Sometimes my desire for something is so strong, it's all I can think about. It's times like those that I like to pray. Prayer. My direct-line to the Writer of my story. I'm one of those people who likes to be in charge of my life. I like control and I hate giving it up. I hate surrendering the part of me that obviously creates the sin in my life: me. My desires get strong and my spirit gets weak. I like trusting God with his timing and his control. Not mine. I always mess things up. So when I have a desire, I put it in God's hands.

Tonight I went to the fall ballet with my mom and sister. It was beautiful. I lived vicariously through the dancers. I imagined myself onstage. In my mind, I drew a picture of myself dancing between notes on a page. Moving in a graceful way. It's a gift of God. Afterwards I spent some time with friends. I thought. Nearly the entire time, I was consumed in my thoughts; in my desire for something so near me.

I walked home. The whole time I thought of ways to take my desires into my own hands. Instead, I gave them to the Father. How better off am I! I wasn't struggling with temptation or sin. Just bad timing. Timing that's yet to arrive for me. Timing beyond my control. Timing I put back into the hands of the Author of Life. The Author of Love.

I have a lot of thoughts. No where to write them but my journal. Sometimes, however, I like my thoughts to be shared because I like feedback on the way my mind works. I tend to write for release a lot of times. That's why this blog is called "Broken Thoughts of a Christian Nomad." My thoughts aren't complete. They're broken. Unwoven. There's always room for more because I inevitably miss things. I'm a Christian Nomad. I wander within the context of my faith in God. Not that I drift away or anything. Sometimes it's just hard for me to sit still. If I get too comfortable somewhere, I have to get up and move or else I don't grow. I tend to find God within the wilderness of Christian community.

So this is it. This is the beginning of brokenness within a tame environment with untamed minds. If I convey the content of my heart with words, I've succeeded in acheiving the brokenness I yearn for with my soul. Because unless God breaks me, there's no way to piece me back together.