Conviction

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." -- Matt 7.3-5, NIV

Those are tough words to swallow, especially for me. I wrestle with things a lot. I struggle with pride; thinking that I "get it" when others don't. I can be the biggest critic of the Church, of America, of other Christians. But at the same time, I refuse to turn the mirror on myself.

I haven't jumped on some spiritual and anti-religious or anti-American Christianity bandwagon. I know that in recent years it has become popular to be all anti-religion. "Jesus is not religion," and all that other blah. That's great. I'm glad some people are starting to understand that God is bigger than we have made Him to be, that God exists outside of this incredibly small religious and Americanized box that we've put him in. But honestly, I haven't jumped on a bandwagon. I haven't squeezed into a sweet VW Van with all the other 21st-century hippies. I just truly voice what I believe deep down... The problem? I just ignore the pride that I've developed as a result of that.

I was sitting in bed reading an amazing book, "The Power and the Glory," when this verse above popped into my head. I immediately felt conviction. A friend and I were talking earlier about how we both wrestle with the same thing, this whole pride issue, so it's not like I wasn't thinking about it already. But I truly believe that God threw this verse into the back of my mind to convict me.

Most people tell me that I'm humble, that I never say too much about myself and that kind of thing, but I'm one of the most prideful people I know. I seriously can't manage the "bull" by its horns. Pride stomps all over me. I'm a spiritual pancake on the inside. It's sick. It's ridiculous. So it's something I need to fix.

I'm not going to abandon my convictions. Those will remain. I believe that God has put those there for a purpose. I do, however, want to abandon my pride. I can't see past it. It's a giant plank and until I get it removed, there's no way that I'm going to be able to help my brothers and sisters see without blinding them with my fat thumb.

So Abba, remove my pride. Remove my plank. It's getting in the way of what You're trying to do with me. -- Amen