter, the only one able to lead you. You see, love, I did not love you, I loved me. And you were only a tool that I used to fix myself, to fool myself, to redeem myself. And though I have taught you to lay your lily hand in mine, I walk alone, for I cannot talk to you, lest you talk it back to me, lest I believe that I am not worthy, not deserving, not redeemed.

I want desperately for you to be my friend. But you are not my friend; you have slid up warmly to the man I wanted to be, the man I pretended to be, and I was your Jesus and, you were mine. Should I show you who I am, we may crumble. I am not scared of you, my love, I am scared of me.

I want to be known and loved anyway. Can you do this? I trust by your easy breathing that you are human like me, that you are fallen like me, that you are lonely, like me. My love, do I know you? What is this great gravity that pulls us so painfully toward each other? Why do we not connect? Will we be forever in fleshing this out? And how will we with words, narrow words, come into the knowing of each other? Is this God's way of meriting grace, of teaching us of the labyrinth of His love for us, teaching us, in degrees, that which He is sacrificing to join ourselves to Him? Or better yet, has He formed our being fractional so that we might conclude one great hope, plodding and sighing and breathing into one another in such a great push that we might break through into the known and being loved, only to cave into a greater perdition and fall down at His throne still begging for our acceptance? Begging for our completion?

We were fools to believe that we could redeem each other.

Were I some sleeping Adam, to wake and find you resting at my rib, to share these things that God has done, to walk you through the garden, to counsel your timid steps, your bewildered eye, your heart so slow to love, so careful to love, so sheepish that I stepped up my aim and became a man. Is this what God intended? That though He made you from my rib, it is you who is making me, humbling me, destroying me, and in so doing revealing Him?

Will we be in ashes before we are one?

What great gravity is this that drew my heart toward yours? What great force collapsed my orbit, my lonesome state? What is this that wants in me the want in you? Don't we go at each other with yielded eyes, with cumbered hands and feet, with clunky tongues? This deed is unattainable! We cannot know each other!

I am quitting this thing, but not what you think. I am not going away.

I will give you this, my love, and I will not bargain or barter any longer. I will love you, as sure as He has loved me. I will discover what I can discover and though you remain a mystery, save God's own knowledge, what I disclose of you I will keep in the warmest chamber of my heart, the very chamber where God has stowed Himself in me. And I will do this to my death, and to death it may bring me.

I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. I will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, trading for your love, gaming for your love. I will simply love. I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again. I suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before I am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.

God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love,, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us."

2007-08-24T06:33:00.000-05:00

the learning curve

I felt like I've learned a lot while working here at the shelter. I know that working third shift probably isn't ideal but it gives you tons of time to sit and think about stuff, to write, and to read. I just wish that I took more advantage of it sometimes. I have the perfect opportunity for growth and I choose to stunt it on a daily basis. I think I'm good at that because I'm human; because I ultimately am capable of destroying any hope at what's best for me. It's a trend I've noticed about myself. There's a trend... or a flow to what goes on here at the shelter too.

It starts about 3:00am when I realize that everyone's asleep but me. This is a tough revelation to deal with because it's about an hour after this that I remember we were made to sleep at night, not to work. It's like my body automatically shuts down about 4:00. Seriously. I've never had this kind of experience on a repeated basis. The only thing I can compare it to is a heroin addict who's trying to get clean and really wants to take a hit. Only I'm a sleep addict who's intentionally depriving himself of his addiction all in the name of I-need-to-pay-the-bills.

And it's about 4:13 in the morning after undergoing the initial depravity-attack that I begin to really desire signs of human life. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm a zombie, a walking corpse without any signs of actual life. I know that when I look through the glass in front of my face that second shift cleaned, I can see my reflection. I almost don't recognize myself with my mouth gaping open and the dried crusty drool caught up in my beard. There's a first-time reaction to this is as well. It usually involves a blank stare and a sudden gasp - an attempt to wake up and breath life back into my manic state.

At 4:30 on the button I decide that I need to get up and walk around. This is a sure-fire way to stretch the energetic athlete dying to get out of my body. It lasts until 4:32 when I'm back by the kitchen and I once again become a walking corpse. I'll typically make my way back to the desk where I sit and try to figure out what I'm going to do. I've gotten into the habit of watching an episode or two of Friends. I have no social life, it seems, so I live it vicariously through fictional television characters. I'm happy to report that I have six friends. They're not a bad substitute for actual human interaction. I sometimes talk to the computer screen. I laugh with them. I cry for me on my behalf.

About 5:45 I like to step outside and take in the morning air. There's something about seeing how everything comes to life in the morning that captivates me. It's dark and rainy this morning, but it's cool to see the sky blossom into dawn, like a seed gently pushing itself out the dirt, it's merely making the way for something beautiful to happen. So I sit on the step out front and eagerly wait to see what's going to happen later in the day because it's got to be beautiful. Like a flower. It's times like these that I feel like a hippie but wait impatiently for life to get a move-on so I can see what's in store.

After stepping back inside my peace is disturbed by a screaming child of a few years. It's okay though. This happens every morning just a smidge after 6:00. He's like an alarm clock, a rooster that's capable of waking everybody up at the same time each morning. I'm actually starting to depend on this kid to kick me in the pants each morning. When he finally leaves the shelter, I'll have to ask one of the teenagers to scream for me. But that just might cause more problems than it's worth.

Around 6:23 the phone starts ringing more repeatedly. It's nothing important. It's usually nobody, well, obviously it's somebody calling, but the phone call has not much importance. Unless it's my boss. That happened yesterday. She told me to get off the phone and go clean. But it's usually around this time that one of the clients comes out of his room to go get coffee and beg for the newspaper that hasn't even come yet. I tell him he can go look for it, which he sometimes does, but it's never there until 1st shift magically brings it in with them. Maybe they buy it...

By 6:56 everyone's pretty much up. I mean everyone... unless they're a married couple because they skip breakfast. Everyone else is sure to be at breakfast though. 7:00. They go get their grub on. It's nice though. This is the best part of the morning. I hated it before. I hate mornings when I first get up anyway. If I woke up with a gun in my hand and you smiled at me I would probably use it against you. Your smile, not the gun. What are you thinking?! Really though, it's just nice to see real people after 4:00am that aren't trapped inside my computer screen.

There's joy in working here though. There's an amazing privilege in getting to see life blossom every morning in these halls. It's like God's creation's stepped inside these walls for even just a few hours, a few moments, and I'm caught up in His grace. The screaming child, morning smiles, and the smell of coffee bring a person into something. Sometimes it's beyond description. Beyond words. Every morning, it's beyond me.

2007-08-22T01:59:00.000-05:00

C.S. Lewis

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
I talk of love - a scholar's parrot may talk Greek -
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

2007-08-21T00:02:00.000-05:00

The Kingdom [in class notes]

I think that I might have posted this before, but I ran across it and thought that I would share. It's basically notes from class about 3-4 years ago. Interesting how I forgot about it and it came back to me...

The Gospel of Jesus isn’t something that is easily explained, it’s more of something that is witnessed. When Jesus was on Earth, he preached about the Kingdom of God. He said, “Repent, for the Kingdom of God is near.” However, in our day and age, that isn’t what we hear preached in the church. Unfortunately, we hear that Jesus only came to forgive us of our sins or that Jesus was only a great moral teacher. But that wasn’t the case because Jesus was more than just a great moral teacher; he was the Savior of the world. He didn’t just come to teach us about grace, forgiveness, mercy, and show us how we should live our life. He made something that appeared to be completely unattainable within our reach. Jesus was a stud in my opinion. He was God incarnate. That is something that man is unable to do.

The Good News that Jesus proclaimed was the availability of the Kingdom of God; something that is seldom heard of in the church today.

The Kingdom of God is the effective range of God’s power. God, being the Creator and sustainer of life, has rule over the entire Earth and creation. However, the only place that God’s power is limited is within the confines of the human heart. God cannot force us to love him.

Who

The Kingdom of God is God’s Kingdom, simply put. It is the effective range of his power. Jesus preached the availability of the Kingdom of God. It is available to everyone, whether Jew, Greek, prostitute, tax collector, beggar, Pharisee, Priest, etc.

What

The Kingdom of God is God’s Kingdom. It is the effective range of God’s power. The only place that the Kingdom is limited is within the boundaries of the human heart. It is where God rules and reigns, also known as the Kingdom of Heaven. Man had turned what he wanted the Kingdom to be into his own image, blinding all followers to the truth. The system that was in place for the Kingdom of God on Earth was not what God desired, which is why the Kingdom that Jesus preached was rejected. He manifested the Kingdom through the disciples.

Where

“The Kingdom of God is near” is a phrase that Jesus constantly repeated over and over. In some translations it reads that the “Kingdom of God is here.” The Kingdom of God is first seen at the beginning of Creation in the Garden of Eden. The relationship that God had with Adam and Eve was the Kingdom of God, but after the fall, it is also the reason why Jesus returned, to restore that relationship.

When

The Kingdom of God is here.

Why

Why the Kingdom of God?

It had fallen into religious and ethnic captivity.

What are the two Gospels that are most commonly preached in the church today?

The Gospel of the Left views Jesus as a teacher on how to love one another. It appeals to people who think that humans are pretty good. The Gospel on the Right preaches mainly on the forgiveness of sins. It knows that the problem with humanity is sin. However, the problem with these two Gospels is that they’re only half of the message. When a particular church leans only on one of these two Gospels, it is missing what Jesus was really preaching. But preaching only the Gospel of the Left and the Gospel of the Right, growth is stifled within a religious community. It wipes out any chances of spiritual growth, mainly because an individual begins focusing on either their sinfulness, and that becomes their only focus, or that they undermine Jesus and his work on the cross by thinking that his blood wasn’t necessary, but his lessons on life were. The big issue is that the church wouldn’t be trusting Jesus with its life.

How could we go about changing what we do?

We could start shifting the message and start preaching an available “with God” life and show them how to live that life.

What is Grace and how does an individual grow in that Grace?

Grace is God’s action in our life. I can grow in that grace through several different means, such as the spiritual disciplines. However, growing in grace only works within the Kingdom of God. If one tries to practice disciplines outside the Kingdom, it turns into legalism and buries people.

2007-08-13T18:11:00.000-05:00

untitled

2007-08-11T13:55:00.000-05:00

Dear God #2

I'm tired of this constant,
this feeling of defeat
resonating in the hallows
of my being that You
have stripped bare.
Who knew that nothing
inside of nothing
could manifest such pain,
such sorrow?
A pain and a sorrow that feels
shameful to have
because of my apparent
lack of faith -
or the display of the waning
root that's left?
When will You let Your hand up on
hearts and let them grow?
Let them finally grow
around each other as we stretch
and reach higher
and higher
towards You with the others'
support?
Wait
if it's Your desire,
but a small sign or
inkling of hope and encouragement
would be a welcomed
stranger of nourishment
to this weakening root being tromped
under these feet that oppose me,
these feet of those I consider closest
to the void beckoning
its darkness inside.
But I feel oh so alone
on this vacant battlefield
soaked in my blood,
littered with the empty threats
of my oppressors,
the ones that this sword I am
wielding didn't even lift its
edge to slaughter.
It was my fight that
You stripped from me.
My epic that You've
taken authorship of.
Strangely, in this
holy obedience
I desire to submit.
I give in because I can't water myself
when I'm buried under the earth
covered by the blanket of
those that oppress.

2007-08-09T17:45:00.001-05:00

7:51pm

There's so much that I'm starting to question now, especially about myself and why I even believe what I believe. It's like I'm still going through the process where I'm making my faith my own and not my friends' adaptations of it or some obscene ideas of it. I want to make faith something deeper for me, something much more real; because I just know that's what it is. I almost feel that I have the desire sometimes to jump on a spiritual-bandwagon that's become so popular, but I also know that that's not what I'm doing at all. I felt a conviction deep-down inside and I've tried my hardest to not stray from that conviction.

