"Love your enemies."

That's a high calling. It's definitely not something that I would choose to do by instinct. If I followed my instinct, I would probably want to continuously punch my enemies in the face. I'm not going to lie. I know, I know... that's not something Jesus would do. Too bad we're talking about what I want to do... not Jesus. My will is a lot more important than Jesus', right?

And maybe that's my problem. Maybe when I need to be like Jesus the most are the times that I would much rather be like me - the incomplete me that is, the one who is without or once in awhile denies the calling of Jesus. I'm pretty good at rejecting the desire to yearn for the Spirit's direction at times. The funny and humbling thing is: I know when I do it, when I reject that thirst.

I don't want to follow Jesus when things sometimes get too tough. I mean, love my enemies? Really? That's hard. It's like trying to keep me from eating ice cream... only a lot harder than that. I think that people sugarcoat it though or dramatize it, making love seem easier or less significant than what it really is. Loving God is not for pushovers. It's a distinctly high calling that's incredibly hard to embrace. Loving God, which essentially means loving your enemies as well, is for 'bad-asses'. I can't believe I just wrote that, but in my culture it makes the concept of loving God easier to understand... and probably cooler because I used a cussword.

Back to loving my enemies...

What does that even look like?

"Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12.29-31).

Dang that sucks. I think that it's important to note that we must love God before we love our enemies (a.k.a. our neighbor). Wait? What the -?! How dare I compare our enemies and neighbors! What was I thinking? What's wrong with me?! I mean to say that they're one in the same? Aren't my neighbors the ones who are for me and my enemies are the ones who are against me?

No.

First of all - loving God is not for the faint at heart, as I've said. I'm to love God with absolutely everything that I've got. When I love him with my heart, I surrender all my passions to Him. When I love Him with all my soul, I sacrifice all that makes me 'me' to Him. When I love Him with all my mind, I give away all my dreams to Him. And when I love Him with all my strength, I forgo all of my own efforts to His service and to His will. Loving my God requires ALL of me - to the very last ounce of who I am. It's more than obedience because love that demands this much asks for more than that. It asks for life where the return is better life itself.

And this same God turns around and asks us to also love our neighbor? Our enemies? Christianity is for REAL men (or women, don't worry ladies, I know you read this...)

We have this idea that anybody who is against us is our enemy. In some cases, I think this is the truth, especially in football or any other sport where the opposing team is trying to defeat you and your ugly face. I don't have a lot of respect for sports because marching band was never considered one (even though it was on ESPN the other day). That's kind of a sore spot with me. Marching band takes more out of a person than getting caught in a stampede of eleven 250lb. jocks. Then again, I've never been caught in a stampede of eleven 'cattle'...

But truly, I think that it's important for us to not draw a line between us and our neighbor. It's damaging to the love we're able to pour forth if we view everybody as our enemies. And I think as human beings it's easy for us to selfishly view someone as an enemy if they offend us, if they do something 'human' to us. It's almost like we have no tolerance for it anymore or something and we want to inadvertently shut them down - so we treat them like jocks treat the chess club. It's just not cool! And it really takes away from your manliness (or woman-ness...). When are we going to start actually loving people without regard to their human characteristics?

I think Christians in America, and probably in the world at large, are pretty good at creating enemies. That's right. Christians create enemies... because sometimes Christians suck at love.

And I'll humbly admit: I'm a Christian that sucks at love.

Church Attendance

Please take this for what it is... sarcasm.

www.thechurchyouknow.com

the lovely Brenna Powers, has spoken...

Yep. Go check out her blog - all the way from Africa! This girl is something else...

*she also called me and said that it's like everybody's waiting for something to happen in Africa, like they're just sitting around and... waiting. I found that interesting.

But really, go leave her some love - even if you don't know her. And Jami, keep it clean... ;)

proving faith?

I want to serve God more passionately than what I already do. I've noticed that the more I serve in one area, the deeper I must go inside of it. Take what happened at church for example.

I was able to talk with Grant* today. The thing to remember about Grant - despite the fact that he's 'crazy' - is that he's a faithful member of Church on the Street and he's Muslim. He says he doesn't come because he's homeless - he's not. He doesn't come for the free meal - though admittedly it's good. And he doesn't come out of boredom. No, Grant comes because of the people there, because of the environment. It's something he's never encountered before. (The bad part is that this paragraph does no justice in describing anything about this guy.)

Regardless, we were able to have a deep conversation about our religions. It was in that moment that I realized how scared I am of deep theological conversations with nonbelievers. I'll sit down and hammer things out with other believers because we all believe the other person is wrong anyway. But with nonbelievers it's different. It's almost because I feel there's something on the line, not just their salvation... but my dignity. Like if I can't answer every question then I look like a complete fool - and not just me, but my whole belief system.

