Fools

I'm not sure what it is, but everytime that I see this guy downtown, he makes me smile. Everybody looks at him like he's rather strange, like he's got the plague and he could breathe rejection into your life. But there's something about him that gives me some sort of joy. It's a good thing though. It's like he's a fool. A fool for Christ, but in his own right. Go down to the Oldtown Plaza at night and check him out...

Wishes

There's a parallel
we're running between
A wishing well
we cast our dreams
And into the dark
we let our hearts fall
into eternity
our desires
our all.
An air of love
surrounds each hope cast
And rests in the hand
of the One who directs.
Behind Who guides
behind Who leads
we pour ourselves
and let our souls bleed.
Yet the wishes
are fleeting
Matter, they not
It's not about us
It's about what It wants.
So clutch them
or hold them
or let your dreams fly
they'll land in the abyss
and gleam our Maker's eye.

One thing

one thing rings true:
I'm tired of being idle on my hands.
Wasting from staring
at a canvas untouched.
Thru with speaking words
that yield no movement.
It's time.
Time to stretch musclesand reach out.
Time to bleed from the eyes
onto a colorless life.
It is time.
Time to speak Love
into being.

Dear God

I surrender.
Here's my flag.
You've crushed me.
Broken me.
Heaved me into oblivion.
I no longer exist.
And I'm tired of it.
Tired.
So I quit.
I quit me.
I quit trying.
I just quit it all.
Because I've never hurt
like I'm in pain now,
From being kicked
by my own God.
It's just me.
Just You.
While I'm bleeding on this floor.

Thoughts

Last night my dad and I went to Walmart to pick up several nonessentials, you know, the things we don't really need but have fooled ourselves into thinking we really do. I came to the realization that the treasured wall of people at Wally-World is nowhere to take my 50-year-old father, especially when it's getting late, people are everywhere, and he and I have no business being there in the first place. Mainly because after wandering aimlessly for 10 minutes we forgot what we were there for, hence, the "nonessentials." If we really needed them, we wouldn't have forgotten and gotten lost in a labyrinth of walking-dead-people.

We ended up in the drive-thru at Starbucks because my dad subconciously drives there when I'm riding in his cab. I hadn't been to this place full of memories because I betrayed it for another coffee shop that people don't bother me at. Anyway, we went through the drive-thru shouting at a giant piece of plastic advertising overpriced coffee, which just shouted right back and told us to pull through, to which I then notice old friends working (this is what happens when you frequent a place. You make friends with all the employees). After sucking up, my dad and I pulled away with free coffee proving that it really isn't about what you know, but who you know.

And these two stories have nothing in common other than people. People: an essential evil that I'm blessed to tolerate when I want no part in it. And I truly mean that in the best way possible. You can't run from people. We have to have them. They can cause us to become disoriented in our own state of confusion or graciously provide free fuel to keep us going, to keep us seeking our way out of the crowd to help us find what we're looking for, what we really need... what's really "essential." Even if it's free coffee for one night...

Five or less

Today's been one of those days that I've finally realized, despite my own deception, that I have no social life. I don't. I can narrow down my posse to a list of five people or less. Strangely enough, I take a lot of pride in saying that.

I know, I know. It's easy to assume from this finding that I'm a depressed and lonely soul. Depressed, no. Lonely, in some ways. But really. I pride myself in saying that I don't have a lot of friends that I hang out with all the time. I know people who can kick-it with 20 people at once and have a deep and personal relationship with every single person within a 10 mile radius. I'm not one of those people. I thrive off of being around a butt-ton of people (as long as they're not smelly athletes), but I don't always care to get to know them all in a deeply intimate way.

I like my gang of five or less. In fact, I'm comfortable with my five or less. Any more of them and I wouldn't be able to keep up with them all. I would only be able to offer them a shallow friendship. But with my five or less, I can put into each of them while in a group OR one-on-one. I love every single one of my five or less. And when none of them are available to be around, I realize how important it is to spend some time with myself. Time alone with God.

I think that it's safe to say that God's one of my five or less. Fortunately, he's always around to sit with me, to watch the fireflies and marvel at the silences of nature. Sometimes there's beauty in silence. Not just with God, but with other friends too. My five or less and I sometimes don't talk. We'll just sit and read together. There's conversation there. And sometimes it's hard when I feel like God never really talks to me. The fact that I can count on one hand the amount of times I've heard him speak should serve as a discouragement. But to me, it's just a reminder that God's also in the little things, the fireflies and the silences of nature.

City of Angels

I don't know if you've seen the movie, "City of Angels," but I just watched it for the first time. In all honesty, I actually loved the movie. I've always enjoyed chic-flicks. However, I can't believe I opened my mouth during the movie and said something that would only come true.

But it got me to thinking a lot about angels and humans. How we're so different. Anybody care to jump in and say a few words on the differences/similarities between angels and humans?

I'll throw this out there: the movie said that humans had free-will and implied that the angels didn't, however, the angels could choose to "fall."

Casey, I'm hoping for your insight on this one...

In the Name of Love

I leave in January 2008...
www.theworldrace.org

If you want to support me financially, let me know.
I need you to.

Clean Water & Sanitation


Access to clean water is a basic human right and a necessary precondition to all our human rights. An accessible supply of clean water is essential to good health, education and overall productivity around the world, yet currently over one billion people lack access to a basic supply of clean water and 2.6 billion people do not have access to basic sanitation.

• 
  Every 15 seconds, a child dies from a disease associated with lack of access to safe drinking water, inadequate sanitation and poor hygiene.


• 
  Of the 1 billion people lacking access to clean water, approximately 314 million live in sub-Saharan Africa.