What was the conviction?

Just that the way faith has developed in my life has been very religious, like there's steps involved before we're allowed to go deeper. We've become so clean on the outside that it covers what's really going on on the inside. Christians in America, especially, have become more and more like pharisees that don't know how to do dishes. And frankly, I've grown really sick and tired of it. I don't want a part of it anymore.

I've been really overcome by this idea of chasing after Jesus and latching onto what he's doing here. Church, where I've grown to know it, is really detached from that. My conviction has been to take the words of Christ literally, to heart, and to allow them to drive me to action. I think deep down that the church wants to do that too, but it has become so misled and corrupted. It just took stepping out of it to realize this.

And while it would be easier to sit outside the doors and insult it, my heart wants to see the church cured - to see it purified. I just think that the best way to do that isn't to tell them (to talk about it removed from action - a lot like they already teach on matters of faith), but to show them, to inspire and drive them to change, to actually pursue love as a unified body over all barriers, even denominational ones. There's no denominations in the kingdom of God, so why do we let them be created?

There's a lot to say about Jesus and the message he preached, that he lived out and actually saw come about. But it amazes me how we've allowed our theological and weak interpretations cloud the mission. Jesus' message wasn't a secret, so why do we approach it like it is?

I realize that Jesus spoke in parables, but it wasn't to confuse us. It was necessary to cause us to search deeper, deeper than the Christian message that the world is somehow feeding us through "Christian" circles. And the meaning behind them helps us grasp understanding. Jesus was very clear when he said, "repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." It's at hand?! It's here! What's so confusing about that?

If we follow Jesus' example and just quit talking about following him, I bet you anything that this entire world would be changed in a radical way. That's our problem. We talk about things too much. So let's stop being lazy and do something already.

2007-07-31T17:18:00.000-05:00

dinner

my heart is splintered
broken and bleeding
ravaged from pokes
and prods of
your endless feasting

- - - - - - - - - - -

There are sometimes that I think it's easy for anyone and everyone to make their life seem better than what it really is. I'm tired of trying to act like I have it all together and in the last several weeks... months... something... I've been breaking free from that. I'm far from having it together.

And I think there comes a point where we need to force our hearts to be honest with ourselves. It's one of the most difficult things that I think I've ever been through, this season of being able to sit and dwell on my own heart, soul, and mind. I've realized how grimy it really is, how corrupt my thoughts and actions tend to be and I've set out to try to change that.

Unfortunately not everybody seems to understand that. Some people don't seem to be so forgiving to another persons struggle. I'm thinking of specific people, and yes, more than one. It's a shame, really, that some of the people I hold closest to my heart are the ones that I think are truly the farthest from it. And it's not because I'm screaming out for help, but for them to come in and just sit with me for awhile (because sometimes anothers presence is all that I need, personally, although I know that doesn't work for everybody).

I think this is partially why I've felt so alone. It's like everyone's abandoning me. Simultaneously, it's also as if when everyone else leaves my side during the fight, God's presence dwindles until I'm ultimately fighting by myself. Let me tell you: there's nothing more discouraging than feeling as if you're in a fight all alone.

I realize that other things come up and other things are going on, but at the same time, my soul and my heart, my attention, as never been more fiercely battled for than at this time. So I'm sorry to all when my attention's not completely focused on what you want it to be focused on, but I'm trying to preserve my own spirit. The poem - up top there - that's directed towards the devil.

This battle's looking bleak right now because it is as if no one is around. I need some hope, some Light, to restore my strength, but it just flees at the sight of me it seems.

2007-07-30T18:04:00.001-05:00

Do you see, do you see, all the people sinking down,

Don't you care, don't you care, are you gonna let them drown,

How can you be so numb, not to care if they come,

You close your eyes and pretend the job's done.

Oh Bless me Lord, bless me Lord, you know it's all I ever hear,

No one aches, no one hurts, no one even sheds one tear,

But He cries, He weeps, He bleeds, and He cares for your needs,

And you just lay back and keep soaking it in, oh, can't you see it's such sin?

Cause He brings people to your door,

And you turn them away, as you smile and say,

God bless you, be at peace, and all Heaven just weeps,

Cause Jesus came to your door, you've left Him out on the streets.

Open up, open up, and give yourself away,

You've seen the need, you hear the cry, so how can you delay,

God's calling and you're the one, but like Jonah you run,

He's told you to speak, but you keep holding it in,

Oh, can't you see it's such sin?

The world is sleeping in the dark,

That the church can't fight, cause it's asleep in the light,

How can you be so dead, when you've been so well fed,

Jesus rose from the grave, and you, you can't even get out of bed,

Oh, Jesus rose from the dead, come on, get out of your bed.

How can you be so numb, not to care if they come,

You close your eyes and pretend the job's done,

Don't close your eyes, don't pretend the job's done.

Come away, come away, come away with Me, My love,

Come away, from this mess, come away with Me, My love.

--Keith Green, "Asleep in the Night"

2007-07-29T19:10:00.001-05:00

this is for you

more than anything
I desire You.
I wish for the one thing
I'm not willing to receive:
more.
It's raging,
this epic battle
for the soul within.
I'm finally granted
the black and white,
yet into gray
spins this heart inside.
So I stand.
Waiting silently
wanting to step in
the weakness of my voice
deafened by
resistence.
Why fight? Why wait?
Peace is battered and bruised,
but it stands,
anticipating that more.
The one thing
I want to receive.
The One that after struggle,
my hands are still reaching out for.

2007-07-29T18:51:00.000-05:00

Take a Penny

So I've been thinking a lot lately. I know, I know. I do this a lot and repeatedly day after day. Only recently though as it become the prison that I find myself in every morning that I rise. My thoughts immediately rush into a whirlwind and sweep my attention away from something Greater. If Satan ever has a foothold on me, it's usually with and through what goes on inside my head and what's worse, my heart.

There's this Keith Green song, which I love right now. It's called, "He'll Take Care of the Rest." Basically, it's about different characters in the Bible. They do what God commands them to do. They're obedient to what He asks them to do and despite their struggle, despite their worry, they do it. And ultimately God just guarantees that He'll take care of the rest.

I've been thinking about that being applied in my own life. I need to remain obedient to what God has called me to do and He'll take care of the rest. I worry about the littlest things too, the littlest things that can sometimes take away from the bigger picture of what God's doing. I distract myself unintentionally through my conscience. It's a prison for me, truly. But I think about things like: can I actually do this, what can go wrong, what's going to go right, how do I follow up, will I be alone for the rest of my life, when will I know, when will You move through this, why aren't you speaking to me, etc.

Thing is, I know what God's called me to do. It's what He's ultimately called all of us to do: love on Him. We do that through loving each other because Christ is in us. And I can do this no matter where I am at. I can love on people. So right now, I'm loving people through the ministry of God's that He has me serving through and when I leave in a few months, I'll love people the same.

Mother Teresa said we shouldn't love the poor like they were Jesus, we should love the poor because they ARE Jesus.

Marvelous thought. How intriguing to think that we have a responsibility to love Jesus back and do so by loving each other. What an amazing gift and ability we've all been given. What an amazing gift and ability that we daily deny...

But that's just it. I need to not worry about the in betweens. The "whos" and "hows" that I wonder about all the time. I need to remain obedient to the calling that I have received and He'll take care of the rest.

This is where my faith becomes no longer idle.

2007-07-20T17:28:00.001-05:00

To Idolatry I Turn

I really feel like I'm going through an intense change in my life. I know that sounds impossible, but I believe that I couldn't be any closer to the truth.

There's this specific thing in my world-bubble that I idolized. Yep. There was something in my life that I put before God. It wasn't an object. It surprisingly wasn't quite even a person.

It was a chase.

I put a lot of time and a lot of energy into chasing this 'chase'. Ask me about it more sometime and I'll gladly give you the details. But it's true. There were a lot of times that I put running after God on hold, merely to spend time chasing something I so desperately felt a peace about. Thing is: it wasn't time. I totally stepped on God's toes. I completely stepped on my own. Why? So I could try to speed things up. So I could get what I wanted sooner. And for what benefit? Obviously not my own.

I broke into tears the other night when this reality hit me in the face. I was laying in bed, almost asleep when Psalm 32 popped into my head. I tried to brush it to the side, but it was a persistent verbage, so I looked it up.

"Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the LORD' - and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

"Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts him. Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!" -- Psalm 32

I read it over and over and over again. Finally, I decided that what I needed to do was confess my trangressions - my sins - to God. I tried to remember every sin that I committed in the last week. I finally ran out of things to say except one. I didn't want to recognize my idolatry. I felt so good. It felt so great to have something somewhat tangible to hold onto.

But I finally confessed.

I took refuge in God's words, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." Never in my life have I trusted God more with something. I knew for the longest time that I needed to release this to Him, it wasn't until then that I decided to. I had my reassurance from God. So I removed my grip from the issue, from the idol, and I placed it back in His hands, watched Him hold the 'chase' that was really His, close to His heart, look me in the eye, and smile.

I know this is what I need to do. I can never go wrong with chasing after God how I feel that HE wants me to chase after Him. I can't place my feet on someone else's path and expect to grow in it. I'd only be doing me and them a disservice. And it wouldn't be God instructing me. It would be me instructing me. We all know that I'm pretty good at leading myself astray - I'm human.

And this is definitely not an easy move. It has been the hardest two days of my life. I don't say that lightly. Emotionally, spiritually, physically - it's been a battle. There's a battle truly raging here between my flesh and my spirit. It's nowhere near over. I just want to see Satan removed from it. I want God's clear direction. I'm waiting eagerly for him to instruct me and teach me in the way that I should go. I'm anxiously waiting to feel His gaze on my back as He watches over me, as I carry on trying to rejoice away from the comfort of my idol.

***

Also, check out this mans blog. He's a great friend of mine. Brilliant for his age...

2007-07-18T00:09:00.000-05:00

Speaking a Generation's Language

--Seth Barnes

As part of mobilizing a generation to find their identity in Christ and change the world, we're launching an online campaign to raise awareness for the World Race, an eleven-month pilgrimage in which the participants take a year off, travel the world, plant churches, and see the power of the Gospel come to life.

Each generation has a specific purpose and language. John the Baptizer had to become less so that his cousin Jesus could become greater. Christ himself believed that the generation following him would be greater than he was. In fact, he promised it to them. This is how the kingdom works, and I believe it for our current generation of twenty-somethings.

Any missionary knows that in order to reach a people group, you have to understand the culture and language. This may take years, because you have to not only know how to speak the words, but you must train yourself in comprehending their particular worldview.

This generation is set apart by their longing for authenticity; they're tired of being lied to. They are cynical but, at the same time, strangely hopeful. And their language is technology.

There is a lot more to this than just being "relevant," which has become quite a buzzword in the evangelical church lately. This is about understanding what makes young people come alive. Jesus talked about nets and grain with fishers and farmers, and so must we engage young people in an arena that taps into their passions.

This doesn't mean that we denigrate young adult ministry to slideshows and video clips. This group has an uncanny ability to see through superficial fronts. But it does mean that we who are passionate about seeing the next generation come alive are willing to learn a new language and get real with them. Please share the following links with the young people in your sphere of influence:

WR MySpaceEntire movements are born on Myspace.com, and this is where millions of young people interface every day. We post updates here every few days.

WR Xanga blogA "best of" from the WR blogs, featuring a new favorite every day.

WR Facebook GroupAnother social network that is beginning to compete with Myspace. Several World Racers have utilized this "group" function to draw support to their ministries.

WR YouTube ChannelWe have two media teams out in the field, sending videos of what God is doing.

