A Day of Clouds

I’m finding that the tragedy of losing innocence is one of the greatest things.  Some might even say that the obstacle of losing ignorance is equal to such.  I would argue.  I think that innocence in many ways is far more valuable than ignorance, but I’m learning that ignorance is quite the comforting thing I oftentimes seek.

I’m learning that once I’ve walked in the realities that truly face us in any given day that we can’t plead ignorance anymore, and not for the sake of trying to avoid looking like an idiot to others, but for the sake of sparing ourselves some kind of humiliation.  I mean this in the fairest of forms and oftentimes I’m struck at the Truth that I wake up to everyday.  I want to deny it on days such as this, days where the sky is blanketed with a grey that overwhelms me in a way that’s unwelcoming.

I want to find shelter but it’s as if none exists around here.  Where’s the shadow and sanctuary of God’s wing from the storms that plague us through life?  I’m learning that the thorn in my flesh is a lot closer to my heart than I originally thought.  I’m learning what a rude awakening is that grips my spirit every morning as I try to pull myself out of bed and squeeze words out from between my lips in battle. 

And why’s sorrow so easy to express yet joy escapes the form of words?  I can’t get it off my chest when it’s not there, but when it’s there I can find words for the agony and even when I release – the blanket remains.

I hate feeling wet.

Surely there’s a sun beyond the horizon, a sun that pleads with my own spirit to the God of God’s for some kind of relief to the cloudiness that this day’s producing.

I hate feeling alone.