Maybe I know my problem.

I was really challenged by Church on the Street for the longest time because just stepping out and talking to complete strangers was hard enough for me. Now I'm being challenged to go deeper with them than just surface level. And maybe I'm afraid of leading them down the wrong path or worst yet, I'm afraid of being wrong.

But all this is probably because I'm approaching these conversations the wrong way in the first place. I don't need to prove anything about my faith that I already know is true. If I do, then it's because I don't already believe it myself. I need to stop looking at these people, such as Grant, as someone that I need to prove my faith to or that I get to save. These are people searching for the truth and I get the opportunity to guide them towards that - towards Jesus (the one who REALLY does the saving).

Truly, until I do this, I doubt that I will personally see someone come to Christ (yes, I'll admit that in the last 4+ years I've spent in ministry, I've never led anyone to Christ). I need to get over myself, my fears, and embrace all of what I know to be true and let it change me because at this point, I have nothing to prove.

*names have been changed

fear

I'm afraid to start new. I know that sounds completely ridiculous but it couldn't be closer to the truth that I've found myself running from in the last 24 hours. You might be thinking: Matt, what could you possibly be talking about? Relationships? Faith? No. I'm not talking about any of that.

Sometimes I fear change. I've found it a challenge that I've had to deal with in the last week, but that's not the change that's really causing me problems right now. The change I'm talking about it my new journal.

I'm afraid to bloody its pages with my life, with my endless droning and amusing attempts at writing, with my stories and my history, with everything I've tried to be and failed to become. So I've gone an entire day - up to this point - without writing in my journal. The pages have been left unscathed, though the pockets are packed with photos, letters, and memories of friends who've gone away for some time. Maybe I need to find a way to turn those photos, letters, and memories into words all my own, words that I can write into a legacy on paper.

I'm not sure. I just know that at this point, I fear a little dirt.

When Sacrifice Hurts

My friend Jimmy McCarty is on the World Race currently ministering in Cambodia. His post on sacrifice really hit home with me. Read it. Enjoy it. It's beautifully painful.

"I will not sacrifice to the Lord that which costs me nothing." (2 Samuel 24:24) David refused to insult his God with an offering that did not infringe on his comfort. The widow's mite was viewed as more valuable and more worthy to be acknowledged than the wealthy contributions of the elite. The rich young ruler went away sad when the price of inheriting eternal life required selling everything he had.

These stories haunt me not because scripture is implying wealth is sinful or that gifts should be distained - but because Jesus saw the heart of the matter: idolatry. Idols are not merely sculpted figures representing some demonic substitute for the one, true God. Idols are a matter of the heart - a devotion to something other than who God is.

In March, I walked down the beaches of Lake Nicaragua with a friend and had the discussion of what truly loving God meant. On one perspective, loving God and loving others are incredibly simplistic commands! We've complicated them into programs and committees when the devotion to God alone is all that is needed. However, from my perspective, in that brief moment I understood what had haunted me for so long: loving God was truly the hardest thing God has ever asked of me.

To love God with all my mind means that no thought, no daydream, no object, no idea, no logic - nothing distracts me from my one and only motivation of loving God with the entirety of my mind. To love God with my heart means that every emotion, every ounce of ego, every sense I perceive is directed wholly on who God is and desires to glorify Him. To love God with all my strength means every effort I make, every place I go, every action I initiate (or refrain from initiating) is ultimately to the glorification of God the Father.

I've said recently that God doesn't always want the things that are easy to give up. For example, I couldn't care less about what car I drive. The only purpose for owning a vehicle is to get me from point A to point B, cosmetics, power, color - none of it matters to me at all. However, I love people. I desperately desire the closeness of friends and love ministry and service to others. In the last several months, God's asked it of me. Am I willing to face loneliness? Am I willing to serve in obscurity or in the background? Am I willing to surrender that which is most important to me to follow Christ above all?

A hot topic of discussion between World Racers has been of Abraham and Isaac. In the Biblical narrative, Isaac not only represented a future for Abraham and Sarah, he was the promise of a legacy. He was the redemption of God's people, he was, by all accounts and purposes, a good thing.

It's the most frustrating of all when God asks for the good things. Why would he ask me to relinquish a ministry I love? Why would he ask me to remain single when I so desire to get married? Why would he take me around the world and leave the comforts of home? All innately good things - yet ones God is requesting me to relinquish.