2007-07-16T16:53:00.000-05:00

Frustrated Superheroes

Do you ever get really frustrated with something? I mean incredibly frustrated with something or someone? Because I get that way. I think that anyone who doesn't get that way is sure to be alien. There's no possible way that they're human. They're superhuman. I don't know any superheroes, but if there's people who never get frustrated on this planet, then they're out of this world. Or not from here. And if they're from planet earth and never get frustrated, then they're just freaks. Plain and simple. Freaks.

I dont' know what it is, but more times than not, I'm stubborn. I'm either stubborn, persistent, or faithful. I'm not sure which one it is. There's no possible way that I should be allowed to be the judge of that either. Because I would always choose faithful. It makes me sound better than what I really am. And if I wanted to be honest with myself, I would say I'm a persistent stubborn. I know grammatically I'm not allowed to do that, but I really don't care about grammar, as you can see.

Sometimes I just feel like one of those punching toys. You know, the ones that little kids beat the snot out of, but when they fall over they just pop back up. That's me. That's totally the type of person I am. Granted, in defense of the toy, it has no choice. It has to get back up or else it gets taken back to the manufacturer and they really beat the crap out of it. I, however, have a choice to get back up. That's where my persistent stubbornness (or faithfulness) comes into play.

There's times that I obviously don't know when to give up. There's times that I just don't know when I need to finally get off the horse, when I need to deflate my drive, pack up, and go home. There's also times that people tell me, "matt, it's time you just move on. It's time to throw in the towel and quit." But for some reason, and in this situation I'm finding myself in, I just can't do that!

Normally, after the first punch, I would be long gone. Yet in this place that I find myself, I've been more than punched. I've been kicked, yelled at, karate chopped, shanked, punched some more, and then some. Apparently any sane person would get up and leave, but there's something else holding me in place other than my own dead weight. Obviously, I can move my own weight. It's like something else is holding me down, telling me, "matt, please, just wait. Be patient. Be faithful."

So that's what I'm doing. I think that I have every right to get frustrated. I'm frustrated because a) I'm not a superhero; b) I'm human and want to leave; c) for some reason, I just can't pack my bags and move on. The last one is probably the most frustrating. Although I constantly allow myself to get beaten, there's something else keeping me in place. A peace. An 'understanding' that I don't frickin' understand. I'm waiting for the day that God will finally reveal that to me.

So.

I'm a frustrated-persistent- faithful-stubborn-freak.

Quite a title there. But it's true.

*for those who wondered, I'm a freak because although I get frustrated in my frustration, the peace and 'understanding' I have helps me overcome it. Yep. Freak.

2007-07-13T22:37:00.000-05:00

Who am I?

What is my identity? What or who do I let define who I am? It seems simple enough. And while I can say that it's one thing, my actions don't always reflect that. Maybe putting it in writing will give it more definition.

I am Matthew Lewis Adams Snyder. I am discovering the person that God is making me. It would be easy to root my identity in my job, in what I do for a living, maybe even where I've come from. Or I could pull out the Christian tag and say that my identity is found in Christ, it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives through me. Each response is good in its own right, but each is also prone to a lot of criticism.

I need to realize, however, that my identity is not in what others think of me. My identity truly is in the latter camp: it's in who I am in Christ Jesus. The problem? My identity is constantly fluctuating because in our society we recognize and match people's identity with what they do. I am definately a follower of God.

I can't, unfortunately, neglect my human condition. I'll never, in this life, be able to always succeed in chasing my identity in Christ. Therefore, I am a broken and fallen follower of Christ Jesus. Yes, there'll be days that I have it together, that I can chase after God recklessly and with complete abandon to myself and the world around me, but I'll also have days that I get caught up in myself, that I care too much about what others think of me, and God's appeal becomes less attractive, and I try to make a name for myself. Those are the days that I stop chasing. I stand still and let God turn around and watch me make a fool of myself. Sometimes I stand with my feet in both doors. That's usually when I lose sight of who I am and I forget about my true identity.

The only way to truly find myself is to look to Christ Jesus, because without Him I am incomplete. And there's no better way to find myself than to do so chasing after God, with God, the One who knows who I really am, the One who completes me.

So, as foolish and simple - perhaps as cliche as it sounds - my identity is in Christ. I am a fallen and broken follower of Jesus. Anyone who tell sme otherwise: may God bless them with wisdom and the knowledge to recognize that they're no different than me.

It just makes sense. If God's the one who completes me, if God's the one who can tell me who I "am", then why chase after something else, especially a worldly ideal? It's just stupid. And I do it all the time because it looks so frickin' appealing to me. But then something inside me snaps and it triggers this thought of eternity. This thought that, well, when I die I will be forgotten here. It doesn't matter what name I make for myself. I can always count on people to forget me. So why not become who God wants me to become? Why not become who I am to be for eternity?

And why don't I ever makes sense, even to myself?

2007-07-06T01:15:00.000-05:00

A Moral Tsunami Sweeping Young People Out to Sea

Having spent the past month in Africa with the World Racers, this idea of abandonment has really become a reality. This is a group of young Jesus-followers who aren't settling for Vacation Bible school or a one-week trip to Mexico to build houses; they desperately want to see the kingdom of God advanced, and the Lord has been faithful with signs and wonders.

Jesus replied, "You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but you cannot interpret the signs of the times." -Matthew 16:3

As a teenager, my best friend's dad was a pastor of a large PCUSA church who preached on this passage. My friend showed me where his dad kept his pornography magazines in his office over the garage. His dad later divorced his wife who had MS, moved from the Midwest to Florida, became a used car salesman, then died of cancer from smoking too much.

The Bible says, "Don't let many of you become teachers" for a reason.

Most of us are primarily tactical, that is, we're not strategic. Jesus says to pray for daily bread because we tend to live day-to-day. We do what we've always done, not really analyzing whether or not it will make any long-term difference. It is this approach that allows one generation to completely fail in the one task that it views as more important than any other, the task of passing its values and faith on to its sons and daughters.

Because of the enormous disconnect between the way that Jesus raised disciples and the way that we disciple, young people are failing to understand and follow his radical gospel. Barna statistics show that the percentage of teens who are evangelicals declined from 10% in 1995 to just 4% today. One student in six will continue going to church after leaving the church.
The elephant in the living room is that within a generation, the Church in America will have, for all practical purposes, died. Europe has pioneered the downhill slope to oblivion. The seat of the Reformation has become an agnostic's paradise. Its churches stand as empty monuments to a bygone era when families walked to their local parish.

If you want to see the future of Des Moines or Phoenix or Atlanta, all you have to do is catch a flight to Heathrow and ride the tube in any direction for half an hour. Get off and ask for the local church. It will be a beautiful old building that sits empty, but for a few old people on Sunday. That is America's ghost of Christmas Future. About 5% of the population believes in Jesus and less than half the population believe in God. A foggy nihilism as bleak as the weather has settled over the population where once glad hymns were sung.

We are sliding in this direction much faster than we realize. The Asian tsunami offers a good analogy. First, the water along the beach's edge was sucked out to sea leaving behind schools of fish flopping in the sun. The parallel is that faith in America is similarly drying up. We see the individuals who don't make it, and we see the dry moral environment. But what we can't see is the tidal wave of societal change that will occur as the next generation matures and has nothing to pass on to their children.

Given this bleak forecast, what is a true believer to do? Jesus gave us the answer repeatedly when counseling people caught in society's death grip. "Get radical!" Peter Lord says, "Go with the goers.Take the young people you know with a fire in their bellies and spend a month or two ministering in the poorest slums you can find.Leave everything behind. Discover the Jesus of Matthew 10. The following summer, if you still have a job, spend two months in the slums of Bombay. You'll find that Jesus has gone on ahead and is waiting for you there.

--Seth Barnes (www.sethbarnes.com)

2007-07-03T01:45:00.000-05:00

I'm Questioning...

I’m questioning
What’s yet to be
Revealed.
I’m on a journey
In my heart and
In my mind.
My feet are
Bloodied
From miles of
Walking alone.
Searching
Wondering
In what should be
Left untouched
At the moment.
The gravity’s strong.
My flesh is weak.
And my soul is grounded.
I’m not moving.
I’m a seed without water
A dead plant without light
When I idle
Intentionally
I bring deaths
View in my eyes.
So the winds blow
The ground shakes
Fresh air expands my
Dry lungs.
And the cries of
Stragnant life have
Been heard.
But when will movement
Prevail?
When will change
Take place?
When will this hope
Blossom in the field
I’m standing in,
Waiting eagerly
For some color
In the black and white?
I’m questioning
What’s yet to be

Revealed.

2007-06-26T10:12:00.000-05:00

Fools

I'm not sure what it is, but everytime that I see this guy downtown, he makes me smile. Everybody looks at him like he's rather strange, like he's got the plague and he could breathe rejection into your life. But there's something about him that gives me some sort of joy. It's a good thing though. It's like he's a fool. A fool for Christ, but in his own right. Go down to the Oldtown Plaza at night and check him out...

2007-06-23T23:05:00.000-05:00

Wishes

There's a parallel
we're running between
A wishing well
we cast our dreams
And into the dark
we let our hearts fall
into eternity
our desires
our all.
An air of love
surrounds each hope cast
And rests in the hand
of the One who directs.
Behind Who guides
behind Who leads
we pour ourselves
and let our souls bleed.
Yet the wishes
are fleeting
Matter, they not
It's not about us
It's about what It wants.
So clutch them
or hold them
or let your dreams fly
they'll land in the abyss
and gleam our Maker's eye.

2007-06-19T23:02:00.000-05:00

One thing

one thing rings true:
I'm tired of being idle on my hands.
Wasting from staring
at a canvas untouched.
Thru with speaking words
that yield no movement.
It's time.
Time to stretch musclesand reach out.
Time to bleed from the eyes
onto a colorless life.
It is time.
Time to speak Love
into being.

2007-06-19T15:24:00.000-05:00

Dear God

I surrender.
Here's my flag.
You've crushed me.
Broken me.
Heaved me into oblivion.
I no longer exist.
And I'm tired of it.
Tired.
So I quit.
I quit me.
I quit trying.
I just quit it all.
Because I've never hurt
like I'm in pain now,
From being kicked
by my own God.
It's just me.
Just You.
While I'm bleeding on this floor.

2007-06-16T23:57:00.000-05:00

Thoughts

Last night my dad and I went to Walmart to pick up several nonessentials, you know, the things we don't really need but have fooled ourselves into thinking we really do. I came to the realization that the treasured wall of people at Wally-World is nowhere to take my 50-year-old father, especially when it's getting late, people are everywhere, and he and I have no business being there in the first place. Mainly because after wandering aimlessly for 10 minutes we forgot what we were there for, hence, the "nonessentials." If we really needed them, we wouldn't have forgotten and gotten lost in a labyrinth of walking-dead-people.

We ended up in the drive-thru at Starbucks because my dad subconciously drives there when I'm riding in his cab. I hadn't been to this place full of memories because I betrayed it for another coffee shop that people don't bother me at. Anyway, we went through the drive-thru shouting at a giant piece of plastic advertising overpriced coffee, which just shouted right back and told us to pull through, to which I then notice old friends working (this is what happens when you frequent a place. You make friends with all the employees). After sucking up, my dad and I pulled away with free coffee proving that it really isn't about what you know, but who you know.

And these two stories have nothing in common other than people. People: an essential evil that I'm blessed to tolerate when I want no part in it. And I truly mean that in the best way possible. You can't run from people. We have to have them. They can cause us to become disoriented in our own state of confusion or graciously provide free fuel to keep us going, to keep us seeking our way out of the crowd to help us find what we're looking for, what we really need... what's really "essential." Even if it's free coffee for one night...

