This is probably the point in time that I supposed to say something incredibly profound about leaving tomorrow. A lot of people have probably expected me to have spent the last three months in solitude perfecting my walk with God before I go, spending time with Jesus every morning, digging into the Word, praying for little kids in the stores, etc.
But I'm no superhero and I realize that nobody really expected that from me but myself.
I would probably say that I'm the most ill prepared person to leave and go on the World Race, yet I truly believe that God wouldn't want it any other way. I've reached that point where I don't know what to expect from myself that I'm waiting to be surprised at who I become. I'm preparing for the shock as best as I know how, but I also know that it'll never be what I expect it to be. Basically, my expectations have been blown to bits already and since they're lying around all over the place, what I think I expect couldn't be any farther from the truth. It's strange to explain.
The reality of departure has finally caught up with me… about yesterday afternoon. I sold my car to some really amazing people, I packed, and now I'm just kind of waiting around getting ready to say goodbye to some more incredible people throughout the day. And though the reality of leaving has caught up with me, I'm not so sure that my emotions have.
I feel numb.
There's excitement but there's also an abyss resonating deeply in my stomach. Am I nervous? Probably. Am I hungry? Always. I would be lying to you if I told you that I wasn't scared. Unfamiliarity stretches me and grows me beyond what I could ever describe, but it doesn't make it easy. And the fact that I'm leaving all that I call normal freaks me out.
But I can't wait.
The most difficult part has been waiting to say goodbye to the few that I love the most - not that I have an attachment more to some than to others… well, I do. These goodbyes have yet to occur, but are scheduled to happen in the next 24 hours. It exhausts my spirit thinking of the emotion that's going to drain from my body.
Yet I can't wait to be ruined.
There came a point during my New Year's Eve party that I realized 11 months really isn't that long of a time. Some people would beg to differ with me and that's fine - I'll let them because we're all different and we all place a different value on the time that we've been given. I'm just choosing to do this with mine. It's all perspective, really.
So a little over 24 hours from this moment, I'll be sitting on a seat in the sky headed to Florida where I'm meeting my team to fly out to Peru. This is probably my last blog before I'm in another country, but I hope that you continue to follow my journey as I traverse across the globe chasing Jesus. Please send emails, leave comments, and all that encouraging and sappy stuff. I truly do enjoy it.
God bless!
** And this is my last blog on this particular web address for the year. Please read about my World Race journey at matthewsnyder.theworldrace.org**