You see, David had it right. In 2 Samuel 24:24 David comments how he refuses to sacrifice something to the Lord that costs him nothing. It's not the act of sacrifice that's important, it is the statement, the accountability that nothing stands in the way of my devotion to Christ. God Himself says that he doesn't delight in burnt offerings but a broken and contrite heart.

He wants me. He wants my devotion, my commitment.

We worry so much about protecting the things that are important to us. We surrender all until it hurts. We've stopped asking things of God because of what it might cost us. Brokenness is a noble prayer to pray until God answers it. Dependence on God, trust in Him - all good things, until He truly puts us in a position of desperation - then we react.

Abraham's sacrifice was complete, it was a surrender even of the best he had. Isaac was even a promise from God - something especially given, an answer to prayer. Yet, God asked for it back. Abraham was obedient with no hope of redemption. He wasn't entitled to a legacy, to a relationship with his son, to a gift from God, to a promise fulfilled. He didn't deserve to have what he had been given, he didn't deserve the miracle or the grace. He had no right to receive what he did, he had no merit that earned him what he was given. God didn't ask for his camels or his offerings or his livelihood - he asked for that which was most important. The sacrifice itself wasn't what was important, God wanted Abraham - and he got him.

If this is true discipleship: to deny ourselves and take up our cross to follow Christ. If we are to follow Christ's example of making ourselves nothing. If we truly want to live a life devoted to Christ, it's time to live open-handed. God's not calling all of us to poverty - but if He did, would you give everything up? God's not calling us to rags - but if He did, would you follow Him there? God's not calling all of us to the slums of Cambodia or the Philippines, but if He did, would you go? God's not calling all of us to singleness, but if He did, would you give the hope of marriage up? God's not stripping us of all the blessings He's given, not taking back the promises He's made, but if He did, would you respond in anger or trust?

Obedience is not just for the adventurous at heart. Just because I gave up a year of my life to travel the world doesn't make me more obedient or more faith-filled. Truthfully, my faith is tested more here, my dependence on the Lord is under greater scrutiny. God has asked more of me than He usually does at home. I'm called to love God with the entirety of my being. Am I ready?

[a load of bull]

it seems like there’s no end to this:
you tearing down to build up;
a bigger wall of I’m-rights and your-wrongs.
stop viewing others like innocents
that need taught the realities of life.
they know more about living than you’ll ever know
trapped in your philosophical fizz.

This isn't goodbye...

I'm going to miss Brenna.
A lot.

"You are my fire..." :)

Sometimes others have better words than me. Hence these brilliant thoughts of Seth Barnes appearing on my blog...

How God Guides Us: The Bicycle Principle

A blog reader recently wrote this comment "What happens when God is NOT leading for a Season and you choose a path... NOT knowing if He would choose that for you?" Here was my response:

Bicycles can only be steered once they are rolling forward. A stationary bike doesn't need guidance. So it is between God and us. He wants to guide us, but to do so, we need to be in motion, about His business - touching people on His behalf.

We see God state this as a covenantal proposition in Isaiah 58. The task is to demonstrate to the poor, the hungry, and the oppressed that God cares about them.

God doesn't say, "If you'll do just the basics and look out for your own needs, then I'll guide you." He says, "If you'll spend yourself in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed...then the Lord will guide you always."(Is. 58:10-11)

Why will He guide us? For one thing, we will need His guidance. Ministering to the down and out is hard work.

There are so many; how do we know which to target or how to go about identifying and meeting their needs? We need His guidance.

Over and over the pattern is repeated: God gives His people an assignment for which they are inadequate, then provides what they need. The message: "Go and rescue my people and I will guide you and protect you."

God cares about people and wants to touch them. Jesus' heart burst with compassion when he surveyed the teaming crowds and needy people who seemed like sheep without a shepherd.

But God's plan for demonstrating His compassion has always been a man. He has chosen to work through us "as though God were making His appeal through us" (2 Cor. 5:20).

untitled[2]

I had this whole poem written before and even posted part of it but I felt the need to post the rest of it. I decided I liked it.

there's an inward romance
between these words I sing;
one that you've yet to hear,
but you already know the melody by heart.
the simplicity of our song has been lost,
complicated by what you add;
drowning our harmony with noise
in an attempt to wash away what's true.

the day our song's stripped bare
is drawing nearer each night.
eagerly I wait for the sun to rise,
for your smile to provoke my heart to sing;
and arm in arm in the morning light
we dance to this melody.

your eyes glisten
with the reflection of my love;
love I've only confessed
to our God dwelling in our hearts.
and though He hears me,
you see me,
and together we live this love
into a dance.