2007-06-15T20:54:00.000-05:00

Five or less

Today's been one of those days that I've finally realized, despite my own deception, that I have no social life. I don't. I can narrow down my posse to a list of five people or less. Strangely enough, I take a lot of pride in saying that.

I know, I know. It's easy to assume from this finding that I'm a depressed and lonely soul. Depressed, no. Lonely, in some ways. But really. I pride myself in saying that I don't have a lot of friends that I hang out with all the time. I know people who can kick-it with 20 people at once and have a deep and personal relationship with every single person within a 10 mile radius. I'm not one of those people. I thrive off of being around a butt-ton of people (as long as they're not smelly athletes), but I don't always care to get to know them all in a deeply intimate way.

I like my gang of five or less. In fact, I'm comfortable with my five or less. Any more of them and I wouldn't be able to keep up with them all. I would only be able to offer them a shallow friendship. But with my five or less, I can put into each of them while in a group OR one-on-one. I love every single one of my five or less. And when none of them are available to be around, I realize how important it is to spend some time with myself. Time alone with God.

I think that it's safe to say that God's one of my five or less. Fortunately, he's always around to sit with me, to watch the fireflies and marvel at the silences of nature. Sometimes there's beauty in silence. Not just with God, but with other friends too. My five or less and I sometimes don't talk. We'll just sit and read together. There's conversation there. And sometimes it's hard when I feel like God never really talks to me. The fact that I can count on one hand the amount of times I've heard him speak should serve as a discouragement. But to me, it's just a reminder that God's also in the little things, the fireflies and the silences of nature.

2007-06-13T00:42:00.001-05:00

City of Angels

I don't know if you've seen the movie, "City of Angels," but I just watched it for the first time. In all honesty, I actually loved the movie. I've always enjoyed chic-flicks. However, I can't believe I opened my mouth during the movie and said something that would only come true.

But it got me to thinking a lot about angels and humans. How we're so different. Anybody care to jump in and say a few words on the differences/similarities between angels and humans?

I'll throw this out there: the movie said that humans had free-will and implied that the angels didn't, however, the angels could choose to "fall."

Casey, I'm hoping for your insight on this one...

2007-06-09T10:54:00.001-05:00

In the Name of Love

I leave in January 2008...
www.theworldrace.org

If you want to support me financially, let me know.
I need you to.

2007-06-06T09:02:00.000-05:00

Clean Water & Sanitation

Access to clean water is a basic human right and a necessary precondition to all our human rights. An accessible supply of clean water is essential to good health, education and overall productivity around the world, yet currently over one billion people lack access to a basic supply of clean water and 2.6 billion people do not have access to basic sanitation.

Every 15 seconds, a child dies from a disease associated with lack of access to safe drinking water, inadequate sanitation and poor hygiene.

Of the 1 billion people lacking access to clean water, approximately 314 million live in sub-Saharan Africa.

Every $1 invested in water yields an economic return worth $8 in saved time, increased productivity and reduced healthcare costs.

Unsafe water and poor sanitation play a major role in the transmission of diseases including Diarrhea, Cholera, Malaria, and Typhoid. More than 1.8 million children die each year – roughly one child every 15 seconds – from water and sanitation-related Diarrhoeal diseases.

The lack of access to clean water and sanitation translates into lost educational opportunities, particularly for women and girls. Time spent collecting water – often many hours each day – means girls do not have time to attend school. Studies show that girls are 12% more likely to attend school if water is available within 15 minutes from home versus a one hour’s walk. Young girls are also less likely to attend classes if the school does not have adequate and separate toilets for girls. In addition, water-related illnesses increase absenteeism for all children and result in a loss of over 443 million school days globally each year.

With ONE voice, we are asking our leaders to commit an additional $300 million so the millions of people who lack access to clean water and basic sanitation could have the opportunity for improved health and a better quality of life.

An Opportunity
The internationally agreed upon goal is to halve the number of people without access to safe drinking water and basic sanitation by 2015. Based on current estimates, meeting this goal would result in safe drinking water for approximately 450 million more people, and basic sanitation for approximately 700 million more people.

There is no doubt the world has the knowledge, technology and resources to cut in half the number of people without access to safe drinking water and sanitation by 2015. However, meeting this target will require a substantial increase in resources and commitment from donor governments.

ONE supports the implementation of the Water for the Poor Act, which would strengthen U.S. government programs that increase affordable and equitable access to safe drinking water and sanitation in the developing world.>

2007-06-05T22:05:00.000-05:00

thinking out loud

Sometimes I wonder about things. Things that actually have no real value. Sometimes, though, I don't wonder about them. I just worry about them, like they have value, like in the grand scheme of things they're actually going to make some kind of difference in my life by the time I die. Then I realize it doesn't matter. That time is fleeting. That whatever's rooted in the LORD can stand the test of time. Even if it feels like forever when it's really not. And, yes, I am thinking too far ahead. Things could change between now and then.

2007-06-03T00:54:00.001-05:00

becoming

I think that one of the most humbling things that can happen to a person is when they realize how completely and utterly selfish they are. They can go for months thinking that they're really concerned for others' needs when ultimately, they cannot even begin to see past their own. It would be safe to say that I came to this humbling reality tonight.

I realized tonight that I am the most selfish person I know. It took a lot of reflection and a lot of convincing myself that I wasn't allowed to deny it anymore.

I am selfish.

Geez. Those are actually incredibly tough words for me to shove in my face, especially when I don't even want to eat them. But it's true. I realized tonight that I am the most selfish person I know. And I am fully aware that every person would undoubtedly argue that THEY'RE the most selfish person they know, but alas, they would merely be sorely mistaken. They know the truth even when they don't want to admit it: Matt is really into himself.

Why is this a tough reality for me to swallow? It's probably that I've definately put my own needs above the needs of God. I've gracefully looked past everything that God needs me to do to only put my needs, my wants, and my human desires on this giant pedestal for the entire world to gawk at. But frankly, the world doesn't care. It has its own needs, wants, and desires. I mean, there's a lot that I want. I don't want to be lonely. I want to have a job. I want to know what I'm doing. I really want to be accepted to the World Race. I want this girl, a new camera, a new laptop, and new car, blah blah blah. All the time I've purposively walked blindly to something...

It's not about me.

"Not to us, but to Your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." (Ps. 115.1)

Yeah. It's not about me. It's about God. It's about God's glory. It's about seeking Him, His needs, His wants, His desires, and His purposes, all for His glory. Not Matt's. Not yours. "Love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself." Two simple commands. Two simple commands that require us to deny ourselves. I distinctly remember reading other places in the scriptures where Jesus calls us to deny ourselves, to take up our cross, and follow Him.

I sure have done a good job of screwing that up.

"It is not the dead who praise the LORD, those who go down to silence; it is we who extol the LORD, both now and forevermore. Praise the LORD." (Ps. 115.17-18)

The dead don't praise God. The LIVING praise God. Am I really living when I'm living for myself? Am I truly living my life to the fullest when I'm seeking my own desires? I need to seek God. I need HIS grace to strip me of my selfishness. Praise Him that I've received that ability!

But really, I'm still selfish. I just don't deny it anymore.

2007-06-02T20:22:00.000-05:00

I feel like I've been punched in the heart again, God.
What the heck are you doing with my life?

2007-06-02T10:28:00.000-05:00

The Mouth of the Almighty

This has spoken to me a lot in the last few days, so I thought I would share it with y'all...

"Shout it aloud, do not hold back.

Raise your voice like a trumpet.

Declare to my people their rebellion and to the house of Jacob their sins.

For day after day they seek me out;

they seem eager to know my ways,

as if they were a nation that does what is right

and has not forsaken the commands of its God.

They ask me for just decisions

and seem eager for God to come near them.

'Why have we fasted,' they say,

'and you have not seen it?

Why have we humbled ourselves,

and you have not noticed?'

"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as

you please and exploit all your workers.

Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,

and in striking each other with wicked fists.

You cannot fast as you do today

and expect your voice to be heard on high.

Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,

only a day for a man to humble himself?

Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed

and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?

Is that what you call a fast,

a day acceptable to the LORD?

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-

when you see the naked, to clothe him,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness will go before you,

and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say:

Here am I.

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then you rlight will rise in the darkness,

and you rnight will become like the noonday.

The LORD will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a

sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins

and will riase up the age-old foundations;

you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,

Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

"If you keep your feet from breakin the Sabbath

and from doing as you please on my holy day,

if you call the Sabbath a delight

and the LORD's holy day honorable,

and if you honor if by not going your own way

and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

then you will find your joy in the LORD,

and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land

and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."

The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

--Isaiah 58

2007-05-30T13:26:00.001-05:00

PAY ATTENTION:

An average of 8500 people die from HIV/AIDS every day.
Every day.
That would mean an average of 2-3.1 million people die every year.
Children are left orphaned.
They bury their own mothers at 2-3 yrs. old.
Why? Easy: AIDS.
Why? Injustice.
Why? Because too many people don't care.

And it's not just because people don't have morals.

Mothers with 9 children, 5 of them not even being their own because their parents already died of AIDS, have to feed those children. But a lot of them don't have jobs. The only way to get food is to buy it; what little is actually available to purchase. With no education and a staggering illiteracy rate, mothers have two options: sell themselves for sex or let their children starve. So these women have sex for money with different men. These men have HIV. Then the women get it. Everyone that these men sleep with gets HIV. Every man that these women sleep with gets HIV. Every child these women have gets HIV. Why? They're trying to feed their children. They're trying to survive.

It's not that they don't know what's right and what's wrong.
They do.
There's just also larger issues.

And where's the church? Where's the church in America? As a majority, does it really care?
Probably not.
I like what Bono says. He calls the American Church the "sleeping giant."

For once, can we make that statement false?

2007-05-28T11:53:00.000-05:00

Insight

"At the root of the Christian life lies belief in the invisible. The object of the Christians' faith is unseen reality. Our uncorrected thinking, influenced by the blindness of our natural hearts and the intrusive ubquity of visible things, tends to draw a contrast between the spiritual and the real - but actually no such contrast exists. The antithesis lies elsewhere, between the real and the imaginary, between the spiritual and the material, between the temporal and the eternal; but between the spiritual and the real, never. The spiritual is real.

"If we would rise into that region of light and power plainly beckoning us through the Scriptures of truth, we must break the evil habit of ignoring the spiritual. We must shift our interest from the seen to the unseen. For the great unseen Reality is God. 'He that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him' (Hebrews 11:6). This is basic in the life of faith. From there we can rise to unlimited heights. 'Ye believe in God,' said our Lord Jesus Christ, 'believe also in me' (John 14:1). Without the first there can be no second."

-- A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

2007-05-25T01:10:00.000-05:00

Conviction

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." -- Matt 7.3-5, NIV

Those are tough words to swallow, especially for me. I wrestle with things a lot. I struggle with pride; thinking that I "get it" when others don't. I can be the biggest critic of the Church, of America, of other Christians. But at the same time, I refuse to turn the mirror on myself.

I haven't jumped on some spiritual and anti-religious or anti-American Christianity bandwagon. I know that in recent years it has become popular to be all anti-religion. "Jesus is not religion," and all that other blah. That's great. I'm glad some people are starting to understand that God is bigger than we have made Him to be, that God exists outside of this incredibly small religious and Americanized box that we've put him in. But honestly, I haven't jumped on a bandwagon. I haven't squeezed into a sweet VW Van with all the other 21st-century hippies. I just truly voice what I believe deep down... The problem? I just ignore the pride that I've developed as a result of that.

I was sitting in bed reading an amazing book, "The Power and the Glory," when this verse above popped into my head. I immediately felt conviction. A friend and I were talking earlier about how we both wrestle with the same thing, this whole pride issue, so it's not like I wasn't thinking about it already. But I truly believe that God threw this verse into the back of my mind to convict me.

