Frustrated Superheroes

Do you ever get really frustrated with something? I mean incredibly frustrated with something or someone? Because I get that way. I think that anyone who doesn't get that way is sure to be alien. There's no possible way that they're human. They're superhuman. I don't know any superheroes, but if there's people who never get frustrated on this planet, then they're out of this world. Or not from here. And if they're from planet earth and never get frustrated, then they're just freaks. Plain and simple. Freaks.

I dont' know what it is, but more times than not, I'm stubborn. I'm either stubborn, persistent, or faithful. I'm not sure which one it is. There's no possible way that I should be allowed to be the judge of that either. Because I would always choose faithful. It makes me sound better than what I really am. And if I wanted to be honest with myself, I would say I'm a persistent stubborn. I know grammatically I'm not allowed to do that, but I really don't care about grammar, as you can see.

Sometimes I just feel like one of those punching toys. You know, the ones that little kids beat the snot out of, but when they fall over they just pop back up. That's me. That's totally the type of person I am. Granted, in defense of the toy, it has no choice. It has to get back up or else it gets taken back to the manufacturer and they really beat the crap out of it. I, however, have a choice to get back up. That's where my persistent stubbornness (or faithfulness) comes into play.

There's times that I obviously don't know when to give up. There's times that I just don't know when I need to finally get off the horse, when I need to deflate my drive, pack up, and go home. There's also times that people tell me, "matt, it's time you just move on. It's time to throw in the towel and quit." But for some reason, and in this situation I'm finding myself in, I just can't do that!

Normally, after the first punch, I would be long gone. Yet in this place that I find myself, I've been more than punched. I've been kicked, yelled at, karate chopped, shanked, punched some more, and then some. Apparently any sane person would get up and leave, but there's something else holding me in place other than my own dead weight. Obviously, I can move my own weight. It's like something else is holding me down, telling me, "matt, please, just wait. Be patient. Be faithful."

So that's what I'm doing. I think that I have every right to get frustrated. I'm frustrated because a) I'm not a superhero; b) I'm human and want to leave; c) for some reason, I just can't pack my bags and move on. The last one is probably the most frustrating. Although I constantly allow myself to get beaten, there's something else keeping me in place. A peace. An 'understanding' that I don't frickin' understand. I'm waiting for the day that God will finally reveal that to me.

So.

I'm a frustrated-persistent- faithful-stubborn-freak.

Quite a title there. But it's true.

*for those who wondered, I'm a freak because although I get frustrated in my frustration, the peace and 'understanding' I have helps me overcome it. Yep. Freak.