• 
  Every $1 invested in water yields an economic return worth $8 in saved time, increased productivity and reduced healthcare costs.

Unsafe water and poor sanitation play a major role in the transmission of diseases including Diarrhea, Cholera, Malaria, and Typhoid. More than 1.8 million children die each year – roughly one child every 15 seconds – from water and sanitation-related Diarrhoeal diseases.

The lack of access to clean water and sanitation translates into lost educational opportunities, particularly for women and girls. Time spent collecting water – often many hours each day – means girls do not have time to attend school. Studies show that girls are 12% more likely to attend school if water is available within 15 minutes from home versus a one hour’s walk. Young girls are also less likely to attend classes if the school does not have adequate and separate toilets for girls. In addition, water-related illnesses increase absenteeism for all children and result in a loss of over 443 million school days globally each year.

With ONE voice, we are asking our leaders to commit an additional $300 million so the millions of people who lack access to clean water and basic sanitation could have the opportunity for improved health and a better quality of life.

An Opportunity
The internationally agreed upon goal is to halve the number of people without access to safe drinking water and basic sanitation by 2015. Based on current estimates, meeting this goal would result in safe drinking water for approximately 450 million more people, and basic sanitation for approximately 700 million more people.

There is no doubt the world has the knowledge, technology and resources to cut in half the number of people without access to safe drinking water and sanitation by 2015. However, meeting this target will require a substantial increase in resources and commitment from donor governments.

ONE supports the implementation of the Water for the Poor Act, which would strengthen U.S. government programs that increase affordable and equitable access to safe drinking water and sanitation in the developing world.>

thinking out loud

Sometimes I wonder about things. Things that actually have no real value. Sometimes, though, I don't wonder about them. I just worry about them, like they have value, like in the grand scheme of things they're actually going to make some kind of difference in my life by the time I die. Then I realize it doesn't matter. That time is fleeting. That whatever's rooted in the LORD can stand the test of time. Even if it feels like forever when it's really not. And, yes, I am thinking too far ahead. Things could change between now and then.

becoming

I think that one of the most humbling things that can happen to a person is when they realize how completely and utterly selfish they are. They can go for months thinking that they're really concerned for others' needs when ultimately, they cannot even begin to see past their own. It would be safe to say that I came to this humbling reality tonight.

I realized tonight that I am the most selfish person I know. It took a lot of reflection and a lot of convincing myself that I wasn't allowed to deny it anymore.

I am selfish.

Geez. Those are actually incredibly tough words for me to shove in my face, especially when I don't even want to eat them. But it's true. I realized tonight that I am the most selfish person I know. And I am fully aware that every person would undoubtedly argue that THEY'RE the most selfish person they know, but alas, they would merely be sorely mistaken. They know the truth even when they don't want to admit it: Matt is really into himself.

Why is this a tough reality for me to swallow? It's probably that I've definately put my own needs above the needs of God. I've gracefully looked past everything that God needs me to do to only put my needs, my wants, and my human desires on this giant pedestal for the entire world to gawk at. But frankly, the world doesn't care. It has its own needs, wants, and desires. I mean, there's a lot that I want. I don't want to be lonely. I want to have a job. I want to know what I'm doing. I really want to be accepted to the World Race. I want this girl, a new camera, a new laptop, and new car, blah blah blah. All the time I've purposively walked blindly to something...

It's not about me.

"Not to us, but to Your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." (Ps. 115.1)

Yeah. It's not about me. It's about God. It's about God's glory. It's about seeking Him, His needs, His wants, His desires, and His purposes, all for His glory. Not Matt's. Not yours. "Love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself." Two simple commands. Two simple commands that require us to deny ourselves. I distinctly remember reading other places in the scriptures where Jesus calls us to deny ourselves, to take up our cross, and follow Him.

I sure have done a good job of screwing that up.

"It is not the dead who praise the LORD, those who go down to silence; it is we who extol the LORD, both now and forevermore. Praise the LORD." (Ps. 115.17-18)

The dead don't praise God. The LIVING praise God. Am I really living when I'm living for myself? Am I truly living my life to the fullest when I'm seeking my own desires? I need to seek God. I need HIS grace to strip me of my selfishness. Praise Him that I've received that ability!

But really, I'm still selfish. I just don't deny it anymore.

I feel like I've been punched in the heart again, God.
What the heck are you doing with my life?

The Mouth of the Almighty

This has spoken to me a lot in the last few days, so I thought I would share it with y'all...

"Shout it aloud, do not hold back.

Raise your voice like a trumpet.

Declare to my people their rebellion and to the house of Jacob their sins.

For day after day they seek me out;

they seem eager to know my ways,

as if they were a nation that does what is right

and has not forsaken the commands of its God.

They ask me for just decisions

and seem eager for God to come near them.

'Why have we fasted,' they say,

'and you have not seen it?

Why have we humbled ourselves,

and you have not noticed?'

"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as

you please and exploit all your workers.

Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,

and in striking each other with wicked fists.

You cannot fast as you do today

and expect your voice to be heard on high.

Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,

only a day for a man to humble himself?

Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed

and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?

Is that what you call a fast,

a day acceptable to the LORD?

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-

when you see the naked, to clothe him,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness will go before you,

and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say:

Here am I.

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then you rlight will rise in the darkness,

and you rnight will become like the noonday.

The LORD will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a

sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins

and will riase up the age-old foundations;

you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,

Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

"If you keep your feet from breakin the Sabbath

and from doing as you please on my holy day,

if you call the Sabbath a delight

and the LORD's holy day honorable,

and if you honor if by not going your own way

and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

then you will find your joy in the LORD,

and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land

and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."

The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

--Isaiah 58