Most people tell me that I'm humble, that I never say too much about myself and that kind of thing, but I'm one of the most prideful people I know. I seriously can't manage the "bull" by its horns. Pride stomps all over me. I'm a spiritual pancake on the inside. It's sick. It's ridiculous. So it's something I need to fix.

I'm not going to abandon my convictions. Those will remain. I believe that God has put those there for a purpose. I do, however, want to abandon my pride. I can't see past it. It's a giant plank and until I get it removed, there's no way that I'm going to be able to help my brothers and sisters see without blinding them with my fat thumb.

So Abba, remove my pride. Remove my plank. It's getting in the way of what You're trying to do with me. -- Amen

2007-05-22T15:51:00.000-05:00

Mother T.

"It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."

2007-05-22T02:04:00.000-05:00

Rambling Thoughts

I was reading through my journal, again, and ran across this. Reading through it I wanted to stand up and shout, "AMEN!"
Bad idea.
It's 2:05am and everyone in my house is asleep in bed, one who wakes up in three hours to head off to work. Seriously though.

I read through this and it re-resonated with me. I think that it's bad though. It's definately bad that I feel this way and perhaps I shouldn't re-write it for the world to read, but it's how I felt/feel at times. If you're offended by it: get over yourself. If you enjoy it: pray for you AND me. We need changed hearts. We need our hearts to break and step up to change this world so that it isn't this way.

I always have this heavy burden of being weighed down by the things of this world. The feeling only gets heavier and heavier on my weakening joints. I feel like the very sub-structure lurking beneath my surface is about to shatter. All because I'm in America... I think.

This last year has been one giant lesson for me, especially in that.

There's a vibe that everything "American" gives off to me. Maybe it's centuries old. Maybe it's a result of popular culture, western thinking, or Christianity in the states. I'm not sure. I just know that there's something "plastic," "fake," and purely idealistic about anything that's American. It's cheap. It's quick. It's easy. Almost like sex at a brothel.

What frustrates me the most is that the Church, as a majority in the U.S., has taken on American values and ideals. Granted, I'm not saying that the American Church is like a whore that gives into everythi--...

Wait.
I am.
Let me think about this...
Nope. Don't need to.

American Christianity has become a whore that rapes whatever it can to sell itself. To make a profit. To become so relevant to the point that it's reached conformity with society instead of standing out. It's like the American Church has become a business or corporation where the pastor is the CEO and all of humanity is now customers seeking product.

It sucks.

American Christianity = fake Christianity.

I know, I know. Those are strong words. And I cannot possibly denounce that some churches in America, a lot of churches in America, still "get it." There's churches that reach thousands and millions for Christ and for the Kingdom by what they're doing.

More power to 'em.

I'm just saying, it's time we realize we're better than that. The Church, unfortunately, is a lot like a whore at a brothel. America's raping us. And we're enjoying it because we're numb to it. What's it going to take to stand out, to change, to use "protection"?

2007-05-19T23:41:00.000-05:00

Exploring Community

Community is almost something of a lost concept these days. It is a lot fellowship that the world has unfortunately polluted with its own set of ideals, standards, and prerequisites to involvement within it. Community has become a giant country club where even Christians pay dues to remain a part of it. That is not a community. That is a clique. It is unfortunate that this is the idea that most people think of when they think of community, even Christian community. So what exactly is Christian community? What does it look like? Where is it found? Where does it begin? True Christian community, whether looked at biblically, theologically, or practically, should always find its foundation rooted in Christ Jesus. This is the point where community should bloom.
It is important to look at the idea of community from a biblical perspective. When one does, he better understands what the concept of community means both theologically and practically. If one does not examine community biblically, one runs the risk of mistaking community for personal ideals instead of structure and theology rooted in the word of God and Christ Jesus. So what does community look like biblically? In order to wrap one’s mind around such a thing, community needs to be explored in the Old and New Testaments as well as its interpretation, or lack thereof, in today’s world.
It is easy to jump straight into the book of Acts, seeing as that is where most people look to try to understand true Christian community. However, it is really important to start ones search in the Old Testament and the idea of it through the eyes of a Jew. The foundations of New Testament community gather some of their strength from their predecessor. So what does Old Testament Jewish community look like?
Community was initially formed to center around the worship of God. Israel, the covenant people, was this community. Robert Wall says of this community that “the worshipping community was also a witnessing community, called forth to reflect in its common life the very character of its transcendent God.”[1] In other words, the purpose of the original Jewish community was not just to worship God, but the fruit of their worship was their witness; their worship of God produced a gospel to be lived out in the everyday life of their community. However, it was not through the revelation of the Spirit that this community chose to base their witness and worship on, but the Torah. The word of God at that time was the Jewish community’s source of divine revelation, the source that they based their witness and worship.[2]
When Jesus came around he did not necessarily shatter this image or ideal of community, but he added to it and breathed new life into it. The New Testament community accepted the role of a worshipful witnessing community, however, this aspect was “decisively influenced by their conviction that Jesus was God’s Messiah, and that through him God had begun a new Exodus for the restored, eschatological Israel.”[3] The community was no longer something that centered on the Torah, but an element of Christian living that focused on Jesus and the hopeful future of the community that Jesus brought and drove them towards.
Wall argues that this pull, which fueled the Messianic movement, that is keeping God at the center, is what was at the core of Jesus’ idea of community.[4] Therefore, the New Testament community began to base their ideas and actions on this notion of keeping God at the center, which in effect, meant keeping Jesus and his message at the center of their community.
The early church community that is found in the book of Acts is a fine example of this type of community, one that keeps Jesus and his message and mission at the center.

"And they continued steadfastly in the apostle’s doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Then fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need. So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking of bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved."[5]

This is a long passage of scripture, but it is necessary in order to understand not only Christian community in the first century, but in the 21st century, emergent church as well. One might notice that the early church community continued worship in the temple, much like those of the Old Testament community of covenant Israel. The early church community also cared deeply for one another. When the scripture says that “they had all things in common,” it means that they all had friendship with one another[6]. As a result, they cared passionately for one another and held a high concern for each other’s health emotionally, physically, and even spiritually[7].
This community also sold its property and redistributed the proceeds to those in need. By doing so, it demonstrated “the social character of God’s kingdom, where all share equally in the good gifts of God.”[8] The early church was not a communist community by any means; rather, they were a body who cared for each other, a community that strived to share in sufferings, joys and ownership.
There is another large difference between the Old Testament’s idea of community and the New Testament’s early church. That difference is the Spirit. “God’s gift of the Spirit to the community suggests a transforming presence that unites the believers in a common koinonia.”[9] The Old Testament community more or less lacked the gift of God’s Spirit. The New Testament community, however, had that gift. It rooted its community not only on worship, the word of God, and Jesus’ message, but also on the ever moving and untamed Spirit of its living God.
The emerging church, which is becoming more popular as time moves on, finds its influence in the structure of the early Christian church, especially the one in Antioch. That is where the heart of the emerging church movement lays. The church in Jerusalem more or less continued what the Old Testament Jewish community practiced. It focused more on tradition and less on the life-giving Spirit and revelation of Jesus Christ, which is what the church in Antioch structured itself upon. Ray Anderson says it best when he says, “they were not so much interested in kingdom building as they were in living on the growing edge of the kingdom of God, where the dynamic presence and power of the Holy Spirit was found in a community of the Spirit rather than in a sanctuary of stone and glass.”[10]
It is not that the church in Jerusalem was all that bad because it was not, really. It just left out a lot of important aspects of developing community. Mainly Jesus as the Messiah and the Spirit of God as the untamed force leading the community into new and better places. The emerging church is about the contemporary presence of the historical Christ.[11]
This is just one aspect of community. This is only community glanced at from a biblical perspective. Fortunately, it is something much more that just this. What, however, might community look like from a more theological perspective? Where is the transfer of thought? How does one even begin to think about applying some of these concepts from the Bible to everyday practice? There is a lot of confusion about what community might look like outside of the scriptures, so it is important to think about not only what that confusion is, but about what ideas of community one should apply toward everyday living. In other words, a look at the thought of community should be taken.
In his book Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer examines the role of faith inside of community. He says a lot of good things, which can be applied to practical aspects of the community life. Bonhoeffer starts by exploring what community means for the individual. In simple terms, it means fellowship. There is a lot within fellowship for the personal believer. It is a physical presence, which brings joy and strength.[12] He goes on to mention how this fellowship is merely a gift of grace given to humanity, perhaps a glimpse into the kingdom itself.[13] So for the believer in fellowship, that is in community, it is a grace that allows one to experience just a piece of the oneness he might find in heaven.
Every community has a common ground. In fact, most friendships are built on things that two share in common. So goes the church community (just look at the early church for example). Bonhoeffer says, “Christianity means community through Jesus Christ and in Jesus Christ… we belong to one another only through and in Jesus Christ.”[14] In other words, ultimately, community does not begin in that all involved in it are hopeless sinners. Community begins and is grounded in the fact that everyone involved is one who belongs in Christ Jesus. This is similar to the early church community in that it found at the heart of its ministry the life, message, and mission of Jesus.
It is easy, especially for Christians in today’s society, to want to identify themselves with their commonness in sin. Bonhoeffer suggests that they do not do that. If that is the case, it becomes a hopeless band of individuals. However, a community with its foundations rooted in Christ is a community with a drive, with a hope, with a force greater that its own. It is a community that embraces the continuity of Christ and his impact on it, and allows that collision to carry it into the future.
Bonhoeffer next suggests that community is not a human ideal, in other words, its not something that man creates and invites others to become a part of, “it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate.”[15] How does one get to participate in this community? Through the Spirit of God, that draws people into fellowship with one another and gives to them the spirit of love.
Spiritual love, the result of community in Christ, is not something that man can manifest on his own. The only love that man can generate is human love. Human love, to Bonhoeffer is shallow and lacks the depth that only Christ can bring. “Human love is directed to the other person for his own sake, spiritual love loves him for Christ’s sake.”[16] That love is manifested through and in Christ Jesus, again, where true Christian community finds its roots. It is not that love for a brother outside of a Christian community is bad; it is just selfish. That kind of love will not hold firm in the face of adversity. Spiritual love, however, when confronted will not waiver but only grow stronger for the sake of Christ. It introduces grace into the picture as well and “when grace of love shines on us, we experience the benefits of grace and are then empowered to move toward the source of grace – God.”[17] Spiritual love aids in the development of grace in the believer’s life and ultimately, in the community.
Christian community must also be rooted in the word of God.

"Life together under the Word will remain sound and healthy only where it does not form itself into a movement, an order, a society, a collegium pietatus, but rather where it understands itself as being a part of the one, holy, catholic, Christian Church, where it shares actively and passively in the sufferings and struggles and promise of the whole Church.”[18]

Life together is not something that one can separate itself from the church. Life together, that is, life in community, is the church. It serves the church. It should be a piece of the body rooted in the Word. Ray Anderson says, “Those who love Christ become his body, with a common life and one heart.”[19] Community should celebrate and rally around this idea.
Ultimately, community is “bound together by a common faith.”[20] It is something that as Bonhoeffer tries to demonstrate, even holds to the tradition of the early church. What he outlines as essential features of true Christian community also serves as a continuation of what began in the New Testament early church and even continues on to this day.
So what does this type of community even look like in practice? One might think that it is difficult to find a group of Christians embracing this type of communal society in today’s world, especially in America. Fortunately, it is not that hard to find at all! There are many people who actually live in the United States who have committed themselves to living this divine reality out. And look no further than Donald Miller.
Donald Miller is a popular author among college-aged students. Like several people living in America, he had a lot of wrong impressions about Christian community. Fortunately, Miller was willing to voice those whereas others were not. In his book, Blue Like Jazz, Miller spends a chapter exploring Christian community. He appropriately titled the chapter “Community: living with freaks.”[21]
He writes about his first and longtime impressions of faith and how he always thought that is was something that people did alone, “like monks in caves,”[22] due in part to impressions that Christians leave in bookstores, that is, sending the message that “faith is something you do alone.”[23] Thankfully, Miller had an experience that shattered this view and only by and through the grace of God. He moved into a house with five other Christian guys for the sake of community. It was not something they did intentionally, but rather something that him and his housemates had the desire to do. All of them eventually “had everything in common.”
And like in any experience or community, Miller learned a lot. He said “living in community made me realize my faults: I was addicted to myself.”[24] He was not, however, able to do that without the spiritual love he found in community. The men he lived with loved him unselfishly, for the sake of Christ. Of this kind of love, Miller’s friend, Bill comments “If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus.”[25] In other words, Miller learned that one could not be selfish in community without forsaking the spiritual love that the Spirit gives.
In an article by John Buchanan found in Christian Century magazine, he writes about an encounter that he had with true Christian community, as least in terms of hospitality. Buchanan’s wife’s grandfather had passed away and they had no place to hold a funeral service. The grandfather had attended a Lutheran church for about 30 years of his life, but after moving into a retirement facility, went to a Presbyterian church instead. However, when Buchanan’s family needed a place to do the funeral they did not think that the Lutheran church would let them do it there.
They could not have been more wrong. The Lutheran church that their grandfather had attended for so many years opened its doors to the Buchanans. The pastor presided at the service, the organist played the hymns, and the congregation catered a large lunch, and all of this when none of them even knew the grandfather! Buchanan says, “The hospitality was, I thought, pure grace, an act of simple, eloquent Christian love.”[26] This is also something that Christian community should be. It should be something that crosses denominational boundaries with the full knowledge that its foundation is in, and its service is to, a much higher King than what the worlds’ differences has to offer. In the words from another article in the same magazine, “it reminds us that Christian churches are connected,” especially when they come together like this.[27]
There is another article in Christian Century that also discusses community much in the way that Bonhoeffer does by saying what it is and what it is not. Apparently there was a horrible heat wave during the summer of 1995 in Chicago. Over 739 people died and unfortunately most of them died alone. Peter Marty blames the majority of those deaths on the absence of community.[28]
Marty goes on to say that the lack of community is due to the promotion of the individual that society pressures onto most people. Taking that even further, he examines this idea within Christian community. Marty clearly states what Christian community is not. “Inhabiting the same ecclesiastical space for an hour on Sunday morning is not the same as belonging to a community where your presence truly matters to others and their presence truly matters to you.”[29] This idea of community resonates with what Bonhoeffer said about the fruits that presence brings to the individual.
There is, in all sincerity, a difficulty in balancing the self, which is the beginning of an ideal the world promotes and that of a community. Marty says that a community’s actions reflect whether or not it is part of “the body of Christ or simply a religious club.”[30] This is so true. Just as an individual can know all that there is to know about love and not act on it, so can a community when it comes to living out the manifestation of God’s grace in its life.
And a community is anything but uniform, according to Marty. A true Christian community can “afford to be diverse.”[31] Without uniformity inside a Christian community, there is room for uniqueness. Better yet, there is more room for the Spirit of God to move and do its work. Again, as Bonhoeffer alludes to in Life Together, so too, does Marty. “They become captivated by a vision and get wrapped up in engaging their faith alongside the strength of others.”[32] This is part of fellowship. This is part of community. Just as the early church leaned on each other for support physically and spiritually, so must a community today, especially in this world that promotes and aids in the confusion of these truths.
There is an attempt out there to resurrect the type of Christian community that is found in the scriptures, namely in the book of Acts. Many have called it alternative Christian communities, or more or less appropriately named, “new monastic’s.” There has been a resurgence of interest in monasticism, but within the hustle and bustle of everyday living, hence, the new monasticism.
While most people within these groups may consider themselves original with their mode of thought and practice, they honestly do not differ from the life and mission of the early church. For example, they have sold all of their possessions, they share everything with each other, they practice hospitality, execute social justices, practice solidarity with the poor, and even worship together. These are all wonderful things and what these people are doing is revolutionizing community pracitices.
“Obedience means accountability not to an abbot but to Jesus and to the community.”[33] This is yet another way that new monasticism differs from some traditional monastics. The alternative Christian communities are whole-heartedly dedicated to one another but more so to the message and mission of the living Jesus, the very foundation that they build their community on.
Some of these communities are: Rutba, in North Carolina[34], Reba Place fellowship, in Illinois[35], and Church of the Servant King, in Oregon.[36] All three of these center what they do around intentional community for Christ’s sake and embrace the new monastic lifestyle. So what is the influence?

"Monastic communities have always had greater influence than their numbers. For one thing, they enable preachers and other Christians to point and say, ‘see, someone does try to live out the costly demands of Jesus with regard to possessions, family, nonviolence and love.’ Their presence also encourages more traditional churches to alter their life in small but significant ways."[37]

And perhaps this is the benefit to the practice of new monasticism. It gives searching Christian communities a model to go off of. It also serves the kingdom in a much broader and deeper way than other forms of Christian community.
True Christian community, whether looked at biblically, theologically, or practically, should always find its foundation rooted in Christ Jesus. This might be assumed to be true after examining it to this depth. Biblically community is founded around shared worship, possessions, experiences, friendships, struggles, the word of God, and even Christ Jesus. Theologically these aspects are just as important, which Bonhoeffer eloquently lies out. It is an amazing thing to see the biblical and theological aspects of community fit together so harmoniously and demonstrate the manifestations of fellowship so well. From the life of Donald Miller to the alternative Christian communities, the importance of community was hopefully implied.

[1] Community, by Robert Wall. vol. 1 of Anchor Bible Dictionary, ed. David N. Freedman (New York: Doubleday, 1992), 1103.
[2] Ibid., 1104.
[3] Ibid., 1105.
[4] Ibid., 1105.
[5] Acts 2.42-47, NKJV
[6] Acts, vol. 10 of New Interpreter’s Bible, ed. Leander E. Keck (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2002), 71.
[7] Ibid, 71-72.
[8] Ibid, 72.
[9] Ibid, 71.
[10]Ray S. Anderson, Emerging Theology for Emerging Churches. (Downers Grove: IVP Books, 2006), 101.
[11] Ibid., 45.
[12] Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (New York: HarperSanFrancisco, 1954), 20.
[13] Ibid., 21.
[14] Ibid., 21
[15] Bonhoeffer, 30.
[16] Bonhoeffer, 34.
[17] Ray S. Anderson, The Soul of God (Eugene: Wipf and Stock Publishers, 2004), 101.
[18] Bonhoeffer, 37.
[19] Anderson, The Soul of God, 29.
[20] Bonhoeffer, 34.
[21] Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2003), 175.
[22] Ibid., 175
[23] Ibid., 175
[24] Ibid., 181
[25] Ibid., 185
[26] Buchanan, John M. "Graceful presence." Christian Century 122, no. 7 (2005): 3-3. ATLA Religion Database with ATLASerials, EBSCOhost (accessed October 25, 2006), 3.
[27] "Radical relocation." Christian Century 122, no. 21 (2005): 5-5. ATLA Religion Database with ATLASerials, EBSCOhost (accessed October 25, 2006).

[28] Marty, Peter W. "Breathing together: community as a way of life." Christian Century 122, no. 17 (2005): 8-9. ATLA Religion Database with ATLASerials, EBSCOhost (accessed October 25, 2006), 8.
[29] Ibid., 8.
[30] Ibid., 8.
[31] Ibid., 9.
[32] Ibid., 9.
[33] "The new monastics: alternative Christian communities." Christian Century 122, no. 21 (2005): 38-47. ATLA Religion Database with ATLASerials, EBSCOhost (accessed October 25, 2006), 38.
[34] Ibid., 38.
[35] Ibid., 39.
[36] Ibid., 41.
[37] Ibid., 47.

2007-05-15T23:23:00.000-05:00

chasing God

Prayed.
Applied.
Prayed.
Interview to come.
Prayed.
Praying.
Will pray.

2007-05-10T01:45:00.000-05:00

True Emotions

Do you ever just feel "not good"?

Because I do.

And have, all day.

But especially now.

2007-05-09T01:27:00.000-05:00

Casey posted this a few days back and it just resonated with and spoke with me.

Watch Your Toes . . .
Have you ever considered what Satan finds pleasurable?

1. When men of God abandon the preaching of the gospel to become "would be politicians" consumed with the political affairs of men.

2. When the preaching of God's Word is substituted with relational anecdotal experience, personal happiness programs, and human potentiality makeovers.

3. When pastors no longer shepherd God's people and the pulpits have become playgrounds.

4. When psychology has replaced biblical discipleship.

5. When men of God are flattered to become "late night talk show guests" on cultural and spiritual issues, but never once open up the Bible to develop their answers; or call the nation, other guests, or the talk show host to repentance by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone for salvation; they've simply become culturally acceptable biblical motivational speakers thinking that access to mainstream media means they are making an impact.

6. When the vicar of Rome is acknowledged as the vicar of Christ.

7. When sin is called sickness; when disobedience is called disease; and when adultery is called addiction.

8. When money becomes a prerequisite for ministry by charging people for the gospel, worship, discipleship, counseling, evangelism, Christian music, etc.

9. When we are liked by all people; when the world is not offended by the message we represent and relates to us for being "nice".

10. When church becomes just another predictable program we do one hour a week, one day a week.

11. When prayer becomes passé and the seldom thing we do.

12. When brothers and sisters hold ought against each other in bitterness and unforgiveness.

13. When church discipline of sin ceases.

14. When irreconcilable differences becomes an acceptable reason to break the covenant of marriage.

15. When the goal of faith is no longer holiness, but happiness.

16. When the object of faith is no longer Christ, but self.

17. When the foundation of faith is no longer the Scriptures, but my personal experience.

18. When error is tolerated and finally accepted as truth.

19. When Christians partner with nonbelievers in the work of the ministry.

20. When ministries are enticed to give up their autonomy and become owned by the world for just a little more money and a little more personal promotion.

21. When the worship and glory of God is treated as entertainment.

22. When the church bowes the knee to the seminaries and surrenders her duty to train men for pastoral ministry; thinking that the academic schools of religious learning actually can make a pastor when all they can do is make students.

23. When men can personally profit from the sale of God's Word.

24. When repentance is no longer part of the gospel.

25. When salvation is no longer proclaimed as being by grace alone, through faith alone, because of Christ alone, on the Word alone, to the glory of God alone.

26. When Romanism, Mormonism, Jehovah Witnesses, Church of Christ (Bostonian), Seventh Day Adventists (and dare I say but to be consistent I must) Islamic moralists, Atheists, Agnostics, etc. are indirectly legitimized as being "morally sound and culturally chaste" by some naïve evangelical leaders who have forgotten their heritage, sold their spiritual birthright, and have laid down sound doctrine for the sole purpose of partnering with those same "religious" and individually politically-correct alliances to try and turn back the tide of social ills through cultural cobelligerence. In doing so, they have purposely divorced the centrality of the gospel of Jesus Christ from their burden for social change; this is foolish and the delight of hell.

27. When the offense of the cross is removed for cultural acceptance, media accessibility and endorsement

Distributed by www.ChristianWorldviewNetwork.com

2007-05-06T22:42:00.000-05:00

Missions

I think I'm seriously considering doing this.

2007-05-03T23:23:00.000-05:00

How Pastors Can Keep Youth Workers
by Mike Yaconelli

I have a solution for the long-held belief that youth workers average about 18 months in a church before they move on or are moved out. I guarantee if pastors implement my suggestions, the average stay of a youth worker could triple or even quadruple. We're talking miracle here.

Believe that your primary job as pastor is to care for the spiritual life of your youth worker. Support the youth worker at any cost, because it will cost you.

Explain to the church that you expect the youth worker to be "out of the office" most of the time because a youth worker's office is his car, McDonald's, football stands, band hall, and surfboard.

Remind the church that when your youth worker's at camp, she's working.

When your youth worker makes a mistake, come to his defense. Help the church understand that mistakes are part of the job and that you couldn't be more pleased that you have a youth worker who's taking risks and pushing the envelope.

Keep pushing to increase the youth worker's salary and the youth budget.

Once a year, encourage church members with means to provide a weekend getaway at a cabin or beach house or condo for the youth worker and her family. Stock the refrigerator with food, arrange baby sitting, and tell her to take the weekend off—she deserves it.

Support his family. Encourage the youth worker to divide the day into three parts and work only two of them. Check on his marriage, and give him plenty of slack when the new baby arrives.

Before the job even starts, meet with the youth worker and then the board to make sure everyone's on the same page when it comes to expectations and results.

Whatever you do, make sure that numbers and attendance are not the sole or primary success markers.

Don't expect that, now that you've hired a youth worker, she'll do all the youth work. Expect the congregation to volunteer to help the youth worker, and if there's no response, go with the youth worker to personally invite others to help. Believe that, for every five kids in the junior high or high school youth group, there should be one volunteer adult meeting with those kids on a regular basis.

Include the young people in the total life of the church, not just youth night. In fact, don't have youth night. Put them on boards, have them participate in the services and as greeters, and encourage the senior citizens to adopt someone in the youth group so each kid has an older mentor, friend, pen pal, and wise sage. Encourage both the kids and the seniors to exchange letters, tiny gifts for birthdays and special moments, and have the students put on a dinner once a year for their pen pals.

Spend a lot of your time working with parents, providing them resources and seminars (Understanding Your Teenager, for instance) to help families sift through what's important at this critical stage.

Part of the youth worker's job description should be the expectation that she takes one day a week on silent retreat, three days every three months, and one week a year just for working on her soul. Also give her a restricted budget for books that are just about our souls.

Meet with the young people on a regular basis, and have open question-and-answer sessions so they can get to know you as a person. Let them know your struggles, your flaws and your passion for them.

Ask the wisest elder in your church to attend the youth meetings and report back each month what he saw.

Plan service projects for both youth and adults.

Continually affirm and encourage your youth worker.

. . . . .

There you have it. A happy youth worker is a long term youth worker. Woo Hoo!

2007-05-03T22:58:00.000-05:00

The Message of Jesus and the Local Church

The Good News that Jesus preached 2000 years ago is much different than what we hear in the church today. Today the messages that are spread throughout the body of Christ are ones that appear to be watered down half-truths. Either the Gospel is only about the forgiveness of sin or it is of the great moral teachings of Jesus. It could not be any further from the truth. The Good News that Jesus proclaimed was the availability of the Kingdom of God; something that is seldom heard of in the church today.

Jesus’ earthly ministry was preaching the availability of the Kingdom of God. In Matthew 4.17, Jesus says, “Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near.” The Kingdom of God is synonymous with the Kingdom of Heaven, each representing the effective range of God’s power. Although it is within the spiritual realm, it interacts with the physical one, thus allowing it to be visible. The Kingdom of God was manifested when Jesus performed signs and miracles and this ministry was continued through the work of his disciples.

The Kingdom of God can first be witnessed in the Creation. The relationship that God had with Adam and Eve in the Garden is a great example of the availability of the Kingdom. Unfortunately after the fall of man, the Kingdom progressively fell into ethnic and religious captivity, paving the way for the rejection of the true Kingdom message that Jesus preached. A system had been set into place that allowed for the lost sheep of Israel to become blinded from the true desire God had for the Kingdom.

What often goes unnoticed is that the availability of the Kingdom was preached long after Christ’s death. Not only did Jesus make it his goal to preach this, but Paul adopted the same vision which is recorded in Acts 28.31 where it says about Paul, “Boldly and without hindrance he preached the Kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ.” Paul’s followers and the other apostles of Jesus did the same, without hindrance boldly proclaimed the Kingdom of God. Unfortunately somewhere along the way, perhaps even influence from the lost sheep that rejected Christ’s message in the first place, the true meaning that is the availability of the Kingdom of God, was lost. Even in today’s church, the Gospel that Jesus preached appears to go unnoticed.

In today’s church there are commonly two Gospels that are preached: the Gospel of the left and the Gospel of the right. The Gospel of the left puts emphasis on Jesus as a teacher who taught humanity how to love one another. The Gospel of the right emphasizes and teaches of the forgiveness of sins. The problem with these two Gospels is that usually only one of them is preached. Some churches tend to only focus on the moral teachings of Jesus and undermine his divinity, while others merely see Jesus as the blood sacrifice for their sins; nothing more and nothing less.

The main issue that arises out of this situation is what happens when these Gospels are the only ones preached and the Gospel of Jesus is completely ignored. If the church only preached about the Gospel of the left or the Gospel of the right, there would be very little spiritual growth. It would be similar to the church receiving half-truths. The forgiveness of sins and the teachings of Jesus are only a mere fraction of what the Kingdom of God contains.

The church needs to begin preaching the Gospel of Jesus, which is the availability of the Kingdom of God. If this Gospel started being preached in the church, there would a wave of fresh power throughout the body of Christ. First, church leaders would have to begin making disciples, shifting the message to an available ‘with God’ life. More importantly, it would be a responsibility of the church to show God’s people how to live that life.

The easiest way to live out the Gospel of Jesus is through means of grace. Grace is God’s work in our life. In 1 Peter 3.18 it says, “But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.” Some consider grace to be merely unmerited forgiveness; however it would be difficult to grow in unmerited forgiveness. It is likely that one would be able to allow God’s work to grow in their life, which can be accomplished through means of grace, or spiritual disciplines. The danger lies in that if not practiced within the boundaries of the Kingdom of God, spiritual disciplines can turn into legalism.

The Good News that Jesus proclaimed was the availability of the Kingdom of God; something that is seldom heard of in the church today, but it does not have to remain that way. The best part about living in the Kingdom of God is the benefits. A life of abiding peace, foundation in truth, hope, unconditional love, strength to overcome, and many others are only a glimpse at what the Kingdom of God possesses. It is changing our minds and realizing that the Kingdom of God is here, which will lead to this shift in today’s church, a shift that is desperately needed if the church is to become one to proclaim the Good News of Jesus.

2007-04-26T09:32:00.000-05:00

Background on Darfur

Darfur has been embroiled in a deadly conflict for over three years. At least 400,000 people have been killed; more than 2 million innocent civilians have been forced to flee their homes and now live in displaced-persons camps in Sudan or in refugee camps in neighboring Chad; and more than 3.5 million men, women, and children are completely reliant on international aid for survival. Not since the Rwandan genocide of 1994 has the world seen such a calculated campaign of displacement, starvation, rape, and mass slaughter.

Since early 2003, Sudanese armed forces and Sudanese government-backed militia known as “Janjaweed” have been fighting two rebel groups in Darfur, the Sudanese Liberation Army/Movement (SLA/SLM) and the Justice and Equality Movement (JEM). The stated political aim of the rebels has been to compel the government of Sudan to address underdevelopment and the political marginalization of the region. In response, the Sudanese government’s regular armed forces and the Janjaweed – largely composed of fighters of nomadic background – have targeted civilian populations and ethnic groups from which the rebels primarily draw their support – the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa (notes about our use of ethnic terminology).

The Bush Administration has recognized these atrocities – carried out against civilians primarily by the government of Sudan and its allied Janjaweed militias – as genocide. António Guterres, the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, has described the situation in Sudan and Chad as “the largest and most complex humanitarian problem on the globe.” The Sudanese government and the Janjaweed militias are responsible for the burning and destruction of hundreds of rural villages, the killing of tens of thousands of people and rape and assault of thousands of women and girls.

With much international pressure, the Darfur Peace Agreement was brokered in May 2006 between the government of Sudan and one faction of Darfur rebels. However, deadlines have been ignored and the violence has escalated, with in-fighting among the various rebel groups and factions dramatically increasing and adding a new layer of complexity to the conflict. This violence has made it dangerous, if not impossible, for most of the millions of displaced persons to return to their homes. Humanitarian aid agencies face growing obstacles to bringing widespread relief. In August 2006, the UN's top humanitarian official Jan Egeland stated that the situation in Darfur is "going from real bad to catastrophic." Indeed, the violence in Darfur rages on with government-backed militias still attacking civilian populations with impunity.

On July 30, 2004, the UN Security Council adopted resolution 1556 demanding that the government of Sudan disarm the Janjaweed. This same demand is also an important part of the Darfur Peace Agreement signed in May of 2006. On August 31, 2006, the Security Council took the further step of authorizing a strong UN peacekeeping force for Darfur by passing resolution 1706. Despite these actions, the Janjaweed are still active and free to commit the same genocidal crimes against civilians in Darfur with the aid of the Sudanese government.

International experts agree that the United Nations Security Council must deploy a peacekeeping force with a mandate to protect civilians immediately. Until it arrives, the under-funded and overwhelmed African Union monitoring mission must be bolstered. And governments and international institutions must provide and ensure access to sufficient humanitarian aid for those in need.

Get involved! Visit www.savedarfur.org and see what you can do to help...

2007-04-24T18:06:00.000-05:00

I really wish that I could become a good writer. That I could become one of those people whose life becomes legendary merely because of the artistic ability that they have when putting words down on paper. But sometimes I realize that this is only a dream of mine. It may not be something that God has willed for me in my life. It’s probably only something that I want and have willed for myself. I was journaling about this last night though and had a random thought pop up.

Maybe writing isn’t a gift. Maybe writing isn’t an ability that God has given me to use like music, preaching, or drawing cool pictures underfoot with sidewalk chalk. I think writing, creativity in general, is something that everyone in all of humanity has been given. We’re made in God’s likeness. God’s creative. He even has a sense of humor. Don’t believe me? Look in the mirror. Honestly though, I think that we all have been created with a raw talent. It’s just like playing an instrument though. It takes practice to get better and better. Or stretching. I can’t do the splits if I don’t start stretching everyday. It’s going to be impossible. And although doing the splits is one of my life goals, I’m not going to achieve it until I hit the floor and start stretching to get there.

I think writing is the same way. It’s something that I’m going to have to practice before I’ll be any good at it. Not only will I have to start writing everyday, but I’m going to have to read more and more. It think that learning to write might be a lot like learning jazz improvisation. In order to get a lot better at jazz improvisation, I need to listen to it. I need to hit the record store or all of the illegal online databases and take pleasure in all of those classics dripping with imagination. Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Dave Holland, etc. Then I need to mimic them. I can’t do what they’re doing with their instruments if I don’t try to do the exact same thing. After I master their technique, I make it my own. That’s how I add my creativity, my life, my horror and my imagination to something great. That’s how I make something great even greater.

So maybe I just need to grab some Charles Dickens, Anne Lammott, St. Augustine, or another author I revere and burn their brilliant thoughts into the back of my mind. Once I’ve seared the image that their words manifest themselves into in my head, maybe then I can add what I want to make their words even hotter. Maybe I’m the one that’s going to manipulate what they say to a new degree, to the degree that it’s not only going to leave a mark on the mind, but on the heart. I just need to practice.

So that’s what this attempt is. It’s an attempt at writing. I’m attempting to write everyday for at least a little while in order to try and perfect what I want to say. In order to practice getting my thoughts out on paper. This is obviously a little different than the way that I journal. My journal’s are more personal, private, and between just me and God. Sometimes I wish God couldn’t even read what I write in there, but part of me deep down inside is really glad that he can. I want Jesus to be a part of my entire life, the good and the bad. Unfortunately, sometimes the bad outweighs the good. I’m just like that.

2007-04-24T00:11:00.000-05:00

SEEKING JUSTICE

I'm not entirely sure what's gotten into me, but I have this passion blossoming in my heart for justice. Social justice. Social justice all over the spectrum. All over the world. I don't think that it's just a "phase" either. This is a conviction I can't beat away any longer. My skin's uncomfortable containing the soul God's put inside of me. It's been stretching and growing in more ways than one, slowly releasing the work that God's doing on the inside.

I'm going to let it show.

I think what makes me the most excited is that there is an army rising up in the growing generation of young people. And when I say army, I don't want that term to be taken lightly. The biggest blessing is that God has put me in a place to lead these students, to lead them into battle, to lead them in this fight for justice. For seeking out what is right. For making something happen for the better. To be a change. To be the flicker of light that catches the eye of the lost and draws it into something greater, something like the Kingdom of God that these students are trying to manifest.

I am so encouraged right now. I am so excited to see this sort of passion. This sort of brilliance. This sort of moving of the Spirit in the hearts of today's youth. They're wanting to take back everything they've lost. They want to take everything back that American society and the media has stripped them of. Their innocence. Their purity. They want to recapture it and take that drive, that motivation, that LOVE to all people.

They want to defend their faith.

Earnestly.

The want to live their faith.

Radically.

My prayer is that God continues to move in the hearts of not only these students that I interact with on a weekly/daily basis, but in the hearts of His people. For change. For transformation. For justice to flood the nations.

There is a list on the left of several links to organizations and programs already in place pursuing social justice in all areas. Pick one. I want to challenge you to get involved.

2007-04-20T20:18:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I get really discouraged.

Today is one of those days.

The pressures of everything are slowly starting to mount up on top of me. I'm already not that strong. The closer I walk towards graduation the louder the splintering of my spiritual and emotional bones starts to get. I'm falling apart. It's like when someone throws a rock up on your windshield when you're driving down the highway. It leaves a dent and the more bumps you hit, the bigger the ding gets. It starts to splinter. Then the heart of the matter starts to scratch its way across the rest of your vision until you're finally staring through spider-veins.

I'm staring through spider-veins.

No, no, no. I'm not talking about the ones that old ladys get on their legs. That's disgusting. I'm talking about the spider-veins on my own spiritual and emotional station-wagon. Why a station-wagon? Because they suck. I was going to say a mini-van, but my life is and probably never will be that bad. God has at least blessed me with a station-wagon. My motto: mini-vans are never cool. Therefore, God will one day curse... I mean "bless" me with one someday. This is all irrelevant to anything that I'm wanting to say though.

I just want to say that I'm a basketcase. I've totally taken control of my own life... or at least I say that. I know I don't beleive it. The problem? I'm TRYING to take control of my life out of God's hands. I know, I know. That's probably the worst thing that a person could ever do. But for some reason, I have to have some sort of control in any and every situation. Right now it's been awfully hard for me to do that.

I'm graduating in about 2-3 weeks. I've accepted a full-time job that I'm very hestitant about even pursuing. I'm still not having any luck in the relationship department (however, this is probably the one part of my life that I'm completely comfortable with God having control over. It took me about 21 yrs. to get to this point, but hey, I'm there now.) My parents don't want to let go of me. I want my parents to let go of me. Everyone's telling me what to do. I'm telling me what to do. In some cases, I tell others what to do... or tell them what to tell me to do in a round-about way. I'm poor. I'm okay with being poor. A lot of people I know don't trust me being poor. I hate Christianity in America. I hate mega-churches in America, therefore, I'm having problems wanting to work at this church that I accepted a full-time position at. And there's more. But after writing all of this, I'm thinking way too positively to list anything any more negative.

What's the cool thing about all of that?

I have no control over any of it.

Who does? You guessed it: GOD. I should probably take comfort in that, huh? Maybe I'll start now...

2007-04-12T18:51:00.001-05:00

Andrew Peterson wrote this. I thought it was too brilliant to NOT post.

Resurrection: Day Eight

Apr 8, 2007

The blue-green earth turns on its axis, rolling Jerusalem into the light of the sun. It turns like a door swinging open, pouring light into a dark place. Jesus inhales. His flesh and blood lungs expand, retract, the pupils of his eyes adjust to the buttery light unveiled by the trundled stone. The muscles in his shoulders flex, his fingers open and fan once, curl into a fist, then relax. His heart pumps steady and strong in his chest, and the stuff of miracles crackles in the air about him. The Father is pleased with him, and the angels tell him so. Two of them, speaking in hushed voices, welcoming the Son back to the land of the living with words of praise no human could utter. They bow to him, marveling. Though they've spent eons in the presence of God, this revelation of his love and power is like nothing they've seen before. The way God stepped into Time and subjected himself to its laws, laws he himself created, the way he allowed his creation to treat him with disdain, apathy, even hate, is more than these angels could've imagined. A wide grin breaks over Jesus' face, in anticipation of the looks on his friends' faces when he materializes in the room without deigning to use the door. He swings his feet to the floor, seeing the scars in his flesh and smiling again at the beauty of it all, if he does say so himself. Freedom for the captives. Hope for the bedraggled. The bright unraveling of the curse that man brought upon himself. Up the steps he walks, trailing his fingers on the damp stone walls, into the light of the new day. He is pleased with the story he's telling. He is satisfied with the price he paid, with the cup he drank, bitter as it was, and most of all he is satisfied that he can now love his weak and wayward children with all of himself. The holy part of his nature that could bear no iniquity from man has been satisfied by blood and death; the enmity between God and man is no more.The morning warms his face. He closes his eyes for a moment and feels in a flash the hearts of all men and women from the beginning of things to the end, and with each thump of the holy heart in the frame of his ribcage he loves enough to overwhelm them all. Love set loose on the world. Love like a roaring lion, like a storm of deep laughter.From the moons of Jupiter to the center of our boiling sun, out across numberless galaxies to the black time- and space-winnowing walls of the universe, that laughter resounds and makes its way back to the ears of the figure standing at the mouth of the tomb where the fainted Roman soldiers are snoring in the dirt. "It is finished," he had said in his agony on the cross. Stepping over the prone bodies on the ground Jesus smiles to himself and agrees with the Father."It is just beginning."

2007-03-17T19:15:00.000-05:00

I almost forgot why I hated Myspace, but now I remember.
No matter what I do, attractive females in no clothing want to be my friend.
They want me bad.
They'll do anything for me.
Including, a "web cam" show.
They'll "chat."
They'll even show me their boobs.
Normally, I couldn't refuse this offer.
And I know why they want to be my friend.
Look at me.
Stare into my eyes.
I know, I know.
Hard to resist.
I am hard to resist.
Porn stars even want me... BAD.
Even gay men in some instances.
I should start a tally.
I should write a book, actually.
A book on how my beauty attracts women with no clothes on.
It would be a best seller amongst young men wanting "some."
I could use the money I make off of it for good.
I could make my own website.
One specially made for females wanting to check me out.
Only, I would let them down.
I wouldn't offer free web cam shows.
Or chat with them.
That kind of website probably wouldn't be good anyway.
Use the money for good.
I'd feed the homeless.
Clothe the prostitutes :)
Play with the children.
I would do good.
I would try to manifest the Kingdom with the power of God.
All because I hate Myspace.
But really, because I hate the girls that are in love with me on Myspace.
I don't really hate them.
I just hate the fact that they're pornstars wanting me to check out their rock hard, malnutritioned, and incredibly "used" bodies.
Why couldn't they be awesome Christian women?
Why couldn't they love the fact that my hero is Brenna's '76 Trans Am?
It's ridiculous.
Just ridiculous.
I'm done though.
I just wanted to rant about how hot pornstars think I am.
or... wannabe pornstars...

2007-03-15T21:00:00.001-05:00

I was riding in my car with a really wise friend today. Technically, I wasn't riding with her in my car. I was driving my car and she was along for the ride, but that's beside the point. That's just useless information I'm writing down to fill a word quota that I've unconciously demanded of myself. And so was that last sentence.

We were talking about goodness.
Like...
what is goodness?

How is it that everyone is capable of doing good?
Isn't it suprising that a nonchristian is capable of doing good?

Personally, I don't find that suprising. I'm sure, however, that there are a lot of people out there in the world who would argue that nonchristians aren't capable of doing good.

But if nonchristians are capable of doing good, is good really attached to God? In other words, do we really need God to do good?

This isn't necessarily my friend's question, or at least, that's not how I understood her. Frankly, it's my question that I'm trying to hash through.

How do you respond to this?

2007-03-11T14:15:00.000-05:00

The world dissolves my soul
Into the chaos it draws me
Into the madness I desire to cling
The sight alluring
The aroma pleasing
Poison to this painting

Resurrect this rotting flesh
The words you bring
Breathe life into death
You call me behind
To follow you
To leave me behind
And follow you

Blood stained canvas
As white as snow

2007-02-22T19:47:00.000-06:00

It's one of those days that I just want to quit.
But I can't.
God's sustaining me.
It's awesome.

2007-02-13T09:55:00.000-06:00

Loss at living....

I've been really frustrated lately. I can't quite put my finger on it, other than I know that I've completely and totally had my fill with myself. Seriously. I can't stand myself or the person that I've become. It angers me. I feel like the worlds largest hypocrite. I feel like I've succeeded in becoming America's idea of a Christian.

I'm tired of not following Jesus.

I know people would willingly argue with me and say that I do. Unfortunately, these people don't know what goes on inside of my heart. These people don't know the way that I act when they're not around.

Currently, I've been chasing this stupid idea of Jesus that media and culture and even the church at large has pounded into my brain. It's a Jesus that's okay with chasing himself. It's a Jesus that turns the other way when it sees something it doesn't want to. It's a Jesus that hangs out with people just like him. It's a Jesus that wears funny tshirts. It's a Jesus that listens to emo music and drives a sweet SUV. It's a Jesus that's okay reaching out to only upper-middle class families that have it all together. It's a Jesus that ignores everything he ever said.

That's not the Jesus I encountered.

That's not the Jesus that changed my life.

That's not the Jesus that slapped me in the face.

That's not the Jesus I know.

But it's the Jesus I cling to.

So I'm writing this to say: I'm done. I'm done running after something so shallow. End this scene. Instead, I want something that's going to radically change me. Transform me. I want something that I can share with others. I want something that will ruin others' lives. I want another chance at getting it right, but having the grace to mess it up.

I want to be like Jesus.

I've heard a lot of arguements against that statement. Unfortuantely, I don't agree with any of them. "Be like yourself, why would you want to be someone else?" "Be who God made you to be." I can do that. I will be that. But understand first that I'm going to embrace my role as a disciple. I want to be a disciple. I want to radically embrace Jesus. I want to shower myself in the identity that I now have in him.

I want to be the hands and feet of love that those people don't ever see when standing on a street corner. I want to be the shoulder that someone can cry on when they're beaten. I want to be the one that those people can talk to when they're lonely. I want to be the one that doesn't think twice, but just acts on the impulse of love. I want to love for Jesus' sake. I want to share the story of the man that killed me. I want to see others inherit the kingdom. But honestly, I don't know what I want to be. I want to be whatever this way of living will require.

And the funny thing is, I can't even want this.

I already have it.

2007-02-11T14:09:00.000-06:00

working on it...

sex, shoes, and salvation

... compliments of conversation with youth at gracepoint.

2007-01-28T23:15:00.000-06:00

The Minister Who Says He is Jesus Christ

For some reason, I think we need to pray for this guy. Or us.
What leads people to think this kind of thing? Thoughts?

2007-01-23T18:43:00.000-06:00

This made me laugh, even though it's photoshopped.